


The Fear in Me

by recallthelove



Series: The Storm Before the Calm [2]
Category: Pitch Perfect (2012)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 07:02:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 65,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2260374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/recallthelove/pseuds/recallthelove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you do when the person you love most is the reason you're falling apart? Sequel to You Untether Me. (HIATUS)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: If you have any comments on me using single quotation marks, please go to http://www.eng-lang.co.uk/ogs.htm and see the 'British practice' part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are, about a year and a half on. If you read the original and attempt this, thank you so much. I really have no idea how this'll be received, but I hope those who enjoyed YUM like the sequel too even though it's taken so long.
> 
> So much thanks to these people for being test audiences and endless sources of encouragement for me: thecousinsdangereux, WillowyWitch, and my girlfriend. And extra, extra special thanks to hey-its-dash (now dashedbrotato), without whom this sequel would never have gotten past the 10k mark. She has been absolutely invaluable in terms of promoting the fic, talking through scenes and character motivations with me (the summary and series title "The Storm Before the Calm" are both her ideas), and just generally being an awesome friend throughout the emotional ups and downs from writing this story. I can't thank her enough.

Take a deep breath.

Hold it.

Exhale.

Try and rid herself of that old, familiar but always debilitating tightness in Beca's chest; the rushing thoughts; the sweat breaking out across her forehead and back.

'Beca,' Chloe whispers to her, voice calm and reassuring but still not really  _enough_  right now. Even when she runs a gentle thumb back and forth over Beca's right cheek - the rhythm is soothing but does little to break her out of this routine that she's so, so tired of. 'It's okay. Nothing bad will happen.'

Try telling that to Beca's brain, which is carrying out its usual practice of completely melting down over the smallest things. Rationally, she knows Chloe is right. It's just sex, after all, and although she's never done it, billions of other people have, and they turned out alright.

(Probably. She's not exactly done a sex survey amongst her friends - 'How frequently would you say you have a panic attack when someone touches you intimately?'. Aubrey would probably love being asked that).

Nonetheless, it doesn't matter how many times she tries to repeat such mantras as "It'll be okay" to herself; her mind and body never seem to agree. Case in point: this is the fifth time they've tried this month. It's also only one of countless attempts since she and Chloe had started dating and reached a point where this (Chloe's hands and lips on her stomach and travelling down her waist, that's fine; that's good; she can do this - except no, too far, wait, stop,  _stop_ ) is the logical progression. Ironically, by now she's gotten to the point where just the fear of becoming scared and ruining everything is enough to make her shut down completely.

Chloe has been a veritable saint throughout the whole thing, but even she's beginning to get impatient. The ways she shows it aren't exactly usual, though.

'What about meditation?' she'll say, after spending half a day looking up tips on the internet. 'Or drinking herbal tea?' The word "therapy" is never brought up; Chloe's tried that one before and ended up in tears from the vehemence of Beca's refusal. Now she tries to find other solutions for Beca, but it's plainly obvious which one she favours.

'No,' Beca replies shortly, every time. 'None of that stuff really works.'

'But if you'd just try a little more -' Chloe begins to say one day, after one such exchange, but immediately falters when Beca's nostrils flare angrily.

'Excuse me?' she snaps, voice low and dangerous. 'You think I'm not working my ass off to get through all this already?'

'That's not what I'm saying, Beca.'

'Are you sure? Because it definitely sounds like it.' Chloe just stares at her, with that small frown Beca's becoming extremely familiar with - the one that tells Beca she's going too far. The tension floods out of her, to be replaced by shame. She bows her head, rubbing her temples. 'Sorry,' she mutters. 'I'm not trying to start an argument with you - it's just, Chloe, I am trying. Every day.'

'I know, baby.' She leans over to take Beca's hand, rubbing a thumb over the back of it. Beca stares down at their linked fingers until her vision blurs with tears and a lump forms in her throat. 'All I want is to help you do that. Nothing else.'

'I get it… It's just…' She sighs. 'Sometimes, you don't understand.'

And that's how it always ends, with Beca dejectedly telling Chloe that she doesn't get it. And that she probably never will. She doesn't say that final bit, but it's somewhat implied.

Chloe stops talking after that, but Beca never misses the look of hurt that flashes across her face.

* * *

Here in the present, though, with Chloe still ineffectually stroking her face and whispering calming words to her, Beca knows she's failed again. Today is the farthest they've ever gone, but as usual it has become too much. Chloe would tell her to count this as an achievement, but right now it doesn't matter that she's progressed a heck of a lot in a few months - considering where she was at when this all began, anyway. It doesn't matter that it'd be stupid to think everything would fall easily into her lap after a lifetime of holding up her defences. It doesn't matter that these things take time and effort, which Chloe diligently reminds her every time she starts down the well-worn trail of self-hatred.

'Should it be this hard?' she can't help asking afterwards. That's after she's gotten through the whole rigmarole of panicking, leaving the room in order to pace and choke back her tears, then finally pushing past her humiliation to curl up in Chloe's arms again. To her credit, Chloe never questions this little routine but just waits patiently for her to return. 'It's not like I expected everything to all be fixed immediately, but come on. This is ridiculous.'

Chloe nuzzles into her, sliding her legs in the gap between Beca's. 'Sex isn't easy,' she says. 'Anxiety isn't easy. Put them together and you get a bit of a mess. You're doing fine,' she adds, when Beca shifts restlessly and lets out a noise of frustration. 'Don't be so hard on yourself.'

'Oh, like it's that simple,' Beca replies, a tad grumpily. But she accepts Chloe's lips on the back of her neck and her temple, along with the fingers that massage all the tension out of her shoulders, until she's a boneless lump with her shirt half undone and a small but rapidly darkening bruise on her collarbone.

Chloe sits up and buttons the shirt back up for her, kisses the bruise lovingly, like it's some kind of battle wound. Maybe it is, in a way. After all, she's never allowed her to leave marks before, even though she's well aware that's something her girlfriend is into; Chloe doesn't exactly shy away from talking about sex. Beca doesn't really understand it - but then again, there's a lot of things she doesn't understand but engages in just to make her girlfriend happy.

But then there's the other things. The parts that Beca  _does_  understand and wishes she could just fucking do already but can't for some unknown reason, despite how much she wants to - and dammit, can't she just make love to her girlfriend like a normal person without all this bullshit? It doesn't make any sense; she's had a great life, so there's absolutely no reason for her to act this way. None at all.

As though sensing Beca's thoughts are straying into dark territory again, Chloe suddenly blows a raspberry on the exposed skin of Beca's neck, making her squeal in surprise. When she rolls away, batting at Chloe, she gives chase and prods Beca's sides until a giggle bubbles out (and yeah, that's a thing that happens too now). The grin she flashes at Beca is so playful, so warm, for a moment she actually forgets that there's anything wrong with her.

But only for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, but I'm just feeling out the potential audience for this story.
> 
> Guys, this is an extremely difficult and personal story for me to write. As such, I really don't mind how harsh people are about the technical parts of the story, but if people could pick their words carefully when commenting on the behaviour of Beca/Chloe I'd appreciate it. Also, I'll be back to university soon, but I've already written the majority of the fic (about 70,000 words). I'll do my best to post as often as I can.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely response to the first part guys! At most I'll probably be updating weekly - hope that's not a problem for you guys, but I'm now back at university and can't really promise anything more than that. But the chapters will be long =)
> 
> As ever, thanks to dashedbrotato, thecousinsdangereux, my girlfriend and WillowyWitch for looking over this for me!

 

 

If Beca thinks carefully about where she is now compared to before, she might be inclined to comment that, okay - things aren't  _that_ bad. It could always be worse, after all. Sometimes Beca can only laugh incredulously at the ridiculousness of her thoughts and how entitled she must be to feel this way: someone out there is starving or dying or suffering, and here  _she_ is feeling uncomfortable about making an important phonecall at the station on Luke's behalf while he's out. Or crying at night when no one's around, because she can't make love to her girlfriend, when someone out there can't have children with their partner. Or shying away from a hug from her friends and feeling like crap at the look on their faces, when someone could be paralysed and unable to move from the neck down, unable to hug anyone of their own accord anyway - or -

'You're doing it again,' Chloe will remind her gently, when she spots Beca laughing softly to herself and shaking her head, because she still can't believe how freaking  _stupid_ she is sometimes. You'd have to be a pretty special kind of douche to get as worked up over issues as small as Beca does.

' _Beca_.' Chloe again, now snapping fingers in front of her face. 'The real world's out here.'

That helps. Sometimes - when she lets it. Other times she can't help feeling the slightest bit of irritation towards Chloe, who doesn't seem to realise how selfish her girlfriend is sometimes. She always wants to argue with Beca about that truth and never wants to see it for what it really is; that Beca probably doesn't deserve kind words, but a good slap in the face to get her back to reality. Everyone's just so  _nice_ and  _sympathetic_ , but she can't help but wonder if she'd get on better if everyone just told her to shut the fuck up with her whining and just get on with it. Maybe they're being too forgiving. Maybe they're letting her get away with being this way in their misguided attempts to be helpful but it's actually making her worse. Maybe Chloe is putting on a brave face for the whole thing, but secretly she's just getting more exasperated with Beca everyday, and eventually she will snap.

'I love you,' Chloe will tell her, which makes Beca feel better for a time. And yet, she still tries to read hidden messages behind Chloe's earnest expression, like something behind her eyes is going to suddenly flicker, when she realises she's made a terrible mistake in becoming her girlfriend. And then she'll dump Beca, breaking her heart, and causing her to go into a state of catatonic unhappiness - and  _then_ she will die alone and sad, with twenty-eight budgies (she hates cats)...

Okay, there she goes again. Melodrama. Overreactions - these are all problems a high-schooler would have, really. But somehow it's not anymore comforting to realise how stupid she's being, since she can never seem to stop.

* * *

Paradoxically, realising that okay, maybe Beca has a  _slight_ problem with anxiety appears to have brought everything closer to the forefront of her mind, Things she'd never considered might be an issue for her keep cropping up here and there - never anything too massive, but just enough to set that slight buzz of tension in her gut. Chloe hypothesises that maybe it's because before she avoided everything that might trigger worry, thus ensuring she never had to experience it. Beca's theory is that she's secretly regressing back to a toddler, since only a child would start worrying about the things she has been recently, and would probably handle it more gracefully.

Big on the list are her new duties as the Bellas captain, which involve way more interaction with the other girls than just being a team member did: there are auditions to consider, choreography, arrangements, and making sure all the Bellas attend as much as possible. Not to mention Beca  _herself_ actually has to turn up to each practice now as well. Gone are the days of waking up in the morning and having a ten minute inner debate about whether it'd be worth dealing with Aubrey's wrath for a little extra sleep. She loves the Bellas, but loves sleep even more - however, unfortunately, the auditorium always seems to be booked later on in the day because no one wants the early morning spots either. No wonder Aubrey always tortured them with eight A.M. starts.

'You'll be okay today, won't you?' Chloe asks anxiously, on one such early start - the morning of Beca's first practice as captain. There's far too little light coming through the curtains for Beca's liking but she appreciates that Chloe made the effort to come by despite having an interview this morning. Even if she keeps one eye on the time throughout the whole conversation. 'It's nerve-wracking leading the Bellas for the first time.'

'It is?' Beca replies with a good-natured roll of her eyes. 'I had no idea, you and Aubrey  _totally_ didn't show it.' When Chloe pouts, she smiles as reassuringly as she can. 'Don't worry, Chlo. I can totally handle it.'

'You're positive?' When Beca nods, Chloe searches her face for any sign of worry. Finding none - Beca's been perfecting her poker face - she leans in to kiss her goodbye, but pauses at the last second before their lips meet. Beca's left duck-facing the air. 'You'll call me if you need help, though?'

'Oh sure, and you'll run out of your interview to pick it up? "Sorry, I've gotta go! My girlfriend needs help leading her acapella group!"'

'Oh shut up,' Chloe scowls at her, but only for a moment, before it fades back into concern. 'I don't want you to feel like you're on your own with this, that's all.'

'I've done this before. I know what I'm doing.'

'True,' Chloe concedes. She then steps forward, winding one hand in Beca's hair, then resumes the kiss she was about to begin a minute ago. And although Beca is being - mostly - honest about her lack of nerves while leading the Bellas, she still leans into it, drawing strength from it in a way she never would have thought possible only six months ago. She's always considered herself the opposite of touchy-feely, but still there is the odd moment where she just  _craves_ Chloe's touch. It doesn't make much sense to her, but she's learned not to resist it because of how happy it makes Chloe.

What was meant to be a short kiss rapidly escalates into something more intense - Chloe just can't help herself - until a tired voice from inside the room interrupts them. 'Not that I don't fully support lady lovin' first thing in the morning, but could you guys at least shut the door? There's a draft.'

Chloe chuckles, looking over to see Cynthia Rose's sleepy eyes peeking at them from beneath her bed sheet. 'Sorry, CR,' she calls. She turns back to Beca, swiping a thumb over her cheek affectionately. The doe-eyed look she gives Beca is far too mushy for this time in the morning. 'I gotta go, Bec - but I'll call you as soon as possible, okay?'

One more rushed kiss before Chloe has to literally run off, swearing about being late. When Beca shuts the door, Cynthia Rose is struggling into a sitting position beneath her mountain of blankets. She notices her smirk, barely hidden behind a not very convincing yawn. 'What're you smirking at?'

'Oh, nothing. Just never get tired of watching you two,' Cynthia Rose comments, rubbing her eyes. 'It's cute seeing how Chloe got you completely whipped.' Beca rolls her eyes - comments about her being "whipped" have become old hat by now. 'Then again, I'd probably be whipped for Chloe too.' Her lecherous smile grows, so Beca picks up her pillow from her bed and smacks Cynthia Rose's over the head with it.

'Down girl,' she says with a glare that isn't the remotest bit serious. Cynthia Rose makes jokes like that a lot - it bothered her a little at first, but she soon realised this particular perverted facet of Cynthia Rose's humour extended to  _all_ girls, not just Chloe. 'Chloe's mine.' She smacks her again for good measure.

'Ow!' Cynthia Rose cries dramatically, shielding her head from further blows. 'Stop, that hurts!'

'Wuss.' But Beca throws the pillow back on her bed anyway, sitting down with a slight sigh. Cynthia Rose, who is eyeing her suspiciously, pushes back her covers and starts trying to arrange her hair back into some kind of presentable order.

'How're them nerves getting on anyway? And don't bother lying this time.' When Beca raises an eyebrow, Cynthia Rose scoffs. 'B, I don't have to be getting in your pants every night to know that hamster wheel in your brain is on overdrive. I know your worry face.'

She grimaces, ignoring the comment about getting in her pants. Cynthia Rose still seems to assume the two of them bang like bunnies every night, doubtless imagining everyone's sex drive to be as active as hers. 'Yeah... I'm not feeling too great, to be honest.'

'Meh, don't worry about it.' Cynthia Rose hops out of bed, searching through her drawers for her shower stuff. After several minutes of fruitless searching and muttering, she and retrieves them with a triumphant 'Aha!'. When she turns back, it's to find Beca staring at her incredulously. 'What?'

'You call that a pep talk?' says Beca.

'You don't  _need_ a pep talk, Beca, because everything's gonna be fine. Trust me.' Beca frowns at that, not particularly soothed by her roommate's words. Cynthia Rose seems oblivious, throwing her towel over one shoulder. 'Anyway, I'm gonna go shower - don't wait for me, I know you probably wanna go and make diagrams on the board or whatever it is you captains do. I mean,  _I_ wouldn't know,' she adds with a flippant shrug.

Is that bitterness Beca detects in her tone? She seemed alright before, but Cynthia Rose  _had_ been quite upset to not be made captain initially. Maybe she still wasn't over it. Beca asks hesitantly, 'Hey, you're not still mad at me for making Amy co-captain over you, are you?'

'What? No!' says Cynthia Rose, her eyes widening comically. 'Of course I'm not mad.'

'It's just that Amy's actually really good at transcribing music, and also surprisingly good at talking people into helping us out. I mean, she managed to get Howie to let us come back for the SBT mixer even after last year's disaster.' Beca hadn't asked how, exactly, but Amy achieved it with only a few phone calls and ten minutes alone with Howie in another room. She'd brought Lilly with her, so maybe she was better off not knowing.

'She did? Cool. And seriously, I'm not mad anymore.' Cynthia Rose is terrible at lying, or pretending that she's not. Currently she's fiddling with the frayed edge of her towel, and is very obviously not meeting Beca's eyes. 'That'd be stupid.'

'Right...' Beca decides not to push the issue; she supposes there must be a reason that she wants to continue this act of pretending not to be angry instead of talking to Beca about it. However, she soon remembers something that she could use to get Cynthia Rose back on her side a bit. 'Oh, by the way,' Beca says, attempting to sound innocent. 'I'm gonna need people to help me choreograph our set when it's finished, so... Do you think you and Stacie would be interested in working on that together...?'

It takes a moment to sink in, but eventually Cynthia Rose grins.

'You play dirty, Mitchell.'

* * *

_**Good luck today, baby. I wish I could be there with you but I know you'll be amazing. xx** _

Chloe sent that text twenty minutes ago, just as Beca was leaving for practice, but she's sure she's already read it forty times in an effort to calm her nerves. She's been out here for at least five minutes just trying to psych herself up to go in. All the other Bellas are here already, and there doesn't seem to be any discernible reason why she can't get herself to go in... Her legs have just stopped working, as though someone glued her boots to the auditorium's stoop without her knowing. At least that would make sense; this odd paralysis, however, does not. And no matter how much she berates herself or tries to tell herself it'll be okay, she literally can't move.

Just as she's considering calling someone to physically pick her up and drag her inside, her phone chimes. She looks down to see Chloe has sent her another text.  _ **Make sure you put either Titanium or Just The Way You Are/Just a Dream in the set list this year! ;) Don't you forget about me, Beca.**_

The joke makes her chuckle. Just for a moment, it helps to break the spiral she's got herself trapped in; she replies:  _ **Thanks**_ **,** knowing Chloe will understand. And then - before she can talk herself out of it anymore - she throws the door wide open.

'2012 ICCA champions, aca-bitches!' she catcalls with a small tremor in her voice, the door to the auditorium rebounding painfully loud off its frame. They don't seem to care, already cheering raucously upon her entrance - they're all seated in a half circle, waiting for Beca. She grins as she walks into the middle, highfiving each of the girls in turn. 'You guys ready for another year of grueling choreography and last minute sets?!' She'd practised that one outside, and her delivery is over-rehearsed and awkward. Nonetheless, she's gratified when they shout 'Hell yes!' back to her.

Beca stops at the front of the semi-circle, feeling a slight twinge low in her gut when they all gaze back at her expectantly. But there's no reason for her to be worried - all the usual faces are back from last year, with the addition of two new girls. Ashley has highlights and Lilly's gained a nose piercing, but other than that everything's the same - save for the fact she's the one directing the group this time. She glances nervously at Amy, who gives her a big thumbs up and a bracing smile, gesturing for her to take the floor.

She knows these girls, and she knows music. She can do this.

'Right,' says Beca, clapping her hands together to get their attention. She grimaces. That gesture was far too Posen for her liking. 'Unlike last year, we're starting from the beginning - and I'm gonna be honest, guys... I haven't really had time to think of a new arrangement yet.' She gives them all a sheepish shrug, chuckling when they tut and share looks of amused exasperation.

'This is unacceptable, Beca,' Amy says mock-sternly in a dead on impersonation of Aubrey, although the accent wavers a little. 'What kind of captain are you? Just turn in your pitch pipe and go. I can handle it from here.'

Beca pretends to hang her head and hands the pitch pipe over to Amy, who blows a random note. 'I saw the sign!' she sings, deliberately off-key. 'Aww, yeah, bitches! Now who has the power? Bow down to Amy!'

'Our  _Queen_ ,' Beca deadpans, bowing. 'What is your first command as ruler of the Bellas?'

Amy draws herself up to her full height, adopting a regal stance and wielding the pitch pipe like it's a very tiny sceptre. 'Oh, I dunno,' she says. 'Maybe you worms could fight to the death in exchange for my attention?'

'What is this, The Hunger Games?'

'Ooh, I get to be Jennifer Lawrence!' chimes in Stacie.

'The character is  _Katniss_ ,' Beca reminds her. 'You can't  _be_ Jennifer Lawrence.'

'If she gets Jennifer Lawrence then I get Elizabeth Banks,' says Cynthia Rose. At the weird looks she gets, she shrugs. 'What? She was a fox in that film.'

'I want to be Snow,' whispers Lilly with a small smile, just in ear-shot of Beca and the two new girls, who have remained quiet and confused until this moment. They stare at Lilly, alarmed.

Beca seizes this moment to get them back on track. 'Getting back to actual acapella stuff, though,' says Beca, snatching the pitch pipe back off Amy. She looks put out. 'I figure we use today to throw out ideas, and then start putting together stuff tomorrow. That sound good to you guys?' She scans the room, seeing nods. Her eyes linger on the two new girls who she picked to replace Chloe and Aubrey - Mollie, a mezzo, and Lauren, an alto. Beca tries to remember their auditions a week ago; they were decent, but not a patch on the old captains. The pool of talent to pick from this year had been disappointingly thin.

She smiles at them, nonetheless. It's hesitantly returned by Mollie, but not Lauren, who seems to find scowling at the floor a lot more interesting. Huh. Well, she'll deal with them later; for now she has captain stuff to get on with. Whatever  _that_  means. Beca crosses to the whiteboard, and is about to start writing on it when she realises something. 'Oh, crap. No pens… Anyone got one handy?' No one responds, so she shrugs. 'Fine, everyone get out their phones. High tech brainstorming it is.'

She can almost hear Aubrey berating her for not being prepared enough already.

* * *

An hour later, they have about twenty different possible song ideas - mostly put forward by Beca herself - but very little else. With many of the Bellas not having had a good catch up session for a while, they keep getting off track and gossiping about random topics that didn't have a lot to do with acapella, such as Stacie's complaining about how lonely her hunter is lately, or Lilly's new YouTube channel where she puts household items in the microwave. Even Amy, who is meant to be Beca's co-captain and help keep them in line, gets caught up in a lively discussion about the pros and cons of dying pubic hair.

Throughout most of practice Beca just stands there, and watches them with a confused look on her face - torn between wanting to pull them back into work but also not wanting to ruin their fun. It was far easier during her brief stint as captain last year when they had a deadline to work to, and because Beca seemed like the cool, laid back one by default next to Aubrey. Beca actually starts to feel a tiny bit more sympathetic for what she and Chloe went through last year, and why she was so highly-strung all the time.

Just a little, though.

Still, although practice drags on with Beca carefully veiling her frustration behind a small smile, eventually it's over. No one seems keen to leave quickly; most of them take their time putting their stuff away and continue chatting to each other. Behind all the gossiping Bellas she sees Mollie and Lauren trying to slip out unnoticed, but she calls them back before they can get out the door. A short but quietly intense squabble erupts between the two of them as Lauren tries to just walk off, but Mollie tugs her back.

'Hey.' Beca greets them, with a stiff wave. The other girls see this them talking but don't get involved; she's thankful for this, not wanting an audience while she tries to actually be a good captain. 'So, how'd you find the first rehearsal?'

Mollie glances at Lauren, who's currently gazing at her black nail polish with overly feigned interest. Beca barely suppresses a disdainful snort. Evidently the more outspoken - or at least, less annoying - of the two, Mollie replies honestly, 'It's a lot of work.'

'Man, you have no idea. Try creating a whole new arrangement and set of choreography for finals in just a month…  _That's_ a lot of work.' She feels a little smug at Mollie's awed expression, although Lauren's raised eyebrows suggest she doesn't care in the slightest. 'At least this year we've got time to get it together before Regionals.'

'I saw your performance last year on Youtube - you guys were awesome! You thought so too, didn't you Laur?' She elbows Lauren in the side, who shrugs.

'Whoa, stop, I can't handle so much enthusiasm,' Beca says, the sarcasm dripping into her voice before she can censor herself. Lauren blinks with surprise at the unexpected retort. She points over Lauren's shoulder to the door. 'You know, if you don't wanna to be here, exit's right over there.'

That angers Lauren, fixing Beca with a fierce expression. 'I  _didn't_ want to be here,' she hisses. 'The only reason I auditioned is because of Mollie.' Her gaze turns to the girl in question, still angry, but markedly less so. 'I'll be outside.'

As Lauren storms away, Mollie winces. 'I'm sorry about her,' Mollie says, fiddling with her fingers. 'She can be a little...'

'Bitchy?'

The comment could easily be taken the wrong way, but thankfully Mollie laughs. Beca really needs to work on her filter. 'I think "hot-tempered" is more accurate... She doesn't mean anything by it, though.'

'Hm.' Beca is unconvinced. 'Maybe not, but can you get her to lay off the sulky five year old act next time? We're a team and she's going to throw off that dynamic if she carries on.' Wow, she really is starting to channel Aubrey now. Thankfully Beca's phone buzzes suddenly in her pocket, offering her a convenient way out of this conversation and her sudden realisation that yes, she's beginning to take the acapella world seriously.

She takes it out, looks at the text, and grins. She's starting to believe Chloe is secretly psychic, because her timing has been impeccable today. 'Hey, you want to meet one of the co-captains from last year?'

* * *

When she makes her way outside, followed closely by Mollie, she spies Chloe rushing up the path. Her face brightens up as soon as she sees Beca. 'Hey!' She gets a brief warning in the form of Chloe's hands resting on her shoulders before she throws her arms around Beca, rocking her back and forth. She looks excited. 'How's practice going? Did you guys get a lot done? Were the Bellas mean to you?' She narrows her eyes at the girls.

'Ask them yourselves,' she says, blushing a little at the way some of the Bellas are smirking, given that Chloe still has her in her arms and isn't letting go. In fact, rather than doing that in order to talk to the Bellas, she sort of spins them both around so she's now facing the others. Over Chloe's shoulder Beca notices Lauren staring at them, her brow furrowed.

'Ah, Chlo, I just dunno what to tell you,' says Cynthia Rose, shaking her head mournfully. 'It all just went downhill after Beca forgot her whiteboard pen…'

'Yeah Chloe, Shorty just isn't pulling her weight,' Amy says. 'We're going to have to take her scarf... But maybe you should punish her instead. If ya know what I mean.' She makes a whipping noise followed by a lewd spanking gesture that makes Stacie snigger.

'Yes, Amy, we  _all_ knew what you meant. And fuck you, guys, I'm awesome.' Beca removes herself from Chloe's arms, but doesn't stray far. 'Stop trying to get me in trouble with my girlfriend.'

'She's  _your_ girlfriend?' Lauren pipes up, surprising them all. Beca's hackles immediately rise at the scepticism in the girl's tone. Surprisingly, it's Chloe who speaks first.

'Yeah, she is,' says Chloe proudly. 'And she's a damn good one at that.' She lets go of Beca and approaches Lauren. 'You're one of the newbies, aren't you? Lauren? And Mollie,' she adds, smiling at the other girl.

'Yes,' Lauren replies, looking grudgingly impressed that Chloe seems to know her name already.

'It's nice to meet you. I hope you have a good time here with the Bellas.' She reaches out her hand to Lauren, which makes Beca raise an eyebrow; a year ago Chloe probably would have hugged her, whether she wanted it or not. As it is, Lauren gazes at the hand as though it's going to bite her, until Mollie clears her throat; then she reluctantly shakes it once, letting go as quickly as possible. Afterwards, she quickly folds her arms and adopts an aloof expression, but it's slightly ruined by the slight tinge of red entering her cheeks. Beca snorts; Chloe tends to have that effect on people. Chloe is unaffected by this display, shaking Mollie's hand as well. When she turns back to Beca, though, she can tell by her amused expression that she's thinking the same thing Beca is.

'Alright, guys,' Beca calls, realising she only has about half an hour before she's due down at the station, and she'd like to spend at least a little time with Chloe first. 'Same time tomorrow. Come back with actual ideas this time, alright?'

The other Bellas slowly filter away, some staying to chat briefly to Chloe and Beca. She gets a few thumps on the back and 'Good practice, Beca!' as the girls leave, though, which pleases her and puts a smile on Chloe's face. As soon as Beca's sure they're all out of earshot, she slumps against the wall, head in her hands. 'Typical,' Beca mutters, 'I get two new girls and one comes with a goddamn attitude.'

Chloe giggles. She steps into Beca's space, pulling her unresisting girlfriend forward into her arms and pressing lips to her temple. 'Hm... You know who she reminds me of, right?' she asks teasingly into Beca's ear.

'If you say me, Chloe, I swear to  _God_ …'

'You can't pretend the similarities aren't there!'

Beca snorts. 'No way was I that bitchy when I joined. Pretty sure I participated without making a fuss.'

'Except where Aubrey's set list was concerned,' says Chloe, her lips twitching, 'yeah, you were the  _epitome_ of enthusiasm.'

'Oh, shut up with your big words. Us lowly savages can only grunt and scratch our heads in your presence.'

'"Epitome" is not a big word,' Chloe tells her. 'And anyway, I'm sure you'll talk her around.'

'Are you kidding? Mollie seems to be the only one she listens to.'

'That sounds familiar too,' Chloe says, grinning. Beca shakes her head.

'So, anyway, you gonna tell me why you're so happy and why you're here?' she says. 'I'm guessing it's good news.'

Chloe grins broadly again, seizing Beca's hands. 'Well, I went back to the old coffee shop I used to work at a while back -'

'You worked in a coffee shop?' Beca frowns. 'You never told me that.'

'It was before I met you.' It always weirds Beca out a little to think of Chloe having a life before her, but of course she's had a whole three years of college without Beca. And yet somehow she's still here, dating this sophomore who can barely turn up to her classes - the thought blows her mind sometimes. 'I only worked there for a year, before I joined the Bellas. Anyway, my old boss is still there and she gave me my old job back on the spot!' She squeals and starts bouncing up and down, but stops when she notices Beca isn't. 'Why aren't you excited?'

'Oh, sorry.' Beca does a few perfunctory hops just to placate her, but Chloe is not convinced.

'What's the matter?' she asks. 'You don't seem too happy for me.'

'I  _am_ happy for you.'

'But?'

'But...' Beca hesitates. 'I'm just a bit confused. What happened to your interview this morning? For the managerial role?'

For the first time since she arrived, Chloe's smile slips a bit and the light behind her eyes dulls. But she plays it off like nothing with a flippant wave of her hand. 'Oh, yeah, that didn't work out. They said I wasn't experienced enough. But who cares, right?' she says brightly. 'At least I have an actual job now!'

'But you don't you think working in a coffee shop is a little beneath you?' Beca asks worriedly. 'Chlo, you graduated in like the top percentage of your class...'

When Chloe puts her hands on her hips, Beca immediately knows she's put her foot in it somehow. 'Well, what else do you expect me to do?' There's a slight tinge of red in her cheeks now. 'I need some way to pay the bills, and I've hardly got job offers flying at me from every direction.'

'Okay, sorry,' replies Beca, putting her hands up in front of her in a gesture of peace. 'If that's what you gotta do, then go for it it. I'll support you whatever.' She smiles hopefully at Chloe, who eventually returns it, much to Beca's relief. 'Thanks for coming here to see me, by the way. Means a lot.'

That makes her smile widen, and she hooks her fingers in Beca's belt loops to pull her closer. 'Of course. It sounds like you did a really good job today. I'm proud of you.' Chloe kisses Beca on the nose; she scrunches it up, pretending it grosses her out.

'You're mushy, Beale.'

She giggles, and kisses Beca on the nose once more. 'You love it. Hey... How long do you have until your shift?'

'About fifteen minutes.'

Chloe grins. 'I can work with that.' Before Beca has a chance to ask what that means, Chloe shoves her back lightly against the door of the auditorium. She ignores Beca's half-hearted splutters with a murmured, 'Shh,' and a kiss that successfully breaks any concentration Beca once had.

'Please, just no more marks,' Beca says faintly, hanging on for dear life as Chloe's lips break away to graze her jawline. 'Jesse made fun of me last time you did that.'

'No promises.'

'Chloe -'

_'Beca_ ,' says Chloe in her ear, voice low and just husky enough to make Beca's eyes pop out of her head... And convince her that Chloe is an evil genius who is going to make her late for her shift,  _again._

* * *

'Finally,' Jesse huffs, when Beca eventually arrives at the station, red in the face and rather dishevelled. Oblivious to this, he stamps his feet and rubs his bare arms furiously to try and get some warmth back into them; he's only wearing a t-shirt, so goosebumps have risen all over his skin. 'Luke hasn't arrived yet - I've been freezing my balls off out here for ages.'

'It's only September, you pussy.' Beca is surprised to hear that Luke isn't around. He's usually the most punctual of all of them. 'Where is he then?'

'No idea.' He looks pointedly at the door, so Beca sighs and roots through her bag to find her keys. The scoff he lets out when Beca retrieves them is nothing new; Jesse's still mostly relegated to stacking CDs, while Beca has her own set of keys to open the station when Luke's not around. It's been several months since she got them, but occasionally Jesse still acts sore about it. As soon as she gets the door open he shoots through it, shivering exaggeratedly and whining to himself.

'I'm buying you a scarf for your birthday,' she tells him in disgust. 'If you get cold that easily, wear a coat, idiot.'

Now he's a little warmer, Jesse is more amenable to talking. 'Well, I didn't know Luke wasn't going to be here, did I? I thought I'd be all nice and toasty inside by now.'

'I wonder where he is,' says Beca. 'Have you called him?'

'Only a million times.'

Beca checks her own phone - nothing from Luke for her, either. Jesse, watching her do this, comments, 'Oh, he's not contacted you either? I thought you two were best buds or something. Wasn't he going to be godfather of your future children?'

She scowls up at him. 'Don't be a dick. You know full well he gave me the keys because he wanted me to lock up after night shifts. It made sense to give me my own set.'

'I was only kidding, Be-caw.'

'Yeah, well, it's not getting any funnier,' she replies. She sets her bag down on the table before unlocking the booth to switch the computers on; when she comes back out, Jesse has his arms folded and one eyebrow raised.

'You seem grumpy,' he says. 'Something wrong?'

Sensing this is an olive branch, Beca decides not to bite his head off about the "grumpy" comment. It would just prove his point anyway. 'I just came from practice. I could hardly get them to focus and one of the new girls seems like she's going to be a major pain in my ass.'

'You mean like you were for Aubrey?' The look she fixes him with is decidedly unamused. Jesse smiles, sitting down on one of the tables. 'Yeah, I know the feeling. I'm lucky I've got Donald to help out, otherwise I'd have no clue what the hell I was doing.'

Beca nods along at first, but then startles when the full implications of this sentence sink in. 'Wait, you're captain now? When did that happen?'

'Co-captain.' He frowns. 'I told you that ages ago. And you saw me at auditions!'

'Oh... I must've missed that,' she says sheepishly.

'Hm,' he says, putting a finger to his chin pensively. 'Do you think that's because Chloe came to the auditions?'

'Don't be like that. She's my girlfriend,' Beca points out. 'Of course I'm going to pay attention to her.'

'Well, yeah, but sometimes you forget other people exist.'

Beca, rather offended by this comment, opens her mouth to bite back. However, they are interrupted by the sound of the door opening, and both of their heads whip around to see who it is. 'You're late,' Beca and Jesse chorus, as Luke stumbles in. He just rolls his eyes at the two of them, flipping them off with two fingers. He looks unusually dishevelled, as though he hasn't slept for several days; his usually immaculately combed hair is standing on end and his face is pale.

'Yeah, yeah, you've had your eyeful. Get back to work,' Luke snaps.

'He looks... Happy,' Beca comments watching through the window as Luke storms into the booth and slams the door behind him.

Jesse glances up from the CDs he grabbed in an attempt to look busy. 'Like always, you mean?'

'I'm gonna go check on him,' says Beca, ignoring Jesse's long-suffering sigh. When she opens the door to the booth, Luke's bent over the computer, scowling at something on the screen.

'No freshmen in the booth,' he says automatically as Beca steps inside.

'You can't use that line on me now - I'm a sophomore.' Luke just grunts, sitting down heavily in his desk chair and rubbing his temples. Beca eyes his slumped posture with some concern. 'You okay, dude?'

A crease appears in the middle of Luke's brow. 'Yeah. Fine. Ugh, have you seen my headphones? Can't find them anywhere.'

'Yeah, you really seem fine,' says Beca sarcastically. She spies the headphones on the table just behind Luke; she grabs them and is about to hand them over, but at the last minute pulls them back out of reach. 'Wait. Tell me what's going on first.'

'Becky, stop playing around. Give me them already.'

'Tell me,' she insists.

Luke sighs in defeat, throwing his hands up. 'It's nothing, okay? Just some family stuff.'

That distracts Beca momentarily, long enough that Luke can leap up and seize his precious Beats back from Beca. 'What do you mean, family stuff?'

'Just some drama. It'll blow over.' He puts his headphones on, already spinning round in his chair so he's facing away from her. 'And if you don't mind, I'd rather not talk about it anymore,' says Luke, already loading up programs on his computer. Beca nods, a little put out, but leaves anyway.

'So what's up?' asks Jesse, almost as soon as Beca's shut the door behind her. She quirks an eyebrow, having assumed Jesse wouldn't be interested - but apparently he's more worried than he let on.

'"Family stuff",' Beca replies, with added finger quotes. When Jesse's eyes widen, Beca nods grimly. 'My thoughts exactly. I'm seriously hoping that doesn't mean what I think it does.'

'Is it likely to be a problem, though? I mean, it's not like Luke's sister and Chloe are in contact... Are they?' he adds doubtfully when Beca frowns.

'Not that I know of. She probably would've told me if they were, right?' She bites her lip, running a worried hand through her hair. 'I dunno, dude - she hardly talks about what went on between them since that one time. And I don't bring it up.'

'I'm sure it's fine,' Jesse reassures her. 'I mean, Luke cares about Chloe. If it was going to affect her I'm sure he'd tell you.'

'Should I let Chloe know?'

'Maybe. She might appreciate the heads up in case Kate tries to speak to her.'

Beca shrugs helplessly, turning away. 'Well, what if I'm wrong and it's something to do with his parents? I don't want to worry Chloe.' She grabs a hefty stack of CDs, stuffing them roughly back into the bookcase.

She can feel Jesse's eyes on her, and knows that he's thinking. She waits for his inevitable question with her back turned, and eventually it comes in a quiet voice: 'You think she's planning something?'

Beca's shoulders slump. 'I don't know. I hope not,' she says. 'But... One thing is for sure. If she comes anywhere  _near_ Chloe, she'll regret it.'

'Spoken like a true badass,' Jesse teases. But he still pats her on the shoulder and offers her a small smile; and as he lifts some of the CDs to the higher shelves that she can't reach, she can't help but feel pretty glad he's here right now and that they're friends. That is, until he says innocently,  _'So_ , I see you've seen Chloe recently,' with a knowing smirk. She looks at him blankly for a moment, and then he fingers his collar; it all clicks into place.

And then it's back to blushing bright red and walking off into the stacks in a huff, with the sound of his chortles to torment her all the way.

Goddammit, Chloe.


	3. Chapter 3

For the first time in her life, Beca finds herself homeless.

Well. It's only temporary, and she still has a "home", so to speak, in her dorm room with Cynthia Rose - it's just very  _unavailable_ at the moment. And for that reason, bizarrely, Beca finds herself missing Kimmy Jin as her roommate; she realises now that last year she took the ease with which she can find somewhere to work for granted. Since she wanted nothing to do with Beca for the most part, they could easily go about their separate lives without a care in the world for the other person. Provided Beca didn't keep the light on too long at night when she was working, hum loudly, or generally remind Kimmy Jin that she existed, it was a perfectly harmonious partnership based on complete apathy about the other's presence.

And, as a major bonus, she never walked in on Kimmy Jin stark naked and having sex with another chick.

('Dude!' Beca had shouted. She covered her eyes with a forearm, but was too late to stop the images imprinting on her brain forever. 'It's ten in the morning! Put a freaking sock on the door or something!' As she slammed the door behind her, she heard Cynthia Rose call, 'Sorry B!'

Sorry doesn't cut it when you've seen your roommate's bare butt on top of another girl - and especially when, Beca couldn't help noticing, said girl had a striking resemblance to Stacie.

Clearly, they needed to talk.)

In desperate need of time to herself and some serious eye-bleach, Beca soon realises she honestly has no idea where she can go. The library is out, as she tends to commentate under her breath while she mixes - plus, she'd probably feel bad being surrounded by all those people working on essays and actually doing something with their lives. She could go to the station and set herself up at one of the desks, but it just feels sad to go to work to do  _more_ work- and, much as she enjoys Luke and Jesse's company, they'd probably just be a distraction. And a coffee shop just feels far too hipster for her liking. She has an image to maintain, after all, even if Chloe has been working daily to destroy it.

The thought then crosses her mind of going to Chloe's apartment, but she discards the idea quickly. Although it is Chloe's day off, she's been working all week and wouldn't appreciate Beca turning up out of the blue to sit there and glare at a screen for a few hours.

And so she ends up here, sitting near the campus pond, hoping the grey clouds overhead don't turn into rain. Outside has never been the most productive environment for her, especially when there are ducks and people wanting to look at the ducks milling around, casting curious glances at the girl huffing at her Mac every few minutes. The ducks in particular are extremely interested in the mix she's creating for the Bellas, but maybe she just looks like the sort of person that might give them food.

She is not.

'Go away,' she complains, when one duck starts grubbing near her legs. It quacks indignantly at her, looking up with its beady eyes, and waddles off in search of someone more charitable.

She'll call that one Aubrey.

* * *

A text arrives about ten minutes later from Cynthia Rose:  _ **Sorrrrry B thought you were out all morning! Don't worry will def put a sock or something up next time Xxx**_

Beca grimaces at the idea of a 'next time' and replies:  _ **That wasn't -actually- Stacie in your bed, was it?**_

_**Uhh no why** _

_**...no reason.** _

She puts her phone away after that, even though Cynthia Rose continues to text her, no doubt questioning that final comment. But she just can't deal with any of that right now; she has about a thousand mixes to make and needs some time to herself to get to work.

Naturally, it isn't long before she gets interrupted, because it seems as though when she is creating music that she's some sort of magnet for nosy people. Jesse's never been one to respect people's alone time at the best of times, never mind if Beca's wearing headphones that clearly say 'Busy right now'. He must just be lonely, or else really bad at reading social signals - that's the only reason Beca can come up with for why he approaches her with that unapologetic smile on his face.

She suppresses her noise of annoyance, in favour of sending him her own, far less genuine, smile. 'Hey,' he says, greeting her with a lazy wave as he flops down on the grass. He reaches over to mute her laptop. 'What're you doing out here all alone?'

'Just that - trying to be alone,' she replies drily. 'But I get the feeling that just ended.'

'Yeah, my "Antisocial Girl" radar was going wild.' Jesse winks, then starts rooting through his bag.

'What're you looking for? More juice pouches?'

'Nope, although I have a few of those too if you want one,' he replies with a grin. 'Actually, Luke wanted me to bring you something. Hence me being here, of course. I'd never want to see you for any other reason.'

Beca snorts - but as Jesse pulls out a flash drive from his bag, an ominous feeling hits her. She asks warily, 'What does Luke want?'

'Oh, he was wondering if you could make a mix out of some of the songs on here for him, says it's for a friend's birthday or something.' He pushes it into Beca's reluctant hands.

'And he couldn't ask me this himself, why?' Beca stares at the flash drive in dismay. It's 16GB - she really hopes he hasn't filled the whole thing.

'Apparently he thought you'd say no, so he made me ask,' says Jesse. He smirks, pretending to look smug. 'Although, can't really blame him. My charm is unmatched.'

'I'm not sure even your "charm" will make me wanna do this.' Beca sighs, pulling her headphones off so they rest around her neck. 'Ugh, when am I going to find time to do this on top of everything else to do?'

He laughs. 'What? You don't even study. What's taking up all  _your_ time?'

Beca huffs and ticks them all off on her fingers. 'Being a girlfriend to Chloe, being a loving daughter and friend, working at the station, running the Bellas... And I  _am_ trying to study this year, thank you very much,' she adds. 'Dad said he'd only let me stay here if I actually attended classes. I swear, the guy is a master of manipulating me to do things.'

'Oh, tough break,' says Jesse, whistling. 'And your dad is definitely an evil mastermind; that's probably where you get it from.'

'Totes.'

Jess raises an eyebrow. 'Isn't that Chloe's saying?'

Beca rewinds her thoughts a little and realises exactly what she said; she facepalms. 'It is. She's got me saying it too, ugh. It's too catchy.'

He smiles slightly, but she easily notices that it's a little strained. 'How are you and Chloe, anyway?'

'So-so,' says Beca with a small shrug.

That gets Jesse's attention - she tries not to think too hard about the way he sits up eagerly in response to this comment. 'What? I thought you were all loved up and stuff. Something happen?'

'No,' she answers. 'Nothing at all. That's kind of the issue, really - I've not seen her in like a week or so, because she's been really busy. New job.'

'Ahh. Curse of finally becoming an adult,' he comments.

'Unfortunately. Either that, or she's finally getting sick of seeing my face all the time.'

Jesse puts his hands behind his head and leans back into the grass again, folding one leg over the other. 'You worry too much,' he says. 'Chloe's in love with you, dude. She's not likely to get sick of you.'

'It could happen,' Beca retorts.

'Nah,' he says definitively, and that seems to be the end of it as far as Jesse is concerned. 'Speaking of Chloe being in love with you, have  _you_ said it yet?'

'Said what?'

'You know,' he says. 'The big one. The L word?' When Beca still looks confused, he laughs. 'Wow. How does Chloe deal with this all time? I meant have you said "I love you", yet, Beca. I'm gonna guess from that dumb, blank look on your face that you haven't.'

Beca scowls to replace her "dumb" and "blank" look. 'Not that it's any of your business, but no.'

'Why not?'

'I just haven't, and did I mention "not your business"?'

'But you do love her?' he presses.

Her scowl deepens. 'Jesse, seriously.  _Not your business.'_

 **'** Alright, alright,' he says, putting up his hands.

'Why are you always so interested in my relationship with her anyway?'

He averts his eyes, shrugging. 'Dunno. I just like getting progress reports about your relationship, is all. Why aren't you with her right now, anyway?' he says quickly. 'She'd probably be able to help you with your Bellas arrangement. I mean, I would, but I'm all about the masculine, powerful voices, not squeaky lady voices.'

'Ha ha,' replies Beca monotonously. 'She's probably too busy to come over.'

'"Probably"? So you're not sure?' he says. 'You might as well text her. She'll probably come running. She always does.' At Beca's doubtful look, 'Go on, do it. You might as well.' Beca sighs but does so anyway, partly because she herself is hopeful about what Chloe is going to say - she hasn't spoken to her since yesterday.

 _ **You busy?**_ she texts.  _ **I'm sitting down by the pond if you want to join me.**_

'She's not going to respond,' Beca whines when nothing happens for a whole minute. 'And now I've probably bothered her and she'll be mad.'

'Just  _wait_ , God. Seriously, how does she put up with you?'

It takes another few minutes during which time Beca starts getting very antsy and Jesse threatens to break her headphones, but eventually Beca's phone vibrates with a new text. Jesse gestures for her to read it, which she does.

The reply reads, _ **Sure. I can't stay long, but I'll stop over - be there in ten.**_

Beca looks up in disbelief. Jesse smiles slightly and flicks his sunglasses down over his eyes. 'Told you she loves you.'

* * *

Beca tells Jesse he needn't leave, but he insists on leaving anyway before Chloe gets there, 'in case she rips my head off for spending time with you.' He laughs it off awkwardly when Beca's only response is to stare at him, but he doesn't stick around to elaborate. Maybe it's for the best, anyway; it's perfectly obvious to Beca and anyone else with a few braincells to rub together what the reasons are behind his odd expressions and seemingly limitless interest in her relationship with Chloe. It's beginning to worry Beca. Whenever they interact, his declaration of his feelings for her last year lurks in the back of Beca's mind. Although he's never brought it up again since their one conversation about it, it still remains there - a massive pink elephant that screams "GAYZONED" whenever he looks at her.

But then, what could she possibly do to stop this? He already knows she's a) solely attracted to women and b) dating Chloe, so he should know there's no chance anyway. He made the choice to stay friends with her, so surely it's up to him to work through that on his own.  _She_ has no accountability here.

Probably. She can never shake that vague feeling of guilt wherever Jesse is involved, as though it's  _her_  fault he has a crush on her, or whatever. He's certainly good at doing that, with his wounded puppy-dog face whenever she brings up Chloe, and his (what she assumes to be) exaggerated interest in their relationship together so he can seem like a good friend. It's hard not to just shout 'Get the hell out of it!' in his face sometimes, when he's being a dick about things - but then he's kind of sweet about it, like today. It'd be nice if he was at least consistent in being a dick or sweet - then she'd know where she stood.

A tap on her shoulder breaks her from her moody ruminations, and she looks up to see Chloe standing there. Her face lights up as soon as they make eye contact; Beca smiles too, and moves over a bit so Chloe can join her. Once they're settled on the grass, Chloe gestures questioningly towards her ears. Beca obediently lifts her headphones off and hands them over. While Chloe puts them on she presses play on her long-forgotten mix and waits anxiously for a reaction while Chloe listens. When she finally starts tapping a beat on her leg and nodding her head, Chloe-Speak for 'I love this beat', she relaxes.

'Sounds good,' comments Chloe when it's done, sliding the headphones down so they rest around her neck instead of giving them back. 'What's that for?'

'Bellas. I want to make them a demo to listen to for the arrangement we're going to sing.'

'Oh, in that case, they'll love it. It'll sound great when you get it all straightened out.' She glances around her, taking note of all the people wandering around - talking, walking, sitting the way she and Beca are. Unusually social for Beca, she knows Chloe is thinking. 'Didn't know you liked to come here.'

'Wasn't sure where else I could go. Cynthia Rose has someone "over" right now, so my room is kind of a no-go area...'

Chloe laughs. 'Oh, no. Hey, maybe we should return the favour for her sometime,' she says with a wink, making Beca blush. 'By the way, you could always come to my apartment to work, if I'm around.'

'Are you sure?' asks Beca, surprised. 'I don't want to disturb you or seem antisocial.'

'You wouldn't be. I know how hard you work on these, so you might as well have somewhere nice to do it. Plus - kisses and snuggles during breaks,' she says, grinning when Beca cringes at her cutesy language. 'What, not tempted?'

She is, but plays it cool. By now her façade of not enjoying the attention Chloe bestows on her is so thin it's almost transparent, but it amuses Chloe when Beca pretends she's not into it. 'Alright,' she says with a nonchalant shrug. 'Next time I need somewhere to work, I'll come to your place.'

Chloe grins excitedly and bumps her body against Beca's. 'Yay! It was the snuggles that drew you in, wasn't it? You're so mushy,' she teases; Beca shakes her head in response, but affectionately. Chloe leans her head against Beca's shoulder, weight pressing comfortably into her side. 'This okay?' she asks absently, as she reaches for Beca's hand.

As she's nodding, something occurs to Beca. 'You know, you don't ask me that much anymore.'

'Oh. You're right,' says Chloe worriedly. 'I guess I started assuming certain things were okay now so I stopped asking. God, I'm sorry - should I have been?' Chloe makes as though she's about to retract her hand, but Beca grips it tightly.

'It's okay,' she reassures her. 'I'm pretty used to it by now.'

'I just forgot. You haven't said anything about it for a long time.'

'It's not a big deal - I got used to it for the most part. I think it's one of those things you have to practise, and I definitely get a lot of that with you. Besides, it's worth it.' Chloe's beaming at her; Beca returns it, confused at why she's smiling. 'What?'

'Nothing,' says Chloe softly. 'You're amazing. That's all.'

'Oh, well, tell me something I  _don't_ know.'

Chloe giggles. 'You really are though, seriously. You get upset about things you struggle with, but you always forget what you  _can_ do. No, don't make that face,' she berates her. 'Right: tell me three things you can do now that you couldn't do this time last year.'

Beca groans. Chloe likes to get her to do exercises like this - Beca thinks she fancies herself some kind of counselor. 'I can hug you,' she replies grudgingly, after Chloe gives her an expectant look. 'And hold hands.' She hesitates.

'That's only two,' Chloe is quick to point out.

'And... I can kiss you without worrying.'

The corner of Chloe's mouth quirks upwards. 'Oh really?'

'Usually,' Beca reminds her.

Chloe leans in closer. 'Prove it,' she challenges. Beca wants to laugh at Chloe's constant habit of wanting to kiss her in odd places, but as ever she doesn't put up much resistance anymore; Chloe meets her halfway and sighs happily into the kiss. Beca breaks it after only a short amount of time, wary of the people around them. Chloe hums a little in satisfaction. 'Well, you're definitely getting better at  _that_ every day.'

'Implying I wasn't awesome at it already.'

'And the size of your ego is increasing every day as well,' says Chloe, rapping lightly on Beca's head with her knuckles. 'I swear, soon you'll struggle to fit your headphones on because your head will be so big.' Chloe falls silent, watching some of the ducks wandering around the edge of the pond. Her features start going all soft; if allowed, Beca knows she could probably stay here for hours just looking at those damn ducks. 'I wish we had some bread to feed them.'

'Isn't that bad for them?'

'Is it?' asks Chloe in surprise; Beca shrugs, not even sure where she got that bit of information from. 'Wow. Didn't know you knew much about ducks.'

'Of course. During the day I am a DJ, but in the night I am the superhero, DG... Duck Girl,' Beca deadpans, making Chloe chuckle and swat at her.

'You're too cute sometimes,' says Chloe. Beca grins at that, turning towards her.

'Yeah?'

'Very.' Chloe leans in to kiss her again, longer than the one earlier. 'I've gotta go, but why don't you come over later? I want to make you dinner.'

It takes Beca a moment to blink back into awareness through her brain fog, still a little caught up in the kiss, but eventually she manages to get enough brainpower to say, 'Um, okay. That sounds nice. I have practice this afternoon but I can come over afterwards.'

Chloe grins broadly as she pecks Beca on the lips. 'Sounds good. I'll see you then?'

Beca nods, receiving yet  _another_ kiss - she seems to have a slight addiction to that - before Chloe hops up. As she walks away she's concentrating so hard on waving goodbye she nearly walks straight into someone walking along the path.

At least she's not the only one so completely caught up in the other to the point of distraction.

* * *

'Hey, B... Can I talk to you?'

Cynthia Rose shuffles up to Beca, looking nervously around at the other Bellas filing out of the door. Beca had very carefully not made any eye contact with her throughout practice, and had been hoping to run out to Chloe's before they could have this conversation; no such luck, however, as she Cynthia Rose walked straight over to her as soon as she dismissed practice. Beca tries her best to keep her face neutral as she says, 'Sure, what's up?'

'Uh, it's about what you walked in on earlier.' Beca doesn't feel the need to answer; she'd already guessed it was regarding that. Cynthia Rose takes a breath. 'I'm sorry you walked in on us,' she says in a rush. 'I feel like a douche. It's just, I was at her place last night and only meant to come by to pick up some stuff, but she came with me and then one thing led to another and clothes were coming off -'

Beca cuts her off, not willing to hear any more details. 'I get the picture,' she says, wincing a little. 'Don't worry, dude. Some warning would be nice, but it's cool. I'm not angry,' she reassures her when she still looks concerned, slightly bemused at the fact Cynthia Rose seems so upset about the idea of angering  _her_.

'Right, right.' Cynthia Rose runs a hand over her hair, shifting from foot to foot. 'Will definitely put something up on the door handle or text you next time. Sorry again, B.'

'No prob.' Beca frowns, looking at Cynthia Rose a bit more closely. She seems unfocused, and far less bubbly than she normally is. 'Um, you okay?'

'What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine,' says Cynthia Rose after a few moments, seemingly not having even registered Beca spoke at first. 'Had a long night, is all. Oh. Hey, can you do me a favour?'

'Maybe?' answers Beca warily.

'Don't tell anyone about who the girl looked like? Especially not...' She struggles to finish the name, but Beca can easily guess who she means. She nods quickly; Cynthia Rose looks relieved. 'Awesome. Thanks.'

'Are you  _sure_ you're okay?'

'I'm great,' says Cynthia Rose unconvincingly. 'Anywho, gotta go. Places to be, and whatnot. I'll see you later?' she asks hopefully.

'Oh,' says Beca, suddenly remembering, 'No, sorry. I'm going to Chloe's.'

Cynthia Rose suddenly smirks. She coughs lightly into her fist to hide it. 'You know... You can always bring Chlo back to ours instead, if you want to,' she says, wiggling her eyebrows. 'I can go somewhere else, just send me a text or you can do the tie on the doorhandle thing too.'

It takes a moment, but when Beca realises what she's getting at, she flushes. 'Oh - uh, no, that's okay. We're not  _there_ yet.' Cynthia Rose's look of surprise makes Beca uneasy.

'Really? But Chloe's so - y'know, touchy-feely - I thought by now she would have...' She trails off at the expression on Beca's face.

'She would have what?' says Beca, with a touch more steel in her words than she would have liked.

'Nothing, nothing,' Cynthia Rose replies quickly, apparently realising she's touching on a sensitive issue. 'Just talking outta my ass as usual. Anyway, better go! Later.'

She scuttles off as fast she can after that, leaving Beca completely alone in the auditorium to clear up after practice. Even Amy didn't stay behind to help. Beca sighs as she collects her bag, stacking chairs on the way.

Just as Beca's stacking the last chair and making her way out the door, her phone starts ringing. Beca takes it out and lets out a deep sigh when she sees that it's her Dad calling. 'Hi, Dad,' she greets him, with little enthusiasm.

'Hello, Beca!' Apparently her dad has enough excitement for the both of them. 'I would have texted, but you appear to be ignoring them.'

'Ignore your texts? Perish the thought, father. I've had stuff to do, that's all.' Alright, maybe she has deliberately ignored a few. Or five, or six. But she's been  _busy_.

Busy ignoring his texts, that is.

He lets out a very familiar long-suffering sigh. 'Don't worry, I won't monopolise any more of your precious time.' Who actually uses the word "monopolise" in an actual conversation? 'I'll cut to the chase: I wanted to see if you're available for dinner tomorrow night.'

Beca barely manages to suppress her groan, if only so her dad doesn't get mad at her. Although she tries quite hard to avoid these weekly dinners with whatever excuse with work, generally she has to turn up at least once a month or her dad will get pissed off. She's missed the last few since she came back to Barden. Unfortunately it seems he's getting wise to this, as he says wryly, 'So what excuse will it be today? Bellas practice? Shift at the station?  _Rabies_ **?'**

Beca winces; that last one happened last year. Desperate times called for desperate measures. 'That was one time _,_ dad. Let it go.'

'Not a chance. So, what do you have to say then?'

Beca wracks her brains, but unfortunately she's coming up short. 'I... guess I don't have one,' she says through gritted teeth, already hating herself for admitting defeat.

'You don't?' Dr Mitchell sounds delighted. 'Wonderful!' And then, before Beca can say anything else, or hang up, 'Oh! Why don't you bring Chloe along?'

And here it is: his real agenda for wanting her to come over. And oh, no. No way. Chloe absolutely cannot be exposed to the mess that is the Mitchell family. Bad enough she has to deal with Beca. She lies quickly, 'I don't think she'd be that interested in coming.'

'Why not?'

'She's got stuff to do.'

'What stuff? Rabies?'

'Will you let that go already?!' says Beca in frustration. 'I dunno, stuff! She's a busy woman. She doesn't want to be hanging around doing a stupid family dinner with you and the step-m - Sheila,' she corrects herself, hearing her father about to let out that long-suffering sigh again. 'Trust me, it's not her thing at all.'

 _'Hmm_ ,' says her father, with an annoyingly knowing tone. Beca puts her hand over her face, wondering if he'll hear it if she bangs her head repeatedly against the wall; she knows where this is going. Romantic advice, à la Dr Mitchell. Ever since she and Chloe got together officially he's been imparting all kinds of relationship wisdom to her in some misguided attempt to connect with his only daughter. Yeah, like she's going to listen to someone who's already been divorced once so he could go be with  _Sheila,_ of all people.

'What is it now?' asks Beca flatly.

'I think I know what's really going on here. I was the same when your mother met my family. Although, that was partly because she had a tendency to wear knitted cardigans, and you know how Nonna Mitchell feels about them.'

'Dad, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.'

'Well,' he says, 'it seems obvious to me that you're scared about introducing Chloe to us.'

'What?' Beca splutters. 'I am not scared!'

'Are you sure? Because I think you're only saying she won't want to come because you're worried she'll say no, or will judge you based on.'

Beca doesn't know how to answer that, given that he's kind of, ever so slightly, right. But she won't admit that to him, because he gets so stupidly smug when he manages to tap into even a tiny amount of truth. It's as though he believes he knows the root of all her problems, and by pointing these things out to her she'll suddenly throw her arms around him and cry tearfully, 'Oh, father! You have cured me of all my social dysfunctions!' Fat chance.

He's still going. 'She isn't going to do that, Beca, not if she really cares about you. And if she's not available this weekend there's other weekends.' After a moment where Beca continues to be silent, he adds, 'I really do want to meet her, Beca.'

' _Why_?'

'I want to meet the one person who's managed to get you to open up,' he says. That sigh again. She's beginning to wonder if he has a lung problem or something, since surely it's not normal to sigh this often. 'She's the only thing you'll actually talk about for more than five seconds. With everything else I just get one word answers, sarcasm or grunts as an answer.'

Beca grinds her teeth. He's pulling the wounded father card again - the whiny "I always try so hard and you knock me back every time, what more can I  _possibly_ do" thing he does when Beca isn't quite being the dutiful daughter he expects. She wants, more than anything, to just tell him to fuck off and hang up.

But... On the other hand, Chloe  _has_  been dropping hints about meeting her dad for a while now (such as asking, 'When can I meet your family?' - subtlety is not usually Chloe's strong suit). And she'll have to go either way  _eventually,_ so she might as well have company that doesn't make her want to strangle herself with the ugly tassels on Sheila's couch.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

 _Nope_ , Beca thinks, remembering who she's talking about. It'd still be awful.

'Just ask her,' he presses. 'You won't know unless you try.'

'I'll do my best,' she replies finally, mostly because she has to leave soon to go to Chloe's and she just wants this call to end. 'But I can't make any promises. And also, Dad, if she does come, you can't be weird around her, okay? No embarrassing stories, no protective father act, no grilling her about random stuff. Just be normal - if you even know how,' she adds, muttering the last bit.

'I don't know what you mean,' replies Dr Mitchell. 'I'll see if I can find your baby photos, though. I'm sure Chloe would love that cute one of you in the bathtub.'

He hangs up _,_ before Beca can yell at him.

She lets out a long-suffering sigh.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Chloe next chapter, and we finally start picking up the plot in earnest :D (Although, if you missed her here, that was kind of the point).


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Apologies for the slight lateness with this one, been pretty ill and not really been able to write or do my uni work, so my priority was catching up with the latter. For that reason I won't be posting the next chapter until the week after, since it needs a lot of editing. I need all the time I can get :P

 

Having dinner with her father and Sheila is never on top of Beca's list of favourite things to do - but, she will reflect later, at least with Chloe here it's a  _little_  more bearable. But only a little _._ On the whole, her evening has remained pretty much the same as it is every time she comes: her dad remaining insufferably nosy about every aspect of her personal life, and Sheila trying trying far too hard to get on with her and making surely exaggerated doe-eyes if Beca ignores or rebuffs her.

The only difference about this night is that she also has Chloe stomping on her foot under the table whenever she thinks Beca's being rude.

Still, Beca has to admit, thus far it isn't shaping up to be the worst "family dinner" she's suffered through with her dad over the years. Her relationship with him still remains frosty in person; however, it's slowly being thawed with Chloe's help, who seems to be everyone's favourite without even trying. Seriously - Beca doesn't know how she does it. It seems like from the moment she steps past the threshold she's already charming her dad and Sheila with one bat of her long eyelashes, and exclamations of 'Oh, that's so lovely!' at Sheila's half finished patchwork quilt resting on one of the armchairs. And what's more, she means every word of it - despite the fact that the quilt looks like someone stitched it together with her eyes shut.

They're both taken in by Chloe the moment she opens her mouth, and Beca can only watch with amusement as they fall over themselves to talk to her and make sure she's catered for.

'Sheila made your favourite, Beca,' Dr Mitchell tells them brightly, while Chloe and Beca seat themselves at the table. He whips back the covering on the dish with an exuberant gesture. 'Tuna casserole. Help yourselves!'

This hasn't been her favourite meal since she was eleven, after a bad batch gave her food poisoning. She only just hides her expression of disgust when the memories of getting to know the toilet bowl intimately come flooding right back.

On the other hand, Chloe has no qualms about showing her appreciation. 'Sheila, this is amazing!' she gushes, having taken a small mouthful. 'I  _have_ to get your recipe for this.' Never mind that Beca knows Chloe hates all seafood - one of few things she doesn't like, in fact. She still smiles politely and kicks Beca's leg under the table when she sniggers.

Sheila beams in response to Chloe's compliment, and her father gives an approving nod. 'So, how are things with your acapella group?' he asks Beca, already digging into his casserole with unbridled enthusiasm. 'I seem to remember you saying they made you captain.'

'The Bellas,' Sheila adds on - rather unnecessarily, Beca feels, considering everyone at the table knows the name of the group. She seems quite proud of herself for remembering, and she gazes at Beca like she wants recognition for doing so. Beca barely holds back a snort.

'Okay,' is her reply, while she pushes her food around on the plate in an attempt to look like she's enjoying it. She notices Chloe doing the same and smirks. 'Being a captain is more work than I thought.'

'So it takes up a lot of time, then? How are you keeping up with your studies?'

Same old questions, every time. 'Fine, Dad. You don't have to worry.' Alright - so she has a paper due in a few days that she hasn't even started yet. He doesn't need to know that. She sees Chloe suppress a laugh; it's her turn to glare now, nudging Chloe's knee sharply with her own. Chloe gets revenge by pinching Beca's thigh through her jeans until she lets out a tiny squeak; she coughs to hide it, taking a sip of water.

'Good, good.' He smiles at her, unaware of the mini war going on underneath the table. 'It's good to see you're really settled in this year, Beca. I'm so glad you decided to stay at Barden rather than going off to L.A - aren't you, Chloe?'

Chloe startles slightly at being directly addressed, but recovers well. She retracts the hand that had previously been making its way over the inside of Beca's thigh, while Beca herself breathes a sigh of relief. 'Of course!' she says. 'I don't know how I would've coped without seeing her every day.'

'Probably fine,' Beca interjects, although she's inwardly thrilled at hearing Chloe say such a thing, especially in front of her dad. 'Unless you're really that addicted to seeing my ear spikes every day?'

Chloe flicks said ear spike. 'I am,' she murmurs, biting down on her lip. 'It's becoming a problem.'

'I suppose it's for the best really,' says her father. When Beca turns back to him, she notices Sheila watching this interaction with what looks like amusement, and blushes slightly. Her dad's too busy focusing on his casserole to notice anything, thankfully. 'I know you had high-reaching dreams about being a DJ, Beca, but there's no saying whether it'd turn out the way you wanted. You'd probably have to be out there every night just to get someone to take you on, and even then it would be pretty unlikely. Don't you think?'

Beca's heard this one a few times and as usual just begins to tune him out, turning back to her plate which has mostly disintegrated at this point. However, Chloe (who hasn't been exposed to this diatribe before), decides now is a good moment to step in. 'Well, Dr Mitchell, I'm not sure that's necessarily true,' Chloe replies, making Dr Mitchell's - and Beca's - eyebrows raise in surprise. 'With the world we're living in now, people can share things with the click of a button. Things can become popular so quickly and so unexpectedly, you can't really make any claims about whether Beca wouldn't attract  _someone's_ notice, somewhere.'

'You mean on Youtube, or whatever that place is?' His nose wrinkles, as it always does when technology becomes a topic of conversation. She can tell he's mentally placing her up there with cat videos and people filming stupid pranks, such is the extent of his exposure to it.

'Well, maybe. Youtube is a possibility,' says Chloe, glancing at Beca. 'Websites like that certainly make it much easier to get yourself a following, don't they? You can get noticed from the comfort of your own bedroom.'

'So you really think she could make something of it?' His tone is skeptical. 'Online?'

'I have absolutely no doubt that Beca will be able to "make something of it" one day,' replies Chloe firmly, reaching for Beca's hand under the table. 'It'll happen one way or another because she's so determined for it to do so. Maybe not on the Internet, maybe not in L.A; maybe sooner, maybe later. But it will.'

Beca stares at her, awed by this display of faith in her abilities. Chloe's always been enthusiastic about her work, but to be honest Beca had always kind of assumed it was the kind of thing best-friends-and-then-girlfriends just had to say, as a matter of course. She hadn't expected Chloe to actually defend her, to her family of all people. Her father is obviously taken aback as well, but she can see the hint of a smile on his lips.

'Well, I suppose I don't understand all this "social media" hoo-ha anyway,' he says, 'so for all I know, Chloe is onto something there. Regardless, it's good to know you have someone who supports you so strongly, Beca.'

'Maybe she could give you pointers,' Beca retorts. Chloe gasps at her audacity in making this comment, but he just shakes his head, evidently used to it. He turns his attention on Chloe instead.

'Anyway, Chloe, what about you? What are you doing at the moment?'

Chloe's grin, which she's been diligently maintaining since she arrived, finally slips a little; Beca makes rapid eyebrow movements to indicate that he should change the subject. However, he remains as oblivious as ever.

'I'm sort of... In between work at the moment,' Chloe says, her usually confident voice wavering the tiniest bit. 'I just took back my old job working at a coffee shop, and I'm interviewing for various jobs when I can. Nothing has quite stuck yet, though.'

He nods. 'What is it you actually  _want_ to do?'

Seeing Chloe is beginning to look flustered, Beca opens her mouth to cut him off. For some reason, however, Sheila gets there first. She puts her hand on his arm, throwing a glance at the two girls across from her. 'Paul, maybe we shouldn't discuss this right now.'

However, Chloe squeezes Beca's hand and shakes her head at Sheila. 'It's okay,' she reassures the two of them. Beca stares pointedly at Chloe, who does the same; eventually, Beca sighs and sits back in her seat. 'I'm not entirely sure,' she tells Beca's father honestly. 'I always wanted to study English, and I managed to get my degree. But now I've graduated... Well, I'm not sure what I can actually  _do_ with it now, you know?'

Beca's father puts his knife and fork down side by side on the plate, licking his lips thoughtfully. He and Sheila are the only ones who've eaten everything, although Chloe's made a valiant effort at doing so. 'Have you considered teaching?'

Chloe laughs. 'That's what  _everyone_  asks when they find out what I studied.'

'Curse of the Arts student,' Beca chimes in.

'No, it's a viable question,' says Dr Mitchell. 'I was the same way when I started. I thought about all kinds of things before I settled on the academia route.'

'Is there anything besides teaching I could get involved in?'

'Of course,' he replies. 'There's journalism, for example -' When Beca groans at this suggestion, Dr Mitchell looks at her impatiently. 'And what is  _that_  noise for?'

'Chloe's way too talented to be stuck teaching or being a journalist for a living! Those are crappy jobs.'

'Don't pass your judgements onto her; it's not  _your_ decision.' Dr Mitchell nods sagely to Chloe. 'Ignore her. Do whatever  _you_ want to do. It's worth putting some thought into it, but equally you needn't work it out right now. There's still time.' He dabs at his mouth with a napkin, seemingly thinking. 'You know, Chloe, I might have a few colleagues that I could put in a good word with for you. I could see if they have any opportunities you could get involved in.'

Chloe straightens in her chair, her face lighting up. 'Really?'

 _'Really_?' says Beca doubtfully.

'Of course.'

'Well... Thank you, Dr Mitchell! That'd be really good if you could.' She grins at Beca, but frowns when she sees the expression on Beca's face. Her father notices too.

'What's wrong, Beca?'

'Oh, nothing,' she replies. They all notice her voice is cold. Good - she wanted them to.

Chloe lays her hand on Beca's thigh, distracting her from glaring at her father for a moment. 'Bec, don't -'

'Oh, Chloe,' Sheila calls - Beca hadn't even noticed when she left the room, but she managed to clear the whole table without them noticing. 'Come in here - I'll show you the recipe for the casserole.' Chloe plasters on a smile that Beca knows is at least a little false and disappears into the kitchen, but not giving Beca's leg a warning pinch and smiling gratefully at Beca's dad one more time.

As soon as she's out of earshot, Beca fixes her father with a look, crossing her arms. He still looks confused. 'What's the matter, Beca?'

'You know what.'

He makes a face. 'No... I really don't. I've never been good at mind reading, unlike you.'

'Your offer to Chloe,' she reminds him.

'Oh, that,' he says, brightening. 'Well, you're welcome. I mean, there might not be much they can offer her, but it's certainly worth a try.'

'Oh yeah? So what's the catch?'

Dr Mitchell blinks. 'There's no catch,' he replies. 'Your girlfriend seemed like she needed some help, and I was in a position to offer some, so I did. Nothing more sinister than that.' She must look like she doesn't believe him (she doesn't), because he sighs. 'Beca... Can't you just accept that I can do things without there being some malicious agenda behind it?'

'Not from where I stand,' she retorts. 'Not when you held L.A. over my head for the entirety of this year. Not when you spent like ten minutes telling me that my dream would never come true - but then when it comes to Chloe, she should "do whatever she wants"? Something isn't adding up, there.'

'You're missing the point,' he says, a tad peevishly. 'Chloe already  _has_ a degree, and she wants to use it - I'm just helping her to do that. And also, if I remember correctly,  _you_ were the one discouraging her from going into positions where her degree might be useful.'

'What?' says Beca, taken aback. 'No I wasn't.'

'You told her teaching was a "crappy" job,' he replies, complete with finger quotes, lest Beca believe such foul language was anything other than a direct quote from her.

'But Chloe doesn't even  _want_ to be a teacher.' Even as she's saying it, though, she's feeling doubtful. Fuck, he's right: she has no real idea what Chloe wants to do, since every time she brings it up she gets upset, so eventually Beca just started to not bring it up at all once it was established Chloe would at least be staying in Atlanta. This is probably the first time Chloe's actually spoken about it openly in front of her and saw some hope. And then Beca went and stomped all over it.

He's watching her carefully, seeing the emotions playing out on her face as she thinks through the situation. 'I'm trying to help - both of you, if the opportunity arises. When are you going to learn that you don't always have to have your guard up over everything? I'm your father, Beca, not the enemy. I only have your best interests at heart.'

That sounds awfully like something Chloe would say. Beca suddenly feels very uncomfortable.

'Chloe seems lovely,' he goes on. 'And obviously very good for you, as well. You've been far less surly today than you usually are, not that that says much - oh, stop it, you know what I meant. Chloe obviously makes you happy, and that's nice to see.'

'Yeah, well,' mumbles Beca. 'I guess.'

Dr Mitchell links his fingers together with his elbows on the table, resting his chin atop them. He surveys her over the top of them, where she can't help but feel that he's psycho-analysing her. Sure enough, he says, 'Try not to run run away from her just because it might seem scary. I know you have a tendency to avoid things when you find them difficult, but it would be good for you to make the effort this time around.'

That one touches a nerve with Beca; she growls, 'Like you're one to lecture me about not running away.'

He looks wounded at that comment, vindicating Beca, who is slowly becoming more and more angry. He sighs and sits back in his chair. 'Alright, I can see when my words are falling on deaf ears. Never mind.'

Beca's only response is to shrug and stand up, pushing her chair back in hard enough for it to screech on the wooden floors. She probably left a scratch mark; good, she thinks viciously, the image of Sheila on her knees crying over her ruined laminate flooring giving her a little too much satisfaction. 'I think Chloe and I are going to head off soon.'

'But you haven't even had dessert!' he says in distress, as though this is the worst possible thing that could happen. 'Sheila made apple pie.'

'Thanks, but I'll pass,' she replies between gritted teeth.

To her everlasting relief, all he does is give her a shrewd look; for once, he doesn't push it. 'Okay; I'm sure you have other things to do. Come back soon, though. And bring Chloe with you.'

She waves vaguely in his direction on her way to the kitchen. Here she expects to find Chloe either looking bored or disgusted while Sheila goes on about the recipe, but is surprised to find Chloe chatting away animatedly to Sheila, complete with hand gestures and flailing arm movements, the way she does sometimes when she's particularly excited. Sheila's actually joining in too - albeit less exuberantly - but still with a happy flush in her cheeks.

She watches these antics for a few moments, hearing mentions of her own name and the Bellas. 'Hi.' She forces her best smile. It ends up looking more like she has a bad case of wind. 'Having fun?'

Chloe whirls around, her grin flooding back in full force as soon as she sees her girlfriend. 'Oh hey, you! I was just talking to Sheila about the Bellas and the ICCAs,' says Chloe brightly. She reaches over to clasp Beca's hand in hers and pull her forward; she notices Sheila looking and averts her eyes, still a little unused to their relationship being so out in the open like this. 'It's so cool, Beca, did you know that she was in acapella too, back in college?!'

A weird, twisted feeling is beginning to settle in the pit of her stomach. She's never really gotten on with Sheila - or really tried to, for that matter - so to see her girlfriend do so so easily without a care in the world for the inner family politics of the Mitchell family makes her feel very conflicted.

'No. I did not know that.'

'It's so weird that you had this connection all along and you didn't know,' Chloe goes on, oblivious to Beca's darkening mood. 'And you'll never believe this - she was on the same team as G -'

'Can we go soon?' Beca interrupts. She's sorry to see the happiness drain out of Chloe's face and be replaced by concern, but she can't really stand another minute in this kitchen. Chloe seems to really see her for the first time since she stepped into the room, looking her up and down. She cocks her head.

'You okay?' asks Chloe in an undertone. When all Beca does is nod jerkily and dig her fingernails into the bicep of her left arm, Chloe doesn't miss a beat, turning back to Sheila. 'Alright, I think it's probably time for us to leave. It was lovely meeting you, Sheila,' she adds, with a genuine smile for her. 'And thank you for the recipe - I'll be sure to make it for Beca one day.'

Sheila and Chloe continue to talk for a little longer, but Beca doesn't say goodbye or wait for her, already making a beeline for the hallway and out the front door. She doesn't let out the breath she's holding until she's all the way down the path and standing next to the car, one hand on its hood to steady herself.

She tries to take deep breaths, but mostly she just feels a gnawing, painful feeling in her chest. It only increases when a few minutes later, she hears the crunching of gravel as Chloe approaches. She touches Beca's back gently, making her flinch a little, but she doesn't pull away. 'Are you alright?' Chloe asks, drawing small circles over her shoulder blades and up to the hairline at the back of her neck.

'Fine.' She straightens up, even though her chest still feels rather tight. 'Really,' she adds firmly, at the look on Chloe's face. 'Come on, let's just go home already.' She makes to get into the car, but Chloe grabs her wrist before she can go past.

'Hang on. What's the matter?'

Beca clenches her jaw but she knows Chloe won't leave it until she gives her  _some_ sort of answer. So she settles for, 'It makes me feel weird, seeing you guys interact so... Civilly.'

'Sheila?' Beca nods, although she means her father too. 'Well, she's a nice woman.'

'Really?' she says, snorting. 'I didn't think nice women broke up homes.'

' _Ah_ ,' says Chloe in a knowing way that, infuriatingly, reminds Beca of her father; her fists clench at her sides. Why does everyone claim to know her so well and then patronise her about it? 'So you're angry at me because I was friendly to Sheila?'

'I'm not angry at you,' says Beca, 'I'm angry in general.'

'For you, there's not always a lot of difference.' Ouch. That one hurts. Beca crosses her arms, trying not to bite back and prove Chloe's point for her; seeing this, Chloe steps forward and gently cups her cheek. 'Hey... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that the way it sounded.'

'So how  _did_ you mean it?'

'Well, not as harshly as that.' Chloe hesitates, biting her lip. 'It's just that sometimes you have a tendency to lash out when you're upset. I'm not the ene -'

'If you say "I'm not the enemy", Chlo, I don't even know what I'll do.' Beca sighs, rubbing her eyes. She can feel her hands trembling ever so slightly.

'Sorry.' Chloe kisses her apologetically on the forehead, lingering for a moment before she pulls back to gaze at Beca. 'Look: I know you have some painful history with her, but I couldn't very well just go "Sorry, I have to be rude to you because my girlfriend hates your guts", could I?'

'Why not?'

Chloe groans, stepping back again. 'Beca, what do you want from me? I thought you wanted me to get on with your family.'

' _She's_ not my family! How could she be? She ruined it!'

The outburst seems to surprise both of them into silence. Tears are pricking at Beca's eyes, but she tries to hide them. After a moment, Chloe gently runs her hands up and down Beca's arms, not receiving any protest, then pulls her into a hug. 'Okay,' she says quietly. 'Okay.'

'Fuck Sheila,' says Beca vehemently, because being angry feels a lot easier than crying right now. She grips the material of the back Chloe's shirt in her fist. 'Fuck everything about her. Fuck her taking my dad away.'

'She's not taking  _me_  away, Beca.' Beca didn't even say that out loud, but somehow Chloe always knows what she's thinking. 'You've never told me much about your family, you know.'

'Not much to say,' she mumbles.

'What happened with you guys?' Chloe presses.

'What do you want to know? I was nine. One day Dad was there, the next he wasn't.'

'That must have been hard,' says Chloe softly.

'Maybe. Loads of kids go through it. I'm hardly the only one.'

'That doesn't make it any easier to go through at the time. You were pretty young when it happened, weren't you?'

'I still am.' Beca lets out a noise of frustration. 'Ugh - look, I know it's immature to be like this with Sheila. Sometimes, though, when I talk to her it kind of feels like I'm betraying Mom. She was so torn up after they got divorced. So when I look at her, all I can think is "You split them up. You caused all that". And so to  _then_ see you guys being all buddy-buddy... It's weird for me, you know?'

'And you don't feel the same way about your dad?'

Beca's quiet for a moment. 'I do,' she says eventually. 'Most of the time. But on the other hand... I kind of  _have_ to learn to deal with him, since he's paying my college fees and stuff.' She laughs bitterly. 'Plus, he's gotten slightly less annoying over the last year, whereas I haven't even spoken to my mom since I came back to Barden.'

'She's quite proud to know you,' Chloe tells her, pushing back a lock of Beca's hair that fell into her face. 'Sheila. We were talking about the Bellas and she seemed so excited about the arrangement you made. She said she's "always loved acapella"... Maybe you two have more in common than you think. Things might stop feeling so painful if you try and see her as a person, beyond what went on with your parents.'

'Maybe. But that doesn't mean I want to be all best friends and painting our nails together with her.'

'No, of course not.' Chloe pokes Beca's sides, making her squirm slightly. 'Besides, I'm not sure Sheila would suit black nail polish.'

'She might. It'd match her soul.'

'Beca!' admonishes Chloe, but she giggles anyway. 'You're so bad, jeez.' She leans in and kisses Beca on the lips, then slaps her on the butt. 'C'mon you, put your smile on and let's go home. I've got a surprise for you.'

Beca looks up warily. 'A surprise?'

'I know you're not that fond of them, but I think you'll like this one.'

'Last time you said that, I couldn't even remember what happened the next morning.'

'Alcohol free,' Chloe promises. 'Trust me?'

Puppy eyes. Beca tries not to succumb, but if anything, her resistance to fulfilling any of Chloe's rather bizarre requests sometimes has just gone down since they became a couple. '... Fine,' Beca says reluctantly, making Chloe beam. 'But if I see any bottles of tequila, I'm out of there.'

* * *

The drive home is quiet and slightly awkward; Chloe throws Beca concerned glances out of the corner of her eye every few seconds, as though trying to reassure herself that Beca isn't likely to jump out of the window at any moment. Beca's still-lingering bad mood is not improved by the knowledge that the elevator currently isn't working, and now they'll have to make their way up four flights of stairs.

'Can't you carry me?' Beca whines.

'No way. Why don't  _you_ carry me?'

'I'd break my whole body.'

Chloe's eyes narrow. 'You calling me fat, Mitchell?' When Beca freezes and her eyes widen, it makes Chloe laugh. 'Just kidding. But still, I'm not carrying you. Up!' she says, pointing at the stairs. Beca lets out a long sigh and begins to trudge upwards at a snail's pace. She only picks up speed when Chloe slaps at her legs to make her go faster, but when she nearly trips Chloe quickly stops doing that.

'I was thinking,' Beca begins to say, once they've gotten to the second flight of stairs.

'Oh no!' Chloe says dramatically; Beca twists around to glare at her.

'Shut up, you know what I mean.'

'Sure, sure,' says Chloe, grinning. 'So what fascinating thoughts were you having, Miss Mitchell?'

'I'm not going to tell you if you keep teasing me,' Beca grumbles.

'Aww, Bec. don't be like that. Tell me your thoughts. Pl- _eeease_ tell me your thoughts,' Chloe says, drawing out the word with a whiny tone. She pokes Beca in the back, making her jump and nearly lose her footing on the stairs once more. 'Please please, please.'

 _'Fine,_ God. Eventually I'm going to break something with you around, I swear.' says Beca, with her trademark eye roll. 'Anyway. I was thinking maybe I should call my mom tomorrow.' She can't see Chloe's face but knows she's staring at Beca's back in surprise. She smiles slightly. 'I know, right? Me being proactive.'

'That sounds like a good idea to me,' says Chloe, although Beca can detect the note of caution in her voice. 'Why've you not called her, anyway?'

'Because it always turns awkward,' says Beca. 'She's as bad at small talk as I am. We always just end up with her asking about dad and what he and Sheila are up to and going off into a mood... We don't know how to talk about much else.'

'Maybe it's because you need more practice,' Chloe suggests. 'You should involve her more in your life up here. I'm sure she'd probably appreciate it.'

'Possibly. Or she might be mad at me for distracting her from online bingo.'

'Does she know about us?' Chloe asks out of nowhere, surprising Beca enough that her step falters a little. She thinks she recovers well enough for Chloe not to notice, however; she bluntly replies, 'Nope.'

'She doesn't? But... your dad does, right? I thought he might have told her.'

'He hasn't, as far as I know.' She leaves out the part where she begged for over an hour for Dr Mitchell to  _not_  tell her mom. At first he'd been insistent, but she managed to talk him down in the end. 'I don't really know how to tell her - she's weird about relationships, Chlo. I don't have any idea how she'll react.'

'Oh. Is it... Because I'm female?' Chloe asks, obviously trying to choose her words carefully.

Beca anticipated this question. 'No, it's not. She knows about that. But...' She struggles to find words to explain. 'She's just weird, like I said. She's never been interested in my life in general, to be honest, let alone my relationships. Or lack of... And meanwhile, my dad is  _too_ interested.' They scale the final flight of stairs, and Beca decides to change the subject. 'So what is this surprise, anyway?'

Thankfully, Chloe doesn't make an attempt to change it back. 'You'll see when we get indoors,' says Chloe, smiling when Beca holds the door to her floor open for her. 'I need to find it first.'

While Chloe searches in her bag for the key to the apartment, Beca tries her hand at guessing. 'Is it a puppy?' she asks. 'No, you know I'm not a dog person. A hamster. A cockatoo.' Seeing Chloe's expression, she switches down. 'A cactus?'

Chloe chuckles as she lets Beca in. 'You're awful at guessing.'

'Am I getting warmer?'

'Not even close. It's not an animal. Or even alive.'

'A dead cactus?'

Chloe groans, but the amusement is clearly visible in her expression as she lets Beca indoors. 'You're an idiot sometimes, you know that? Go wait in the bedroom for me.' Seeing Beca pause and her mouth open slightly, Chloe closes it for her. 'And it's nothing like  _that_! Jeez, mind out of the gutter, Bec. You're worse than I am.'

'Right,' Beca mutters sheepishly. She hears Chloe giggle when she quickly turns on her heel and marches off into the bedroom, hands shoved in her pockets to mask her embarrassment. Chloe has finally begun to decorate it to her liking after moving in over a month ago, and when Beca approaches Chloe's desk, she notices a photo she's never seen before. 'Wow, when did you have a Goth phase?' she calls. It's not  _exactly_ Goth since Chloe still has her red hair, but she's certainly wearing an excess of dark make up, and her expression is appropriately moody.

'My last year of high school,' answers Chloe. Beca can hear the sound of drawer opening, paper rustling, and then the drawer being closed again. 'I was listening to a lot of Evanescence.'

When Chloe comes back into the room, Beca tells her dryly, with a gesture at her eyeliner, 'My "goth phase" was in eighth grade, but sometimes I think I'm still in it.' She glances at the small envelope Chloe is holding. 'Is that the surprise?'

'Yes.' For some reason, Chloe is licking her lips and pushing her fingers through her hair, a sure sign of nerves. Beca picks up on this immediately.

'What's the matter?' she asks suspiciously.

'Nothing,' replies Chloe, much too quickly to be believable; when Beca simply gives her a "look", she sighs. 'Okay. Promise you won't freak out, okay?'

Beca immediately feels uneasy. 'You know, normally when someone tells me not to freak out, that  _usually_ means something's about to come that I'm going to freak out about...'

'No, this is a good thing, I swear,' Chloe insists, '... As long as you keep an open mind.'

'Starting to get freaked out, here, Chlo.'

'Okay, okay, fine,' says Chloe in distress. 'Just - close your eyes and hold out your hand!'

That doesn't sound like a cactus. Or at least, she hopes it doesn't. 'What?'

'Just do it.'

Beca makes a face at her girlfriend before closing her eyes and cautiously holding out her hand. She hears Chloe opening the envelope, and then something small and metallic drops into her palm; her hand automatically closes around it, feeling the jagged edges pressing into her fingers. It's not hard to tell what it is.

'A key?' says Beca, opening her eyes. Sure enough, there's a key sitting in the middle of her hand, grey and stark against her skin. She looks up to see Chloe watching her with a fairly heavy blush on her face, and the way she replies with a nervous, quiet, 'Yes' means it only takes a second for Beca to put the pieces together. 'This is a key to your apartment, isn't it.' When Chloe nods shyly, Beca holds the key up to eye level so she can examine it more closely. In reality, it's just a cover for her suddenly racing thoughts.

Chloe goes on, 'I know what you're thinking - it probably seems a little fast, right? This isn't me asking you to move in, don't worry. It's just - the thing is, you're probably going to be here a lot of the time as it is. A-and I've never lived completely alone so doing it now is kind of weird and - um, it's lonely, you know?' Beca opens her mouth to say something, but Chloe's still talking, the blush only getting heavier. 'Also, the other day I was saying you could come over if you needed to work, but I want you to feel comfortable here and like you can come and go whenever you want without needing my permission. You don't have to say yes right now!' she adds. 'You can think about it.  _Or_ we can just pretend I didn't say anything - but it's not like I'm asking you to move in or anything...' She lets out a loud, high-pitched laugh, wringing her hands. 'And um - can you say something now, because I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Beca clenches the key in her fist, then leans in and kisses Chloe. It's only a brief one, but it does the job in helping Chloe to relax, at least a little. 'I'll be honest,' Beca murmurs when they part, frowning. 'This is...' She searches for the words that won't make Chloe panic. 'A bit heavy?'

Chloe lets out the breath she was apparently holding. She looks crushed. 'Don't worry about it. Like I said - we can just forget I ever brought it up. Stupid,' she says under her breath, shutting her eyes.

'Stop that. I thought I was the one with the problem with not letting people finish their sentences,' says Beca in amusement. She turns the key over between her fingers, not quite believing she is actually going to utter her next few words. 'What I was  _going_ to say before you jumped to conclusions...' Beca licks her lips. 'Is that even though it's kind of a big thing for me, I'm trying not to just say no as a knee-jerk reaction. So...' she trails off awkwardly, seeing Chloe's smile beginning to reappear.

'So... You'll consider it?' she says excitedly.

Beca is wary of building up Chloe's hopes too much in case she can't handle it in the end, but she just looks so hopeful right now that she can't bear to let her down. She searches for the right way to go about this situation without fucking things up for the both of them. Chloe's right, it's not like she's asking Beca to move in with her - yet, anyway. All she's doing is giving Beca the explicit freedom to come and go in Chloe's space without having to feel awkward about it. Even Beca isn't blinkered enough to not see Chloe's trying to make her feel safer, not more trapped.

'How about this,' Beca says eventually, 'we'll try it out for two weeks. And if it doesn't work, then I'll give the key back. Then, maybe we'll try it again in the future. How does that sound?'

Chloe's smile widens even more into a fully-fledged grin as she takes in what Beca's saying, and then the next moment Beca's falling onto her back on the bed - Chloe tackled her. 'You're amazing,' she says happily, squeezing her tight. 'I was so worried you'd be mad.'

'Why would I be mad? It's a good idea, probably. Plus now I can read your journal and stuff when you're not around,' she adds teasingly. When Chloe's jaw drops, she smirks. 'Oh yeah. I know all your secret spots, Chlo. And can I just say I'm flattered by how much you write about my "killer ass" in there?'

Chloe growls and glares playfully at Beca as she sits up. 'That's it,' she says, climbing off Beca and reaching for her phone. 'I'm texting Jesse to tell him about that time in fourth grade when your girl-crush had a playground wedding and you got jealous and decided to crash it by punching the groom in the face!'

'Wait, what? That's not fair!' She tackles Chloe, trying to get the phone back, but Chloe's already texting furiously and using her superior height to hold the phone out of reach while she holds Beca back with the other hand. 'Stop that!' Beca wails, seeing Chloe is indeed texting Jesse and relaying the horrible details of her childhood to her best friend. Eventually she manages to bat the phone out Chloe's hand and grab it for herself.

'Too late, I've sent it,' says Chloe, sticking her tongue out.

'Oh, you suck, dude!' Beca cries, throwing the phone on the bed next to Chloe. 'I was just kidding about the journal thing!'

The colour drains out of Chloe's cheeks instantly. '... You were?'

'Yes! Christ, I'm not  _that_ nosy.'

'But... How did you know about how much I write about you and your ass?'

'I was just making a joke.' Beca stares at her. 'Do you seriously do that?'

Chloe slowly lifts up the phone again, and once more texts Jesse. From here Beca can see what she's typing:  _Just kidding omg sorry ignore that._ When she's done, she turns back to Beca with one eye shut and a sheepish expression. 'Um... Call it even?'

Beca is unimpressed. 'Try again.'

'... Dinner's on me next time?'

'Better. But only just. You're lucky I like you, Beale.'

Chloe crawls over to her, pushing Beca onto her back and snuggling up to her side. 'I know I am.' Chloe's body slumps onto Beca's heavily; she yawns, her eyelids drooping a little. All her previous energy seems to have dissipated as quickly as it came.

'You okay?' asks Beca, carefully pushing Chloe's hair back and smiling when she nuzzles at her fingers, cat-like.

'Yeah, I'm fine; just didn't sleep too much last night.' Chloe leans her head against Beca's shoulder, sighing against her neck. 'Also, you're super comfy.'

'How come?'

'Well, your shoulders are bony but surprisingly cushion-y -'

'That's not what I meant,' says Beca, nudging Chloe with said bony shoulder. 'Why couldn't you sleep?'

'Long shift last night, then when I got home I had some bills and stuff to sort out. It was pretty late by the time I got to bed.'

Beca knows that experience very well, but Chloe is usually pretty protective of her sleep and gets mildly cranky when she hasn't had a full eight hours. 'Do you want to go to bed?'

'Is that an invite?' Chloe's voice is mischievous, but even that sounds exhausted. Worried, Beca pulls back to look at her. 'Oh... Don't give me that look, Bec, I was only kidding.'

'It wasn't about that,' Beca assures her quickly. 'You just sound so worn out all of a sudden. You sure you're doing okay?'

'You worry too much,' says Chloe, already burying her face back in the space where Beca's neck and shoulder joins and tangling their legs together. 'I'm fine.' The firmness and sense of finality in those last two words suggests Chloe doesn't want to talk about it anymore, so Beca finally drops the topic and just slowly brings up her hands to link her fingers with Chloe's. 'Did you ever think last year we'd end up like we are now?' Chloe asks her.

'You mean me cuddling with an insane redhead? Well, I definitely hoped a few times.'

'Oh, only a few, huh? Thanks,' says Chloe, although her tone is light-hearted. 'You know, in all seriousness, I do have to pinch myself sometimes when I remember we got through all that drama and actually. I'm really happy we fought for each other in the end.' She squeezes Beca's fingers, who, uncharacteristically, feels so overcome for a moment that speaking coherently becomes a real struggle.

'... Same,' Beca eventually manages to say.

'Romantic as always.'

'Oh, shut up,' says Beca, bucking the shoulder Chloe is laying on. 'Meh. This definitely wasn't how I thought my time at Barden would end up - I mean, I thought I was headed straight to L.A. But then I guess the Bellas happened... And you.' Chloe's quiet: Beca knows there's something she's thinking about, and she doesn't have to wait long to hear it.

'Do you regret staying here?'

Do you regret staying with me, is what Chloe's obviously asking. The answer is easy. 'No. I don't think so. I mean, it'll be harder to break into a decent music scene down here, but like you said earlier, it's not impossible, right? Plus, there's things I'm learning and doing down here that I couldn't in L.A.'

'Like what?'

'Like having an awesome girlfriend, for one thing.'

'Yeah, I'm sure you could never find a girlfriend in L.A.,' Chloe teases. Beca feels her relax a little, body slumping against Beca's again. 'There's no girls at all up there.'

'I know you're kidding, but I really don't care,' she says, in an odd moment of honesty. 'I mean, you're here, so... That's where I wanna be too.'

Chloe's silent for a moment, but then she leans up to kiss Beca on the cheek. 'Sometimes I forget how sweet you can be.' She links her fingers with Beca's. 'Anyway, Atlanta isn't a complete write-off. There's the station, and the internet. You really should try Youtube or something.'

'You were serious about that?' says Beca incredulously. 'No way. My stuff would never get any views.'

'It doesn't matter. No one's stuff does at first - the point is getting your talent out there so as many people can be exposed to it as possible,' says Chloe. 'Barden is great and all, but unless Luke starts giving you better playing times then it's only going to go so far.'

'It feels like such a sell out, though,' says Beca, wrinkling her nose.

'Why? It's no different to you playing your stuff over the radio. Not really. And it's way easier to share around a Youtube video, so it'd be a good way to make an easily accessed portfolio of your stuff.'

'I guess that's... A good idea, actually,' Beca admits, mind already running away with the thought. Which ones could she put up first that were most likely to attract attention? Probably some of her more unusual mixes, or some of the dubstep stuff - or maybe the mix she made for the Bellas last year? 'Thanks, Chloe,' says Beca appreciatively, leaning to kiss Chloe on the nose, who hums in pleasure, a smile on her lips.

She curls back into Beca's body, and they lie there in silence for a while, Chloe's face tucked into Beca's neck and their legs tangled, while Beca's mind is beginning to race. She'd never really thought too hard about approaching it from the internet scene - it always felt a little too much like the market was saturated with teenage girls playing guitar or pretty boy-Justin-Bieber types. She'd never stand out, she's always thought. But Chloe's got her thinking - is there any harm in it? She doesn't know what could happen, and it seems silly to cut herself off from something that could potentially be good for her without even trying it first.

'I think I might upload the mix I made for finals last year,' Beca says suddenly, a long time later. Night is beginning to fall properly and Chloe's room is starting to get dark enough that she can't see Chloe all that well anymore. 'I know it's not one of my best ones, but I think the mix of the popular songs might attract more attention than some of my other stuff, and maybe then I can think about putting up my other stuff. Do you have any suggestions, Chlo?' No answer. 'Chlo?'

Beca becomes aware that Chloe's breathing has evened out completely: she's asleep. Beca smiles, turning her head just to watch the dimly light silohuette of her face for a while. Even though her girlfriend just fell asleep on her, she feels happy in a way she hasn't for what seems like a very long time. Another ten minutes pass where Beca just watches her, hearing her steady breaths and gentle snore. When Beca's arm starts to fall asleep and Beca's sure Chloe is unlikely to wake up again, she slowly disentangles herself from the other girl. She then slides out of the bed, collects her things, and leaves, shutting the door behind her as quietly as she can.

On her way down the steps of Chloe's apartment, she sends a text to Chloe for her to read when she wakes up.

_Hey - let myself out and locked the door (with that new key!), so dw. Thought I'd go home and work on a mix because I suddenly got an idea for one. Talk to you in the morning._

_P.S. You look cute when you're asleep. Consider me posting a photo of that on Facebook as revenge for telling Jesse. :)_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Decided to split this chapter into 2 parts because it was getting rather long. So this update is a little shorter. Will hopefully get the next bit up soon, but bear with me on that one.
> 
> Just want to say thanks for all the lovely comments you guys have left - sequels are more often miss than hit, and this one is quite a slow build kind of fic rather than jumping right into the action. So I appreciate all of you taking a chance on it, despite me potentially ruining your memories of YUM!
> 
> (also thanks to the amazing Dash and Selina. I have been a bad friend and forgotten to thank them for their help for several chapters... Oops).

 

Beca stiffens as she hears the noise once more, hand pausing in the middle of writing in the whiteboard. She cocks her head to the side slightly, straining her ears, thinking she's imagining it - but no, there it is again. Another giggle, and another whispered comment. Out of the corner of her eye, she can just about see the Bellas suppressing smirks, whispering amongst themselves; when she turns back around, they instantly adopt serious expressions and start nodding at the board as though they're paying attention.

She gazes at each of them in turn, seeing if any of them crack, but nothing happens.

'What's so funny?' she asks Amy in irritation, who also seems to be unable to keep a straight face.

'What do you mean?' is her innocent reply. Beca scowls and turns back to the board. They've  _still_  not completed their arrangement yet, and Regionals is getting ever closer. The Bellas seem content to sit back and watch Beca tear her hair out for the most part, since, in Stacie's words, 'You're the one that won last year, not us.' It's a pretty Stacie-type comment, but she can't help but assume it's a reflection of some kind of bitterness among the Bellas - maybe they're secretly resentful about her taking over last year? That seems unlikely, but it doesn't stop her feeling paranoid.

And it's especially difficult to ignore the paranoia creeping up on her today, when the Bellas continue to whisper and smile about  _something_. Does she have something on her face? Are they laughing at her inability to run the Bellas, her ideas? She has no idea. But the longer it goes on the worse she assumes. After the fifth time this happens, she finally loses her patience.

'Alright,' she snaps, whirling around. 'Does anyone wanna fill me in what's so hilarious yet?' She sees the girls glance at each other, exchanging looks she can't read. 'Do I have bird shit in my hair? Did I turn up in my underwear and I just haven't noticed?'

'No, nothing like that,' says Cynthia Rose.

'Is there a "laugh at me" sign on my back?' she asks, craning over her shoulder to try and see. As far as she can tell, there's nothing, but she hears Amy mumble, 'Getting warmer...'

Beca sighs, stomach twisting. 'You know what? I'm really too tired to deal with this. Can you guys just quiet down for a bit and, I dunno,  _actually_ help me out here?'

Stacie's straight face cracks first, and she giggles, 'Oh, I  _bet_ you're tired.' The other Bellas join in, although she notices Mollie looks confused, and Lauren is just bored. That settles it - it has to be an "Old Bellas" thing. Beca just stares at them all, trying to keep a neutral expression that doesn't betray how much being on display like this is getting to her.

Eventually, they seem to notice how pissed off she looks, and finally quieten down. Amy comes over and slings an arm around Beca's shoulders. She looks back at the Bellas, lips twitching, and then drops her voice to say, 'Umm, Beca... Look, we love you, but...'

Beca tries not to show any emotion outwardly, but inside she's suddenly sure that Amy's next words are going to be "But we don't want you to be Captain anymore", or something. She can't  _believe_  they're going to kick her out. After all that time and effort trying to make friends with them, and the drama they managed to get through last year - she thought they were over that now -

'... But isn't that  _Chloe's_ sweater you're wearing?'

It takes a moment for Amy's words to sink in, but when they do, Beca looks down in horror to see that they're right - this is the sweater Chloe was wearing yesterday. Several emotions hit her at once. Embarrassment is the primary one, because their guess is miles from the truth (Chloe's apartment was hot; they were wearing similar items of clothing; they took them off. They just must have gotten mixed up at some point). She's amazed she managed to get halfway through practice without even noticing. Beneath all that, though, Beca feels a strong sense of relief at the revelation that they're just being dorks again, not trying to kick her out.

God, she's an idiot.

Realising they're all watching her, Beca tries to own it. She puts her hands on her hips and lifts her chin, ignoring how her cheeks are flaming. 'Yep, it is. So what? We thought we'd get a headstart on the clichés.'

They crack up. 'Oh my God, that's adorable,' Stacie coos. 'You two are like, the cutest couple.'

'Is that like a thing for lesbians?' asks Amy. 'Sharing clothes? Maybe I should be a lezzer, might increase my wardrobe size.'

'You should,' says Cynthia Rose, wiggling her eyebrows. 'It's freaking awesome. If you want, I can show you.' Amy makes a disturbed face and the X sign with her fingers to ward back Cynthia Rose, who is winking and making lewd gestures at Amy.

'Is that what you were all giggling at?' When they nod, she rolls her eyes. 'Christ, am I that boring that you find  _that_ to be the highlight of your day?'

'We weren't laughing  _at_ you,' Stacie assures her. 'It's just adorable.'

'It's nice seeing you happy,' Cynthia Rose confirms.

'And getting some,' Amy adds.

It's an oddly touching statement, besides the "getting some" bit. 'Aww... Guys.' She sees Lauren screwing up her face in disgust to Mollie, whose eyes widen when she notices Beca is watching. 'Is there something wrong, Lauren?' she asks sharply, causing the girl to jump in surprise.

'N-no,' she mutters.

'Are you sure? Because it sure looked like it.' Amy nudges her in the side with her elbow. Beca realises she's making the others uncomfortable and forces herself to relax.

' _Anywho_ , if Beca is done trying to be threatening -' Beca scowls at Amy when she says this - 'I think that'll do for the day. Class dismissed!' The Bellas exchange puzzled looks, but Amy flaps her hands at them. 'Go on, get going!'

She notices the others looking at the time on the way out with looks of confusion. Indeed, when Beca checks the time for herself, she discovers Amy dismissed them early. 'We had like fifteen minutes left!' Beca exclaims. 'Why'd you dismiss them?'

'Ah, not like we were getting anywhere anyway,' says Amy with a shrug. 'We were basically just watching you mutter at the board and laughing at your sweater.'

'But we still haven't finished the set!'

'Yeah we have,' points out Amy. 'We did that last Tuesday, remember?'

'No, we finished a first  _draft_  of the set list,' says Beca, her teeth gritted. 'It needs more work. It's not done yet.'

Amy groans. 'Bec- _a_ , we've revised it, like, ten times. I'm starting to have nightmares about it!'

'It's missing something, still. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm still not happy with it - but to be honest, it'd go a heck of lot quicker if you guys could  _actually_ help me.'

Amy blinks. As a rule, Amy is generally unflappable in the face of Beca's antics, but right now she looks annoyed. She puts her hand on her hip, gazing down at Beca. 'What are you on about? We offered suggestions, but you kept shooting them all down. After a while we figured it was easier just to let you handle it until you got all your perfectionism out of your system.'

'Perfectionism?' Beca splutters. 'I'm not a perfectionist!'

She rolls her eyes. 'Hmm, does this sound familiar to you? "I don't know, none of this is hitting the right mark for me. I'm thinking we should just scrap the whole thing and start from the beginning." Because it should. Because that was you, two weeks ago. After we'd spent  _three hours working on it._ ' Her meaningful, slightly crazed, stare bores into Beca's eyes. 'Jessica nearly cried. I had to stop Cynthia Rose from strangling you in your sleep.'

'... Oh.' Beca winces, replaying the last few weeks with the Bellas and realising Amy's right. 'Uh... I guess I have a habit of doing that.'

Amy laughs and fondly leans her forearm on Beca's shoulder with all her weight, making Beca's knees buckle slightly. 'Wow, you reallyare bad at this.'

'Sorry,' says Beca, embarrassed.

'No prob,' she replies easily. 'We know simple communication is a problem for you sometimes.'

'Watch it. I'm still the captain, even if I'm a shitty one.' Suddenly, Beca remembers something and slaps her forehead. 'Ugh - speaking of poor communication, I forgot to tell them about the Riff Off date changing to next week. We don't have practice until Tuesday, how am I going to let them know?'

'It's not that big a deal. Send them a text. Or use the Bellas Facebook group!' she suggests, face brightening.

'No,' says Beca flatly.

'Aw, why not? I made it for you.'

'I refuse to post on that site again after Jesse logged into my account and set my movie interests to a load of porn films.'

'You're no fun.'

'Tell you what,' says Beca eventually, seeing Amy's disappointed look, and wanting to make it up to her for being a complete shithead, 'why don't  _you_  handle getting that message out? You'd probably be better at that than me anyway.'

Amy's smile grows devious. 'Sure thing... C _ap'n_ ,' she replies, with a salute and a wink.

Beca suddenly gets the ominous feeling that granting Amy complete control over the message she sends out to the group  _might_ not be such a great idea.

* * *

**BELLAS DO THE RIFF-OFF**

**OCTOBER 12TH 10:30-11:30PM**

**THE QUAD NEAR THE BACK OF CAMPUS WITH THE WEIRD PHALLIC STATUE THING IN THE MIDDLE**

**FYI the riff-off will NOT be at the pool this year cause of some dick tricking a drunk freshman into diving into it last year.**

**Don't let the time above fool you, cause we Bellas are planning an OBLIGATORY (!) after party after our win - AT CHLOE'S APARTMENT (because she is a DOLL and kindly offered to put us up for the night). BYOB, BSFA (bring snacks for Amy, but no red vines plz because they fuck my stomach up).**

**And yes, Beca, this after party is OBLIGATORY. Hence the capitals for emphasis. OBLIGATORY.**

**See you all there darlings!**

* * *

Beca has to read the post several times before the full implications of Amy's short but unusually informative Facebook event sink in. A Riff-Off after party has apparently been organised by Amy, to be held at  _Chloe's_ apartment. When the hell did they organise that together? And why did Beca know nothing about it?

She was already on the way to Chloe's when she got notification of this event. Not that they'd organised anything in advance; Beca is intending to put her new key to good use and surprise her with a visit. She'd gone back and forth several times, wondering whether she would be imposing if she did so - but then again, Chloe obviously has time to be organising parties behind her back without even telling her, so she probably has time to spend with Beca one way or another.

She's not sure why it bothers her so much. Obviously Chloe is an honorary Bella, being an ex-captain and all - and Amy has just as much right to organise all kinds of events for the girls that she wants to. Heck, Beca  _told_ her to do it. But it just feels weird that the two of them are conspiring without her - and jeez,  _conspiring_? Behind her back? She sounds like a jealous asshole, not wanting her girlfriend to interact with other people besides her. Except... Even that doesn't sound quite right. Beca's not jealous of Chloe and Amy organising things together. She's just upset that she had nothing to do with it.

'Chlo, you -' But Beca trails off quickly when she realises Chloe is, in fact, not alone. And for a moment, her stomach lurches, and mind runs away with all sorts of paranoid possibilities. Thankfully, however, it only lasts for that one moment. The phantom girl or guy she had been imagining disappears when she realises Chloe is just talking to Aubrey - on Skype, for that matter.

Neither of them have noticed her, so she stands there watching them for a few moments. The ensuing conversation does little to assuage her growing insecurities.

'So you  _haven't_ told her yet?' Aubrey's asking, a hint of scorn in her voice.

'No... I'm afraid she's going to get mad. Don't look at me like that, Bree. I don't think she'd approve.'

'I'm not sure  _I_ approve either! Chloe, you shouldn't really keep this a secret from her. That's just a recipe for disaster.'

'Oh, like you're one to lecture me on relationships,' snaps Chloe, and there it is, the confirmation that they're talking about her that she'd been fearing. Beca's heard enough. Feeling sick, Beca slams the door shut. The sudden noise causes Chloe to jump violently, and Aubrey swears over the line. 'Oh, hi, baby!' says Chloe, her voice going a little high-pitched. 'H-how long have you been standing there?'

'Just got here,' Beca says slowly, setting her bag down and walking over to the couch. She keeps her gaze steadily on Chloe, raising an eyebrow slowly to make it perfectly clear that she overheard and knows Chloe is up to something. 'Everything okay?'

The smile Chloe gives her is nervous. 'Yeah, of course,' she says, grabbing Beca's wrist with clammy hands and tugging her over to sit down. 'How was Bellas practice?'

'Fine,' Beca replies shortly. She sees Chloe share a worried glance with Aubrey via the computer screen.

'Have you guys completed the set list?' Aubrey asks encouragingly.

'Nearly.'

To Chloe's credit, she's very good at taking Beca's monosyllabic answers and pretending they're having a full conversation. 'That's great!' she says, baring her teeth in a grin that almost looks real. 'You'd been worrying about it for ages.'

Well, if Chloe is going to pretend that nothing's wrong, then Beca might as well actually ask the question on her mind when she first came in here. 'Chloe, when exactly did you tell Amy you'd host this "Riff-Off after party" - which I hadn't heard  _anything_ about, by the way - at your apartment?'

Chloe looks somewhat relieved, which Beca takes to mean that she thinks  _that's_ why Beca is mad. 'Amy asked if I knew anywhere you could go, and I offered my place because I'll be working a late shift that day. And I just wanted to help out - I don't feel like I've been supporting you guys as much as I want to.' Chloe bites her lip. 'Should I not have done that?'

'I dunno,' replies Beca moodily. Another thing she hadn't known - Chloe obviously wouldn't be able to attend the Riff Off if she was working. 'Do what you want - it's your apartment. And I'm not even sure if I'm going to go, anyway.'

'You have to go,' Aubrey interjects; Beca had almost forgot she was there, as she was too busy watching Chloe with narrowed eyes. 'If it's a Bellas-specific event, it's unseemly for the captain to duck out. Why do you think I stayed for that awful sleepover we had last year?'

'Awful? You were having the time of your life,' says Chloe with a smirk. 'That is, until you ended up yelling at me because you thought I'd been dating Beca behind your back the whole time...'

Aubrey flushes slightly. 'I never claimed to be perfect,' she says, lifting her chin in a lofty manner. 'Besides, I had good reason to believe that was happening. Anyway! So - the Riff-Off, huh? How are the Bellas doing, Chloe? Do you think they'll pull it out the bag this year? Ignoring last year's mess with the rules, that is...'

'Of course! She and Amy are aca-awesome captains,' says Chloe, wrapping her arms around Beca from behind and giving her a sweet kiss on the cheek. Beca barely responds, which does not go unnoticed by Chloe or Aubrey. 'You should hear the new arrangements they've been working on.'

'Well, you can show me when I come to visit in two weeks,' says Aubrey. 'And they better be good, Mitchell - we need to keep up that winning streak this year.'

'We will,' Chloe assures her.

Okay, this has gone on long enough. Beca smiles falsely, breaking free of Chloe's embrace and leaning towards the laptop. 'This has been nice, Aubrey, but do you mind if I borrow my girlfriend for a bit? Thanks, see you next week,' she says, and promptly slams down the laptop lid.

Chloe's jaw drops. 'Beca! Why did you do that?' She starts to reach for the laptop again to open it back up, but Beca stops her.

'What were you and Aubrey talking about when I came in?' she asks bluntly.

Chloe winces. 'Oh... So you did hear, huh?'

'Yeah. I did,' Beca growls. 'So if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to know exactly what the hell you're keeping from me.' For a little while, Chloe doesn't answer - her mouth opens and shuts a few times, but for the most part she just sits there worrying her lip with her teeth. 'What happened to being honest with each other?'

'We are!' says Chloe. 'But...' Her voice grows small. 'I  _can't_ tell you.'

'What?' Beca exclaims. 'Why not?'

'I just  _can't_. It's kind of delicate at the moment. I don't want to ruin anything.'

'Oh, so I'd ruin it, would I?'

'No! That's not what I'm saying. Look, please just trust me,' Chloe pleads. 'I know it's hard, but please believe me when I say I really wouldn't be keeping this from you unless I thought it was a good reason.'

'But  _Aubrey_ knows.'

'Aubrey's my best friend.' At Beca's stony expression, Chloe grimaces. 'That was a bad choice of words - please don't be like that. All I mean is that Aubrey and I ... There's just some stuff I can tell her that I can't tell you, and vice versa. I bet there's stuff you've talked to Jesse about before telling me.'

'No,' replies Beca stubbornly, although she's already thinking back to that one conversation she had with Jesse a little while ago, about Luke's family. Chloe seems to read this in her face, nodding triumphantly.

'There, you see?' Beca looks away, but Chloe grabs her hand. ' _Please_ , Bec, I just need some time to think about this. I'm sorry I told Aubrey and not you, but she understands what I'm going through a bit more.' That stings - the reminder of all the things Beca has never had to cope with which Chloe has experience with.

Beca lifts her head, studying her face. It really isn't like Chloe to be so reticent; normally she's extremely open with Beca about her life. Whatever it is has to be big, so maybe she shouldn't blame Chloe for not wanting to involve Beca. She probably would just mess it up.

In the end, Beca says slowly, 'Just tell me this. Are you in trouble?'

'No.'

'Are you ill? Or is someone else in trouble or ill?'

'Um, no, I guess not.' When Beca frowns, Chloe amends it to, 'I mean, no, no one else is in trouble or ill.'

'... Okay,' Beca says reluctantly, in the end. 'I won't ask any more. But I'm not happy about it, so don't make this a habit.'

'I won't, I won't, I  _promise_. You're amazing, Beca. Thank you.' She attacks Beca's face with kisses before making straight for her lips. Whether she's trying to distract Beca or just show her appreciation, their conversation seems to have made Chloe rougher than usual; Beca feels fingers press into her jaw, directing her this way and that, and Chloe's tongue pushes its way into her mouth with little preamble.

It's a little overwhelming. And not in a particularly pleasant way.

'I love you,' Chloe murmurs - and okay, no, this has to stop. Beca pushes Chloe away by the shoulders, albeit gently. She looks ashamed when Beca does this. 'Sorry. I shouldn't have said that.'

Chloe's never apologised for saying she loves Beca before. She doesn't like it. 'No, you don't have to say sorry. I'm just...' Beca sighs, frustrated. 'I still  _can't,_ you know? But that's just one thing in a long list, I suppose...'

'It's okay.'

'Is it?' asks Beca dubiously.'

'Of course.'

'But don't you ever get tired of it? Of  _me?_ And be honest,' she adds, when it looks like Chloe might try and dismiss her again.

'No,' says Chloe, but this time, she's hesitating. 'I mean, some parts of it are more difficult to deal with - oh Beca, don't get mad, you said be honest,' says Chloe with a sigh, when Beca's face falls.

'I'm not mad,' she replies quickly. 'What is it that's difficult?'

'It's nothing big.'

'If it's bothering you, I want to know. Maybe I can work on it.'

'But it's really dumb. There's really no point in worrying about it.' Beca arches an eyebrow, and simply stares at Chloe until she buckles under the pressure of Beca's unimpressed gaze. 'Fine,' she blurts out, 'Sometimes... When I kiss you, and we end up having to stop...'

Beca doesn't think she likes where this is going. 'Uh, yes?'

'... I have to...  _C_ _ount_. In my head, I mean. There. Are you happy now?'

That was not what she was expecting. 'Count?' says Beca, surprised. 'Why the hell do you have to count?'

'Because...' Beca has never seem Chloe look so embarrassed, and wonders what it could possibly be to get to  _Chloe_ this much. 'I have to think of something else, or things get...' She makes a cute little noise, throwing her head back in frustration. 'Ugh! Or I won't be able to help myself, okay?'

Beca laughs, thinking she's joking - but then she sees Chloe shut her eyes. 'Oh my god. You're serious? What, it's that easy for you?'

'That's not what I meant!' Chloe says, shaking her head rapidly and groaning. 'I don't want to lose control around you, okay? And sometimes it's harder to keep a lid on things so I have to distract myself  _somehow_. But how well that works depends on how long I've been thinking about something that day... And how long it's been since I last - you know...' She ducks her head into Beca's neck in embarrassment. She can feel the heat of Chloe's cheeks radiating off her.

Beca snorts a little, even though her mind is currently running away with those images.  _'Seriously_?'

'Don't laugh,' Chloe whimpers.

'I'm not, I'm not. I'm just... Surprised? Then again, maybe I should've seen that coming from someone who told me what their "lady jam" was in only our second meeting.'

'It's not my fault,' Chloe protests. 'I have a high sex drive, okay? And I don't want to scare you off.'

That's true, actually; Beca hadn't really thought about it at length before, but Chloe definitely is much quicker to get turned on than Beca is. It's never really occurred to her how much of an issue that is, compared to her general reticence. She asks slowly, 'Does it bother you that I can't -'

'No, of course it doesn't,' Chloe interrupts, apparently anticipating what Beca is about to ask. However, Beca can sense that she's still hesitating.

'What are you not saying?' Her stomach twists in worry. 'Hey, don't keep stuff from me again.'

'I'm not, Beca.'

'You are. You have that look on your face... There's something you're not telling me.'

Surprisingly, Chloe puts up no further fight than that, perhaps knowing Beca would hound her until she knew what it was either way. 'Look, it's not that it  _bothers_  me, per se - because it doesn't -'

'Here we go.'

'Let me talk, okay? It  _doesn't_ bother me that you aren't ready for sex. Honestly. But - sometimes, I feel... I wish I was ...' She mumbles the word, averting her eyes. Beca tilts her head in confusion, not having heard. Chloe screws up her face and finally says, louder, 'I wish I was irresistable to you.'

Silence falls, and any levity that had been briefly built up from Chloe's little counting issue dissipates completely. Beca sits back, her brow knitting; she clears her throat. 'Chloe...'

'Sorry,' says Chloe, paling. 'Maybe I shouldn't have said that.'

'N-no, probably not.' Beca responds, pushing her hair back from her face with suddenly jittery hands.

'I'm really sorry.'

'I don't even know what to say to that.'

'Just forget I said it,' Chloe pleads. 'It was a dumb, stupid thing to say. I'm sorry.'

'I don't know how to forget it,' mumbles Beca. 'You know this is hard for me, don't you? I can't just -' She breaks off, not knowing the words to communicate the tangle of thoughts Chloe's statement has brought with it: Chloe  _is_ irresistable, but then again she obviously isn't if Beca  _can_ resist her - but then she  _has_ to resist Chloe or she knows everything's going to get fucked up again like last time, and just the thought of that makes her insides squeeze in terror -

Chloe's cold fingers on her cheek pull her back to the present moment.

'I know. I know. I'm so sorry, baby - I was being selfish,' Chloe says, looking as worried as Beca feels right now. 'Honestly, let's just forget about it.'

She kisses Beca again, then, as though trying to  _make_ her forget it. And even though Beca tries to kiss her back, to distract herself, it doesn't work: she can still feel the thoughts creeping in at the edges of her consciousness.

And they keep repeating in the back Beca's head - a constant buzz, like a wasp in her ear - even hours later, when she's excused herself from Chloe's apartment and is walking home. They're still there, when she's lying in bed listening to Cynthia Rose snore, mechanically replying to Chloe's texts asking if she's okay.

She isn't. And yet, it's so stupid how this one off-the-wall comment from Chloe seems to have gotten stuck in her brain and dislodged a whole other load of issues with it. She's overreacting, she knows that. She knows she just needs to get over it and grow the hell up. However, no matter how much she tells herself that, how firmly she berates herself for being such an idiot, she just  _can't_ snap out of it. She can't stop thinking.

 _Chloe thinks you don't want her. She thinks you not being able to have sex with her means you don't love her. Your stupidity is making_ her _insecure. How could you fuck this up? The_ one _good thing in your life. You're a fucking mess._

_How could you ever think you deserved her?_


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Deary me, sorry about the wait. It got to the length where I figured it was easier just to post it as the next chapter instead.
> 
> Thanks to Dash for reading this one and helping me out with the transitions :)

The Riff Off sneaks ever closer, and in the meantime, Beca and Chloe simply don't bring up that night again. True to Chloe's word, she seems to have forgotten about it, or considered it worthy of forgetting. Likewise, Beca doesn't interrogate Chloe on what it was she and Aubrey talked about behind her back, despite interrupting one or two more whispered Skype sessions between the two of them. On both occasions, Chloe looks guilty but relieved when Beca does nothing more than give Aubrey a stiff wave as she goes off to the bedroom to wait. Chloe comes in herself a few minutes later, a murmured, ' _I'm so sorry'_ on her lips while she plants a kiss on Beca's forehead.

All Beca can think is that she wishes Chloe would at least  _text_ Aubrey instead, so it wouldn't be constantly shoved in her face that Chloe doesn't trust her.

It sours things. How could it not? Every time she looks at Chloe the thoughts start again: useless worries about whether she's not good enough, about whether Chloe is simply stringing her along for fun somehow. She begins see-sawing back and forth between wanting to put Chloe at a distance, just in case, and then realising she's being an idiot and trying to pull Chloe closer again. Because Chloe has suddenly been working a lot more shifts recently, this mostly amounts to whether she'll wait two hours to reply to Chloe's texts, or two seconds.

Thus far, however, Chloe doesn't seem to have noticed anything is wrong. Or at least, she hasn't said anything about it. Beca isn't sure which is worse.

'Do you think we're okay?' Beca blurts out one day. It's the evening of the Riff Off. Beca hadn't intended to come over - she had been in one of her "distance" phases - but Chloe had sent her a text that morning pleading her to come over and help her sort out the apartment in preparation for the Riff-Off later. Turns out she has a real problem saying no to Chloe sometimes.

Although Beca is  _meant_  to be helping Chloe clean, according to Chloe she is apparently doing it all wrong. How the hell can you dust wrong, is Beca's argument, but Chloe won't have it. In the end, Beca is banished to the couch, watching Chloe frantically try to get dressed and dust the spots Beca failed at doing at the same time.

'What?' says Chloe, now distracted by the water marks on her coffee table. 'Of course I'm okay. God, why don't I ever use coasters? Bree would kill me if she saw the apartment in this state.'

'No, I wasn't asking about you... Well, actually I suppose the question applies to you too. But I was talking about us.'

Chloe gets down on her knees for a better angle, tongue between her teeth while she rubs. 'What do you mean?'

'Exactly that,' says Beca. 'Are  _we_ okay? As in, our relationship?'

Chloe looks up, meeting Beca's eyes for a moment. 'Yeah. Of course we are,' is her response, coupled with a bracing smile. She gives the water mark another futile scrub and grunts in frustration when nothing changes. 'You know what, I give up. The Bellas will just have to see the squalor I live in.' Chloe heads off into the bedroom, grabbing her bag and starting to put on her shoes. Beca, not particularly comforted by this entire exchange, follows.

'It's hardly "squalor" - the place looks like a fucking palace. You even cleaned the  _top_  of your wardrobe.' Beca points to the object in question, which is practically glowing from the attention it's received today. Lucky bastard. 'Who the hell  _does_  that?'

'Clean people,' replies Chloe wryly, leaning in to kiss Beca on the cheek. 'I have to go soon.'

'Already?'

Chloe notices Beca's expression. 'I know, it's a pain. I'm sorry; I'll try and make time so we can do something together properly soon, okay?'

'You seem to have plenty of time to talk to Aubrey.' The bitchy comment spills from her lips far too easily; she regrets it immediately when Chloe's face falls.  _Why_ does she keep doing that?

A beat passes, and then Chloe's shoulders slump. 'Well, I guess I deserve that,' Chloe says weakly, 'And I guess that's my cue to leave. See you later, Bec. Enjoy the party.'

As Chloe turns around and makes towards the door, Beca says, 'Chloe, wait.' She stops, turning back around, biting her lower lip.  _'_ I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It was uncalled for.'

'It's fine.'

'Is it?'

'I suppose?' Chloe shrugs. 'I'm pretty aware that you tend to lash out when you're upset. And I guess I've been upsetting you a lot lately, one way or the other... So...'

'That's no excuse, though. I'm just being such a dick, and I -  _argh_.' Her thoughts are getting away from her. Beca closes her eyes for a moment, pressing her fingers in her temples. 'Look. Are we okay? Should I be worried? I don't know. I have no damn clue how these things work.' Chloe looks rather puzzled, so Beca says, as clearly as she can, 'Am I ruining this already?'

'Beca -'

'I'd just rather things didn't end up like last year, you know. With me fucking everything up, the arguments and you hating my guts for a while...' She means it to sound joking but she just sounds afraid, and her tongue trips over the last few words. Chloe steps closer and puts her hands on Beca's shoulders. She meets her gaze directly.

'Beca, we're  _fine_ ,' says Chloe firmly. 'Stop worrying.'

'I'm not,' she protests. 'I'm hoping I don't have anything to worry about. That's all.'

'You're pre-worrying, then, which is equally silly.' Chloe slides her hands up from Beca's shoulders to cup her face gently. 'Look, we're not going to end up like last year. Things are different now.  _We're_ different now.'

'Are we, though? Because I still feel like the same asshole I've always been.'

'Trust me, you've changed. For the better, or at least I think so.' She kisses Beca on the nose. 'I know things have been a bit harder than usual lately, but that doesn't mean everything's going to fall apart. It doesn't mean anything's wrong with us. It just means we're living our lives  _together_ now. And sometimes, life is difficult - '

'"But that's okay" is what you're going to say next, isn't it,' interrupts Beca. 'I swear, I know how your little pep talks go far too well now.'

'Good. Maybe eventually you'll start believing it without me having to say it.'

'I really doubt it.'

'I don't,' says Chloe gently.

After a moment's hesitation, Beca initiates a rather clumsy hug; Chloe readily wraps her arms around Beca, repositioning them into something slightly more comfy. She catches a whiff of Chloe's perfume, which used to be so overpowering but now has become a weird source of comfort in its own right. She feels Chloe nuzzle her temple gently, one hand passing down her back.

It's so weird to Beca how easy it is to just  _be_  when they're standing there, together like this; just existing in this little bubble together. They stay like that for several minutes, without incident, besides Beca's heartrate gradually slowing down.

'Okay?' asks Chloe lowly. Beca is aware the clock is ticking, and that Chloe's pushing her comfort zone on punctuality. But she's grateful that she's staying anyway, for Beca. She nods. 'Alright.' Chloe pulls back, giving Beca a smile and a kiss. 'I love you. Don't forget that.'

Suddenly, the desire to reply back in kind - to say "I love you" - emerges in Beca's brain so quickly and even starts to form on her lips before she catches herself. It startles her - startles her enough to jerk out of Chloe's arms and take a step back, as though to distance herself from the thought. Immediately Beca wishes she hadn't moved, because it just feels so cold now.

Chloe's watching her, as though she knows what just happened. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, I - I just saw the time,' Beca fibs. Her heart has gone back to slamming into her ribcage. 'You better go.'

* * *

'I still don't really know what's going on, or what this even is,' Mollie complains to Beca several hours later. It took Beca at least an hour to calm down after Chloe left; now they're waiting in the quad, by the unusually phallic statue Amy had helpfully pointed out in her Facebook event description. She still feels jittery, but a little more normal now she's out and with her friends. 'I tried to get Amy to explain it to me, but I ended up getting  _more_ confused.'

That sounds like Amy. 'It's not that hard to pick up. Probably best just to watch us for a bit,' Beca replies. She spots Stacie taking her phone out and switching the video camera feature on. 'Stacie, are you filming this?'

'Yup. Chloe paid me five bucks to do it since she can't come.' Stacie winks. 'And a few extra if I get a close up on you if and when you start rapping.'

Beca ignores her face heating up (seriously, she needs to work on not getting embarrassed all the time) and Mollie's slight titter at her elbow, pushing her way to the front of the group. Jesse has taken his place next to Donald; his face lights up when he sees her. Jesse shouts, 'You're going down, Mitchell!'

Beca feels someone jab her in the back. It's Mollie, who has apparently followed Beca up to the front. 'Who's that?'

'Jesse. One of the captains of the Treblemakers,' Beca says, watching as Jesse begin beating his chest and yelling like a gorilla. 'And also one of my best friends. Although... Sometimes, I really wonder why that is.'

'Yeah, I know that feeling.' Beca glances back at Mollie with an arched eyebrow. However, she simply stares straight ahead, either not noticing or deliberately not meeting Beca's gaze. She's not sure which one it is.

Cynthia Rose, overhearing this conversation, wrinkles her nose. 'No offence, B, but I've really never liked Jesse.'

Beca laughs. 'Why not?'

'I dunno.' She scrutinises him from afar. 'His face is just too symmetrical, you know? You just can't trust guys with faces that are too symmetrical.'

'Didn't know you had much opinion on guys.'

'True,' Cynthia Rose concedes.

Suddenly, Mollie jabs Beca with her elbow. 'Beca, why're those guys wearing capes?'

When Beca looks around again - hoping she doesn't mean any of the Trebles - she sees what Mollie is talking about. Justin is standing next to a smaller, younger boy; both are wearing capes, although the one the younger boy is wearing looks far too big for him.

Beca can guess what's about to happen. 'Seriously?' she groans.

Justin walks forward and clears his throat importantly, drawing the attention from the surrounding crowd. The talking gradually dies away as everyone begins to wonder what the hell he's doing.

'As you all know, I'm now a senior, which means I'll be leaving you guys next year.' Justin pauses here, as if waiting for the audience to make "aww" noises or something. When none come, he scowls and goes on, 'Anyway, because of that, I've had to pick my heir to take over for me next year - it's been a vigorous auditioning process, but I think I've finally chosen him.' Justin steps back a little. 'Say hi, William.'

'Hi -'

Justin steps back again. 'Anyway, welcome to this year's Riff Off! With your hosts, Justin and William!' He waits once more: a few scattered cheers go up, mostly from the High Notes. He shakes his head disapprovingly. 'Y'all disgust me. You know what, let's just get on with it already.' He lifts his virtual spinner and then says monotonously. 'And our first category is...'

'Can I try?'

Justin looks at William for a moment, studying him with narrowed eyes - William shrinks back under his gaze. But eventually he sighs. 'Sure. Have at it.' He then throws the gadget to William, who... promptly drops it.

He looks up in fear to see that Justin's face has gone stony.

'You're  _dead to me,'_ he hisses. 'Return your cape and go.'

'Acapella is  _so_  weird,' Mollie whispers, as a mortified William rips off his cape and disappears into the night, almost in tears. Beca nearly finds herself speaking in its defence before she realises what the hell she's saying; then, she just nods.

* * *

As it turns out, Mollie has absolutely no idea how weird acapella can be. Last year was fun, but everyone knew who was probably going to win until Beca pulled out "No Diggity". This year, with many of the smaller groups bolstered by the toppling of the Treblemaker crown, there's a new energy amongst them and a sense that each group wants to be the one to win this time. People are pulling out all the stops: synchronised dance moves, costumes (where the hell did those masks come from?) and someone from the High Notes is even dressed like Beca. It's a bit creepy.

Despite Chloe's wishes, and those of the Bellas, Beca does  _not_ rap this time (Stacie pointing the camera in her face every time it looks like she's about to sing is a bit off-putting). Nonetheless she's relieved to see the Bellas still work together the way they always did, even under her captaincy. They still have an almost unrealistic ability to put arrangements together on the fly, as though they'd been practising them for months in a studio with trained professionals. Uncanny.

However - and most worryingly - the Treblemakers are...  _good_. Really good. And it's not that she didn't know that already - obviously, considering they were the main rivals for the Bellas last year. But in the back of her mind, Beca had sort of thought that Jesse being the new captain meant they weren't actual competition anymore. Looking back, that was a rather short-sighted view to have on things, considering he wanted to make composing and arranging music his  _career_. They really needed to watch out for those guys.

In any case, despite the Trebles putting an aggressive and determined fight (as aggressive and determined as you can even  _be_ in acapella, anyway) the Bellas sneak into a win. But only just, and based on the same bullshit rule that caught them out last year. She almost feels guilty about it, especially when the Trebles start arguing with Justin to get him to reverse the verdict, but for all she knows this could be the only win they get with her as leader.

'Beca, why didn't you rap?!' Stacie whines, marching over to Beca as soon as they're finished. 'I need the extra money!'

'There wasn't anywhere I could've brought one in.'

'Are you kidding? We literally sang "Love the Way You Lie" for "Weird Rap Duets"!'

'Oops, sorry, must have a missed that. Will you give me a sec?' Beca has spotted Jesse trying to sneak past her by hiding behind Donald. 'Hey, Swanson!' she calls. 'What was that you were saying earlier?' She puts her finger to her chin. 'Something about the Bellas being pitch-slapped? But wait - I'm confused. Because it seemed like that was  _you guys_...'

'Yeah, yeah,' Jesse grumbles, crossing his arms. 'You only won on a technicality. I swear, Justin's getting more of a stick up his ass every year: "their" and "they're" sound the same, who cares if they're spelt differently?! It's acapella!'

'No worse than losing on "it's",' says Beca with a shrug. 'Tough luck, dude. Shame you guys suck.'

'Never mind. We'll get you back at Regionals.'

'Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you will.' It's a good thing he doesn't know how likely she thinks that really is. She goes on quickly, 'Anyway, speaking of us wiping the floor with you, we're celebrating at Chloe's. You want to come? As a consolation prize,' she teases. 'You can drink your sorrows away.'

'A party?' He doesn't even look like he's considering it. 'Ah - I might pass. Kinda tired, you know?'

'What are you, eighty years old? It's not even midnight.' Jesse shrugs. It doesn't take a genius to work out why he's being so weird about it. Irritated, Beca says, 'Chloe isn't actually there tonight. She's working. Now will you come?'

'What does Chloe working have to do with anything?' he replies. 'It's cool, Beca, you go ahead. I'm sure us Treblemakers are going to do something together anyway - like you said, drown our sorrows, blah blah blah.'

'You can do that with us,' Beca insists. 'C'mon, we've barely spent any time together lately.'

'I'd just be in the way.'

'No... You wouldn't.'

'Beca, we're leaving soon. You coming or what?' shouts Cynthia Rose.

'Be there in a sec!' Beca calls. She looks back at Jesse. 'Jesse... Please, don't be like this.'

His face is blank. 'Like what? It's cool, Beca - you should be with your group. We can hang out with another time, okay?' He gives her the most cheerful wave he can muster, and leaves before Beca can say another word; Cynthia Rose appears at Beca's shoulder a moment later.

'You okay?' she says, casting a suspicious eye at Jesse's retreating back.

'You ever had someone be crushing on you, but they make it feel like it's your problem all the time?'

Cynthia Rose snorts. 'You know, now I know the real reason I don't like that boy. Can't keep his dick in his pants.'

'He's not always that bad,' protests Beca. 'He's just kinda dumb when it comes to stuff like this. I don't think he can help it.'

'Sure, and I bet he makes that feel like your problem too.' When Beca has no response to that besides a few splutters, Cynthia Rose takes her arm gently. 'C'mon, B. Bellas are waiting.'

* * *

In celebration of their win at the Riff Off they congregate at Chloe's, as planned. Beca feels a little weird being in her girlfriend's apartment without said girlfriend being there too - and in fact, interacting with the Bellas at all like this without her around seems a little surreal. Hard to believe she went from being coerced by a naked ginger into joining, to the captain of this crazy bunch of aca-girls.  _Willingly._

For the time being, she's content to simply sit and watch them interact for the most part, listening in while they gossip about Amy's various on-going flings, with Stacie offering everyone very serious relationship advice. Mollie looks a little uncomfortable, squashed onto the couch between Lilly, Denise and Ashley, but smiles whenever Beca looks her way with an eyebrow raised.

The buzzer goes half an hour into it; the guy delivering pizza on the other end insists that they placed an order. Everyone blames Amy when about three rounds of large pizzas from a place in town arrive half an hour into it, but she denies any involvement ('Oh yeah, blame the fat girl for ordering a massive amount of food. Nice, guys.') The culprit is quickly been revealed to be Mollie when she jumps to her feet, pays, and returns a minute later with the pizzas.

'What?' says Mollie, blushing slightly under the weight of everyone's stunned gazes. 'I'm hungry, and you guys didn't seem like you were going to do anything any time soon.'

'Jeez, Mollie. Wasn't that expensive?' asks Beca.

She smiles. 'Employee discount. I work there.' Beca starts to protest, knowing even with an employee discount the price would probably still be high. However, she goes on (still pink in the face), 'Honestly, dont worry about it. I just really wanted to do something nice for the team.'

'Atta girl!' says Cynthia Rose admiringly, as she sets the pizza down. 'Say, Mollie, you dating anyone?'

Beca flicks her on the cheek, wondering if she should start using a spray bottle when Cynthia Rose gets like this. She mutters to her, 'Dude, you can't date someone just for the discounts.'

'Why not? It's great. I once went out with someone who worked at Victoria's Secret... Best time of my life,' she says wistfully.

Despite the tangent, Mollie still seems to want to answer Cynthia Rose's question. 'Um, no, Cynthia Rose. I'm single.'

'You're not dating Lauren?' Beca can't help blurting out, since it's something she's been wondering for a while; Mollie's eyes go wide.

'Ew, no!' she exclaims, looking aghast at the thought. 'No, we're not... Um, like  _that_.' It's an odd way to phrase it - Cynthia Rose and Beca exchange glances, something Mollie notices. She gets even more flustered. 'I mean - well, it's okay if you guys are, I suppose - I can't tell you how to live your lives after all, it's your choice -'

Everyone in the room winces; Lilly, who is closest, lays her hand over Mollie's mouth. 'Stop talking,' she murmurs.

'Did I offend you guys?' says Mollie, looking upset. 'I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to.'

Cynthia Rose shakes her head. 'Have you never met anyone that's gay before?'

'No, not really?' says Mollie. 'Except for Beca and Chloe.' Cynthia Rose coughs. Mollie looks blank, until Beca explains, 'Cynthia Rose is also gay. And Chloe is bi, while we're at it.'

Her expression clears. ' _Oh_. That explains a lot.' She appears to consider this for a moment. 'How are there so many of you in one group?'

'Think about this carefully, Mollie,' says Beca. ' _All-girl's_ acapella group. Heck,  _I_  only ended up auditioning because Chloe jumped me in the shower.' Mollie looks mildly alarmed by this story, so Beca decides not to go into any more details, despite Cynthia Rose jabbing her in the side and asking for exactly that.

'Speaking of which, how  _are_ you and Chloe doing?' asks Stacie, helping herself to pizza. She hands some to Cynthia Rose, who grins shyly in response (Beca rolls her eyes at this interaction and grabs some for herself just to make a point). 'Share any more clothes lately?'

'Beca's hardly ever in her room; she's always at Chloe's,' pipes up Cynthia Rose. 'I'm not even sure I have a roommate now.'

'Oh, shut up,' replies Beca. 'That's only because  _you're_ always bringing people back to the room. It's the only place I can get some peace.'

Cynthia Rose laughs. 'Like I said before, you could always bring Chloe back too. The more the merrier, right?'

'You're a fucking pervert, dude,' she says, throwing a piece of pepperoni at Cynthia Rose - who manages to catch it in her mouth. The Bellas gasp and applaud; she bows solemnly while she chews, saying, 'Thank you, thank you.'

'Why couldn't Red make it to our little shindig, anyway?' asks Amy.

'Working late.'

'Lame,' she complains. 'But it was cool of her to let us stay here.'

'Right? But I think I should probably tell you that if there's any mess, you'll  _all_ be cleaning it up. And extra cardio during tomorrow's practice!' she says, imitating Aubrey's voice.

'You don't actually make us do cardio,' Cynthia Rose points out.

'Well, maybe I'll start if there's any mess,' says Beca with a meaningful raise of her eyebrows. 'Trust me, you're getting the easy end of the deal. Chloe would kick my ass if I left this place messy.'

'Whipped,' coughs Amy into her fist.

'I am not  _whipped_.'

'Mm, you kinda are, B,' says Cynthia Rose, holding her index finger and thumb up and inch apart. 'But don't get upset about it. It's a good thing.'

'It's adorable,' Stacie adds. She puffs out her chest. 'And I'd just like to say, I take  _full_ credit for them getting together in the first place.'

They all stare at Stacie, Beca included. 'You? Why?'

'Remember that time in the pantry?' says Stacie. 'You totally only got together after that.'

'Stacie, if anything you made it  _worse_ ,' says Beca incredulously. 'Chloe thought I was making out with you.'

'Wait, what?' says Cynthia Rose, her eyes widening. 'Did I miss something here?'

'Ah, but you fixed it eventually, right? So no harm done. I consider myself an important part of your story.'

'Remind me why the hell I'm friends with you girls?' She shakes her head and stands up. 'Gotta pee.'

As she leaves the room, she hears Cynthia Rose say, 'Seriously, what was that about you and Beca making out?'

* * *

Alone in the bathroom, Beca allows herself a few moments to breathe and check her phone, which has a few unread texts from Chloe in the last hour or so. She'd been wary of replying to them while the girls were watching in case one of them stole her phone. It can be a bit hit or miss whether Chloe's texts are safe for her to read around other people or not - and not just because she has a tendency to say  _exactly_ what's on her mind - because sometimes she just comes out with the most vomit-inducing, cutesy stuff, sometimes. Vomit-inducing for anyone else, that is. Beca secretly eats the whole thing up. And Chloe knows it.

And today, despite her little freak out earlier, she almost finds herself craving it. Chloe does not disappoint.

The latest text reads:  _ **Heard you won the Riff Off! YOU'RE AMAZING!**_ _ **Hope you're doing okay over there. Text me when you remember me for a moment, you social butterfly xx**_

She replies,  _ **Oh hey, Chloe. I'd almost forgotten about you. Yeah, we kinda won on a technicality... But then again so did the Trebles last year, so whatever. I think we're even now.**_

Surprisingly, it doesn't take long for a response from Chloe to arrive.

_**Oh thanks, glad you finally decided to grace my presence with your texts :) how's the party?** _

_**Alright. Lots of talk about me being whipped, as per usual.** _

_**Awww baby. They're not wrong though, you are extremely whipped. I even got you to help me clean today :) Until I realised how bad you are at it.** _

Beca snorts.  _ **Yeah yeah, w/e. :P How's work?**_

 _ **dead. Like, completely dead. Hence me texting.**_ Before Beca can reply, Chloe quickly sends another message:  _ **I miss you.**_

_**I miss you too.** _

_**I really wish I was there.** _

_**I know. Me too.** _

_**I wish I was kissing you.** _

Beca swallows as her stomach jolts, inwardly rolling her eyes at not seeing where Chloe was going with that line of conversation. It's so like Chloe to catch her off guard like that. Another texs comes from Chloe:  _ **Did I scare you off? Sorry, it was just something I was thinking.**_

_**Nono i'm here. I'd like that too I guess. But... as much I'd love to talk about that with you rn, I'm in the bathroom. I better go back to the party or they'll think I'm pooping... Or texting you...** _

_**Which is worse?! See you soon Bec xx** _

After returning from the bathroom (after taking a few cooling breaths to calm herself down after Chloe's text), Beca does a quick look around to make sure nothing in the room has been destroyed. She's relieved to see that there isn't, and that the usually boisterous Bellas seem to just be content to enjoy each other's company for once. There hasn't even been any mention of alcohol, despite Amy saying this party was BYOB.

Beca spots Mollie chatting away to Ashley and Denise, occasionally interrupted by a muttered comment from Lilly - and as she does so, it suddenly occurs to Beca that she hasn't seen any sign of Lauren. They look up when Beca approaches them, hands in her pockets. Mollie smiles at her hesitantly.

'Hey,' she greets them, receiving the same back. 'Mollie, where's Lauren?'

'Oh - yeah, she didn't want to come,' says Mollie, with a rueful roll of her eyes. 'I tried to convince her, but I guess stuff like this isn't really her thing.'

'Was she at the Riff-Off?' Beca screws her face up, trying to remember, but at this point all she remembers of the Riff-Off is Jesse singing Blurred Lines for the category 'Sleazy Pop Songs'.

'She was, but she didn't really get too involved, even though I think she was sort of enjoying it.' Mollie shrugs at the expression on Beca's face. 'That's Lauren.'

'Why'd she join the Bellas if she isn't going to bother to join in?' asks Beca, genuinely curious.

'Oh...' Mollie shuffles her feet slightly, looking embarrassed. 'I made her join with me. We went to the same high school, and I thought it'd be nice to be in a club together so I'd have a familiar face there with me. But apparently she doesn't agree...'

'She sounds like a lovely friend,' Beca says sarcastically, but Mollie shakes her head.

'There's really nothing wrong with her. I mean, she's quite loyal, and pretty protective of me sometimes. But she's just a bit - prickly, I suppose.'

'So is a cactus, but at least they have some redeeming qualities.' Denise and Ashley both look away and smother their guilty laughs, but Beca feels bad when Mollie's face falls and she directs her gaze towards her lap. Beca says quickly, 'Still, at least you seem to be getting on alright with the other Bellas. When Cynthia Rose starts hitting on you a lot, then you know you're  _really_ part of the group.'

'Hey! I heard that!'

'Good, you were meant to!' Beca calls back.

Lilly whispers something. 'What?' says Ashley, the only one who noticed Lilly had tried to say something.

'She said, "We should do a blood initiation rite **"** ,' says Mollie, wrinkling her nose. 'Lilly, you have a very odd sense of humour.'

The other Bellas look confused, even Lilly. 'You can understand her?' says Beca.

'You guys can't? But she's always muttering stuff under her breath about -' Lilly glares at Mollie and draws her hand across her throat; Mollie pales, shrinking back.

Beca rolls her eyes. 'Lilly, stop trying to freak Mollie out.' Lilly huffs, but obediently crosses her arms and sits back at her chair. She notices Mollie slowly trying to shuffle away from Lilly surreptitiously.

Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. 'Who's that? Did you order more pizza?'

'No. Ooh, it could be Lauren,' says Mollie, brightening. 'Maybe she changed her mind? Or... maybe not?' she adds in disappointment, when no one looks particularly enthused at this prospect.

'Well, who else could it be?'

'Maybe a neighbour? No one buzzed, so it's gotta be someone in the building.'

'Shit,' says Amy, jumping to her feet and rushing to the kitchen. 'Hide the booze!'

'What about Chloe?' suggests Cynthia Rose.

'No,' Beca interjects, reaching for her long forgotten drink, 'it can't be, at least not yet. She's working right now.'

Stacie shrugs and gets to her feet. 'You know it'd be easier to just open the door, guys?' They all watch nervously as Stacie goes out into the hallway; there's the sound of the door opening, then she shouts, 'Chloe! It is you!'

Beca chokes on her drink, managing to spill a sizeable amount of it down her front at hearing Stacie shout her girlfriend's name. She's just desperately trying to wipe down her shirt when Chloe and Stacie return, and their eyes meet for just a second. Chloe grins at her briefly before turning back to the other Bellas who have all excitedly jumped to their feet and crowded around her. She stays sitting, waiting her turn while Chloe does the "perfect host" thing.

'Hi guys!' She goes around hugging all the Bellas, even Mollie, chatting exuberantly to each of them and asking them how they're doing, what's going on in their lives, and probably even how their parents are. She explains that she didn't use her key because she wanted to make a dramatic entrance, which is so very Chloe.

It takes her a good ten minutes for her to get to Beca, but by the time she approaches the couch she's sitting on, she finds a weird kind of anticipatory excitement in the pit of her stomach. Never mind that she saw her earlier and has been texting her since.

Chloe stops in front of her. 'Hey you,' says Chloe, smiling and twirling a strand of her hair around her finger in such a weirdly provocative way that Beca feels her heart flutter a little.

'Hi,' she replies, ignoring how she can hear the other Bellas giggling to themselves at this display. 'You good?'

'Much better now I'm here.' Chloe bends at the waist, pushing Beca's hair back from her face and giving her a sweet kiss on the lips. It only lasts a few seconds but Beca still finds herself blushing furiously when Chloe eventually pulls back with a content smile. 'Missed you,' she whispers.

'You too,' Beca mumbles. She tugs Chloe down next to her, hiding from the Bellas' chortles by burying her face in Chloe's shoulder. Someone she strongly suspects is Amy - who scuttled back from the kitchen once she realised it was Chloe - makes a whipcrack noise.

'Aw, stop making fun of her, guys,' Chloe admonishes them. 'Beca can't help being absolutely adorable.'

'I'd just like you all to know that I officially hate everyone in this room,' says Beca.

'Even me?' says Chloe, pouting.

'Not yet.' She turns her back on the other girls, focusing solely on her girlfriend and not on the Bellas gossiping loudly about what positions Chloe or Beca would take in bed. 'What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were meant to have a long shift tonight?'

'I told you, it was dead. The manager just told me to go home in the end.'

'Probably a good thing you came back, Chloe. This one's been all mopey without you,' says Amy, pointing at Beca. 'Like literally crying her eyes out going "Where is Chloe? I need Chloe!"'

'Yep, that's me,' Beca deadpans, pointing at her cheek. 'If you look closely you can see the tearmarks, riiiight here.' Chloe giggles and kisses just below her eye, which has the desired effect of making her squirm like an idiot and the others hoot with laughter. 'Jesus, guys, get your own relationship!' she says peevishly. 'You really gotta get a life of your own. You're too invested in mine.'

'We just like seeing you get wound up about it, to be honest,' admits Amy. 'It's pretty funny.'

'Bleh. You guys suck.'

Chloe wraps her arms around her, cradling Beca's head against her collarbone. 'Leave my Beca alone!' she shouts.

'I kinda hate you as well, now,' says Beca, voice muffled in Chloe's chest. But it's hard to keep that up when Chloe kisses her apologetically and takes her hand, and then, effortlessly, engages the other Bellas in conversation. Any attempts to bring the conversation back to Beca and Chloe are quickly evaded, a skill Beca can only marvel at. Soon the attention is definitively away from the two of them - where it should be - and Beca takes the time to study Chloe without anyone judging her.

She's looking a little on the pale side, and there are noticeable bags under her eyes, but at least she looks reasonably happy to be here and interacting with the others. Still, it doesn't stop Beca leaning towards her and asking in a low voice once there's a lull in the conversation, 'Are you okay? You look exhausted.'

Chloe turns towards her, her smile instantly lighting up her face and subduing some of the visible effects of her tiredness. 'Yeah, I'm fine,' Chloe answers.

'Are you sure? I can get rid of them and you can go to bed if you want.'

'No, I don't want to ruin their fun.' Chloe draws her legs up on the couch with her and lays down. She pushes Beca's legs into the position she wants, then promptly flops her head down into her lap and nuzzles her thigh. 'I am going to do this, though, if you don't mind.'

'Uh, no.' She looks up to see the reactions of the others, but thankfully they've finally found a more interesting topic of conversation than what Chloe and Beca are up to - Regionals. Hesitantly she puts a hand to Chloe's head, gently scratching her nails over her scalp; she sees Chloe sigh and wiggle to get comfier.

'You're amazing,' Chloe says in an undertone. 'I love you.'

Beca's mouth goes dry, remembering earlier. She tries not to tense up too much or Chloe will know; she lets out a long breath. 'Yeah,' is all she can reply with, but she seeks out Chloe's hand with the one not in her hair and squeezes it tight, before absorbing herself back in the conversation about their set. Which isn't so she can distract herself -  _obviously._ It's just that she's the captain, so really she should be part of this discussion, especially since she'd been so insistent about needing their help the other day.

Right.

'I was thinking, what do you guys say to adding "Run the World" to our set?' she asks - it's been on her mind for a while. 'I know I said the arrangement was finished, but it'd be a pretty killer addition.'

The Bellas look at each other. Cynthia Rose says, 'Don't we already have like five different songs?'

'Yeah, but this one could really pull the whole thing together.'

'Do we really need anything else?' asks Stacie doubtfully. 'I thought what we have already was fine.'

'All those in favour of not adding another song?' says Cynthia Rose. Most of the girls raise their hands, except for Lilly, who murmurs something (translated by Mollie as 'She doesn't believe in democracy').Mollie herself seems to be dithering between the two. When Cynthia Rose looks at her pointedly, she hesitantly raises her hand. 'See? Just chill out, B,' says Cynthia Rose. 'It's just Regionals and our arrangement is already awesome. We can win it with our eyes closed; save all the big guns for later.'

Beca sits back reluctantly, shutting her mouth. But then she remembers she has someone on her side that might be able to vouch for this song to be added. 'Chloe? What do you think about all this?' She pokes Chloe in the back. She doesn't reply. However, Beca soon sees why when she leans forward to look at Chloe's face: she's asleep. Apparently she was more tired than she let on.

'Aww, Red's all tuckered out **,'** says Amy, noticing this.

'Should I take her to bed?' They all titter; Beca rolls her eyes. 'You know what I mean.'

The girls exchange a look. Amy says, 'Nah, don't wake her up - just stay there. We can be quiet.'

'You sure?'

They nod, and within seconds are back into a spirited yet whispered conversation about the benefits of waffles over pancakes. She tries to listen for a bit, but Beca soon finds herself drifting off, feeling happy with the direction things are heading for once in her life.

And sure, in the morning she and Chloe will wake up with dicks drawn on their faces and she'll end up chasing them around the apartment screaming her head off, while Chloe looks on in bleary, half-asleep confusion. But for now, it feels pretty good to have friends around her, and the gentle weight of Chloe's hands clasped in hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (all the scenes with Bellas level off after this, promise)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Agh. Guys, I'm so sorry this took so long to get up. Suffice to say the last three weeks or so have been a mess on my end - more illness (third time this semester), other health scares (which nothing came of thankfully), uni stuff, blah blah. It was a bit of struggle to get this chapter done, but it's here now. I really wanted to get it up, mostly so I could explain what's been going on.
> 
> Also on that note... I hate to do this on the back of an apology about being late, but I think it might be necessary for me to take a semi-hiatus, or at least abandon any high-faluting wishes about posting every week. I'm running out of buffer and we're starting to get into the real thick of the plot so I need some time to make sure the most difficult bits coming later are written properly and not rushed. So for a bit I'll probably focus on doing that and my buffer, and if I can post a chapter soon I will. But don't worry, I am NOT abandoning this fic, merely trying to balance my determination to finish it with, you know, not killing myself at the same time.
> 
> Thanks for your understanding guys!

_**Can I see you today? I want to show you something** _

_**Sorry, Beca... I'd love to, but I'm working :( x** _

_**Again?** _

_**Yep, that's kind of what you have to do with a job x** _

_**But you've been working every day this week. I thought today was your day off?** _

_**I had to swap some shifts around to get this weekend off since Aubrey's coming. It's only temporary, baby, I'm sorry - I'll try and clear some time for you, I promise x** _

_**Will you, though?** _

_**:/ What's that supposed to mean? Of course I will.** _

_**Nothing, never mind. See you when I see you, I guess.** _

With a resigned sigh, Beca throws her phone back onto her bed and leans back in her desk chair. She really wanted Chloe to see this, but it looks like she will have to wait.

It took a while for the files to upload, being quite heavy sound files being uploaded on a less-than-brilliant internet connection, but now it's done. For the first time, she's looking at an upload on Youtube and Soundcloud - made by  _her_. She'd picked some random photoherself looking moody (or soulful, in her eyes) and added a grayscale filter in Photoshop to serve as the video's backgrund, something Chloe would no doubt find amusing.

There are no views yet, of course, but maybe some day there will be.

Once it was done she had sent texts to Jesse and Luke (who replied with similar messages of enthusiasm and congratulations). She even contemplated posting a link to it on Facebook for her friends to see - but first she wants to show Chloe. In person. She wants to see Chloe's eyes light up in excitement when she takes it in; to tell her she's proud of Beca; to hug her and say this is a great step forward in her career.

Vaguely, she wonders when they became such a co-dependent couple that she can't even manage to do something for her own career without Chloe's input. Is that healthy? Maybe not. Beca isn't even sure that she cares.

Besides, it's normal to miss your girlfriend when you suddenly go from seeing and talking to them almost every day to them suddenly being AWOL half the week, isn't it? It's not at all weird to wish they were around to share things with, especially big events in your life.

Is it normal to visit your girlfriend at her workplace when you haven't seen her for days? Or would some people see that as being needy?

 _It's normal_ , Beca decides, mostly because that's why she's already putting her coat on and heading outside. Screw normalcy - she and Chloe were never an average couple anyway.

* * *

Chloe is indeed working when Beca enters the shop, so at least she was telling the truth and not simply trying to get out of meeting with Beca. Then again, even if she was not working it rather looks as though Chloe ought to have been having a nap instead; even from her position at the door Beca can see the dark rings beneath Chloe's eyes that seem to be deepening every day.

All the same, she appears to be putting on a fairly convincing persona of cheerfulness for the customer she's serving now. Beca watches from out of sight as Chloe hands over the drink with a smile and a warm goodbye. Then, when the customer is gone, just for a moment she shuts her eyes and lets out an inaudible sigh. After a moment, however, it's gone, and she greets the next customer with no less cheerfulness.

Chloe's obviously made for retail, Beca thinks. She probably would have punched most of these customers by now if she'd been working here. She holds a silent prayer of thanks that she works down at the radio station, which seems like heaven compared to what Chloe has to do all day.

When finally Beca approaches the counter, it's with raised eyebrows since Chloe doesn't seem to have noticed her presence yet. 'What can I get you?' asks Chloe, not looking Beca's way for a moment because she's closing the cash register.

'A caramel macchiato,' answers Beca (it took her the whole morning to come up with this one), 'and your number,  _babe_.'

Chloe's head shoots up, offended - but then her eyes brighten up as soon as she sees who it is. She bursts out laughing. 'Beca! What're you doing here?!'

'I'm here for my caffeine, barista!' says Beca, snapping her fingers. She's grinning too; Chloe's laugh is infectious. 'Make it snappy.'

Chloe rolls her eyes. 'Very funny.'

'Seriously, though, I really need caffeine. Today feels like it's going on forever.'

'You and me both, Bec. Seeing your face has been the only good part about this day, ' says Chloe with a sigh. At Beca's look of concern, she shakes her head. 'I'll tell you about it later.' She glances back over her shoulder to the clock on the wall. 'Actually, I'm on break in twenty minutes - think you can wait til then for your caffeine addiction?'

'Wait? For coffee?' Beca pretends to look scandalised, but she's never been very good at keeping a straight face when Chloe's giving her that fond but mildly exasperated look. 'I suppose I could. Only for you, though.'

'How gallant of you,' Chloe teases, until someone in the line coughs pointedly. Beca glares at them. 'Oh, shoot. I'd better get back to work. See you in a bit, Beca.'

She waves to Chloe, making sure to knock into the woman behind her accidentally-on-purpose as she heads to a table towards the back. Beca sits down with her headphones and starts working on a mix - she's been planning one to give to Chloe as a gift for Christmas, since it's been a while since she made one personally for her girlfriend. Most of the next twenty-five minutes is spent tracking down various stems she can use for this mix - she wants it to be composed of all of Chloe's favourite songs - and it's easy to get lost in the process. It feels so different to working on mixes for Luke to play or for the Bellas. Here, she's only working on something that she wants to, which she knows will make Chloe happy.

She doesn't even notice it's gone way over the time Chloe said she'd be on her break, until movement in the corner of her eye catches her attention. She pulls off her headphones and looks up to investigate.

Up at the counter, Chloe appears to be in the middle of a rather loud altercation with a man, at least on his part since he seems to be arguing with her about something - complete with brandishing arms and violent gestures at the take-away cup he's currently holding. The look on Chloe's face immediately makes Beca's hackles raise; quietly, she packs away her laptop and headphones. She then approaches carefully, pretending to line up in such a way that she can eavesdrop without it being obvious that's what she's doing.

'I'm a busy man,' the man is ranting. 'And you are  _wasting_ my time! All I wanted was some coffee, and it's lukewarm!'

Beca edges a little closer.

'I'm sorry, sir,' says Chloe. Her voice is very even, but to Beca she seems like she might cry at any moment. 'As I explained to you before, we're having some, ah - technical difficulties.' She throws a sideways glance at another employee standing nearby. The sheepish look on her face explains very well what "technical difficulties" means.

'Do you think I care about your excuses? Just make it again for me, and I don't care who does it.' He shoves the drink back in her hand. 'And do it  _properly_ this time. I don't have time for your incompetence!'

Some of the liquid spills over Chloe's fingers as he pushes it back at her; Beca knows it's lukewarm, from the guy's rants, but seeing Chloe look so upset just sets off whatever switch it is that makes her do impulsive things in Beca. Call it protectiveness, or stupidity - whatever it is makes her tap on the shoulder of this guy about twice her height and weight and put a hand on her hip with way more confidence than she actually feels. He turns to look at her scathingly - frowning a bit when he has to look far lower down than anticipated - but she sets her jaw and glares up at the man. 'Do you mind?' she asks peevishly. 'She's not your damn slave, dude.'

Chloe, who has just noticed Beca is there, starts shaking her head violently at Beca. 'Beca,' she hisses. 'Please, don't...'

'Who the hell are you?' asks the man, taken aback. 'Do you work here?'

The question stumps Beca, her aggressive stance slipping for a moment. 'What? No, of course not.'

'If you work here, tell your colleagues to stop being so  _useless -_ ' he throws a nasty look back in Chloe's direction - 'and make my drink again for me. Properly, this time. I have a business meeting in ten minutes and I can't be late.'

'No - look, I don't work here, asshole!' exclaims Beca. 'I don't give a shit about your coffee, just stop being a dickbag to my girlfriend!'

His face twists in an ugly sneer. He may not get it into his thick skull that Beca doesn't even work here, but he can certainly tell Beca is being belligerent. 'I'm going to report you to corporate,' he says, thrusting his finger in Beca's face. 'Neither of you will work here ever again!'

He snatches his drink back from Chloe (who's been holding it loosely in her hand while she watches the scene in horror) and promptly throws the contents in Beca's face.

As it hits - most of it going in her eyes, unfortunately - Beca hears Chloe gasp, followed by the door slamming.

Regardless of its tepid temperature, the embarrassment of having a cup of coffee thrown in your face still stings a hell of a lot. She wipes her face with her forearm, shaking off some of the drips; from between gritted teeth, she mutters, 'Fucking asshole.' When her vision returns, she notices some of the other patrons are blatantly watching and whispering amongst themselves. Her face heats up.

Chloe comes around the side of the counter and takes her hand. 'Come on,' says Chloe quietly. 'We need to clean you up.' She calls to the other employee from earlier: 'I'm going on break, Leslie.'

Leslie does not protest, probably because the whole thing was her fault in the first place. She shoots Beca an apologetic look as Chloe tugs her past into the bathroom, where she grabs some paper towels. After wetting them in the sink, she carefully begins wiping the coffee from Beca's face with them. Meanwhile, Beca's humiliation has managed to team up with her anger about how Chloe was treated, and has resulted in a steady stream of swears and insults towards the guy's mother under her breath.

'That guy was a jerk,' Beca is muttering furiously. 'He never should've been talking to you like that. Fucking douchebag - who does he think he is? Fucking asshole.' She keeps up this violent diatribe under her voice as Chloe cleans her face and neck. Luckily her hair isn't wet, but this shirt is probably ruined. 'And he ruined my clothes. I liked this shirt.' She waits for Chloe to laugh, but none comes; Beca picks up on Chloe's lack of response quickly. 'Are ... you okay?' asks Beca.

'No,' is Chloe's blunt reply.

'What's wrong?'

'Are you really asking that?' Is it just Beca, or can she sense an edge in Chloe's voice? 'A customer just yelled at me for someone else's mistake, and then threw coffee in your face, Beca. What do you  _think_  is wrong?'

'Well, you know me,' Beca jokes, trying to lighten the mood. 'I miss the obvious sometimes.'

'For God's sake, Beca.' Chloe's brow furrows, and she rubs at the coffee staining Beca's collar just a little too hard. Beca winces and pulls back.

'Okay, why is it you're getting mad at  _me_ for all this?'

'I'm not mad,' says Chloe, despite the fact that she sounds rather mad indeed. 'I just don't know why you had to get involved. That's all.' When Beca looks perplexed, Chloe pinches the bridge of her nose. 'Look, I ... I could handle it. I didn't need you to step in for me.'

Beca frowns. 'I know.'

'So why did you?'

'I was defending you,' says Beca, as though it's obvious. It is to her. 'Isn't that what I'm meant to do?'

'I didn't need defending.'

'I know. But someone needed to tell him he was out of line, and if you'd done that you probably would've gotten fired, right? I know how retail doesn't like you telling people they're pieces of shit, even if they are.'

'I can handle things  _alone_ , Beca,' Chloe snaps. 'I don't need help. Especially not here - I know how to handle customers, and I know how to do my job. Okay?'

The anger in Chloe's voice makes Beca's heart squeeze. Beca still isn't quite sure what she did wrong - she had thought standing up for Chloe would've been the right thing to do, but apparently not. Beca immediately takes a small step backwards, away from Chloe, and crosses her arms across her chest.

She tries to reason with herself: Chloe is obviously having a bad day - an  _extremely_ bad one - because Chloe on a normal day would never act like this. It's not a sign that Chloe's gotten sick of her, or wants to leave her, just that she's feeling crappy. Beca briefly considers arguing back, or saying something in her defence, but to be honest Chloe being angry at her like this just makes her feel sad.

'Right,' Beca says in the end, her voice small. 'Sorry.'

She sees Chloe swallow at that, and some of the vehemence in her expression fades away to be replaced by something much more melancholy. But a knock on the door interrupts before she can say anything. 'Chloe?' comes a voice from outside. 'It's Leslie. Martin says your break is almost up and you need to get back out there.'

'Already? I swear it's only been like five minutes.'

'It's just what he told me to tell you.'

Chloe rubs her forehead, sighing deeply. 'Okay... Be there in a sec.' Chloe calls. She glances at Beca for a moment, something akin to guilt on her face, before she reaches for the door handle.

'I uploaded my stuff on Youtube,' Beca blurts out suddenly, just before she can leave. 'And Soundcloud. That's what I wanted you to see.'

This unexpected statement only seems to confuse Chloe, who stops and looks back at her. Beca can see the struggle play out on her face between upholding the tension and her anger from the last few minutes, and letting it go so she can congratulate Beca. In the end she says, 'That's... That's great.' But it doesn't quite meet her eyes. 'Um... I have to go...'

She practically runs out of the door, then. No hug. No kiss. Not even a goodbye. Beca never really thought she'd miss any of that stuff if it didn't happen. But apparently, people change.

* * *

_**Are you still at work?** _

_**Can you call me soon please?** _

_**It's past five. You should be done by now. Can you at least text me?** _

_**Chloe. To be honest, I really have no idea what happened between us earlier, but... I know I upset you somehow. So I'm sorry about that, I didn't mean to. Can you call when you get this though? I haven't heard from you since I left the shop and I'm starting to get a bit worried. Hope you're okay.** _

Cynthia Rose is certainly popular today, Beca can't help thinking, with more than a touch of bitternes.. Her phone keeps going off every few minutes. Every time it goes off, Cynthia Rose pauses whatever she's working on right now to answer it, sometimes with a little laugh and a shake of the head. Meanwhile, Beca has had a total of zero responses to the texts she's sent Chloe this evening, even after she apologised. It's more than a little annoying to leap for her phone every time she hears a buzz, only for it to be Cynthia Rose's phone instead.

How has everything gone so wrong, so quickly? And what did she even  _do_ that messed everything up? When she pictures situations in which her relationship would disintegrate in front of her eyes (and she has pictured it a lot), it usually consists of Chloe getting fed up after Beca does something wrong, and leaving her. But here... Beca isn't even sure  _what_ she did wrong. Chloe is upset because Beca made her feel like she couldn't handle the situation - right. Got that. Only, Beca had good intentions at heart.

Surely standing up for your girlfriend is way better than just waiting on the sidelines on the idiot while someone shouts abuse at her? Apparently Chloe doesn't think so.

In any case, she won't be doing  _that_ again in a hurry.

Cynthia Rose's voice brings Beca sharply out of her ruminations. 'You okay there, B?' she says, a weird look on her face. 'Only, uh, you're staring.'

'Oh, sorry,' says Beca weakly, realising she's just been gazing at Cynthia Rose the entire time she was thinking. She rolls onto her back. 'I just zoned out.'

'Something the matter?'

'Oh... I dunno. Maybe.' She waits, but Cynthia Rose doesn't ask; she's too busy reading another text. 'Chloe and I had an argument.'

'Really?' she asks, pressing "send" on the text. 'What about?'

'Well, maybe argument is a strong word. But she did kind of yell at me...' Beca explains the situation to her in between Cynthia Rose checking her phone, feeling a little embarrassed when she gets to the part where she decides to stand up for her girlfriend and only received a cup of coffee in the face as thanks. Cynthia Rose frowns over at Beca.

'That doesn't sound like Chloe. Normally she's all bouncy, sunshine and daisies.'

Beca shakes her head. 'No. She's usually like that, but when Chloe gets angry, she  _really_ gets angry. I know that from experience.'

'It seems like a weird thing to get upset at  _you_ about, though,' says Cynthia Rose. 'You were only trying to help.'

'Right? Except she saw it as me acting like she couldn't handle the situation... I think something was definitely up beyond what I did,' says Beca, after a moment. 'Or at least, I kinda hope so. Is that weird?'

'Nah. You're probably right. Have you spoken to her since?'

'No,' says Beca sadly. 'She hasn't replied to any of my texts.'

Cynthia Rose whistles. 'Damn. There must be something really wrong. You guys are always texting.'

'Not today, apparently.' As if on cue, Cynthia Rose's phone chimes, annoying Beca even more. 'Who are  _you_ texting constantly today, anyway?'

She blinks at Beca, as though confused what she's asking about, but then - 'Oh. Uh, Lauren.'

 _'Lauren_? As in, our Lauren?'

'Do we know any other Laurens?' Cynthia Rose shrugs.

'What? What the hell could you be talking to  _Lauren_ about?' says Beca, barely hiding her disgust.

'We're just talking about college. It's fun.' Beca must be pulling some sort of face, because Cynthia Rose rolls her eyes. 'Look, she's really not that bad when you get to know her. I got to talking to her at the Riff Off, got her number, we've been talking a bit ever since.'

'No, it's not that.'

'Then what?'

'Well, she's not...' Beca bites her lip. 'Lauren's not gay. You do know that, right?'

It's the wrong thing to say; Cynthia Rose's expression turns dark. 'I can just be friends with someone, you know,' Cynthia Rose snaps. 'What, you think just because I've been with a few girls this semester that I want to bang everyone I see?'

'Whoa.' Beca holds her hands up. 'Slow down. That really wasn't what I was saying. It's more that... Well, what about Stacie?'

'What about her?' says Cynthia Rose moodily. 'It's not like we actually had anything going on.'

'Did something happen between the two of you? You were still all hung up over her back at the sleepover.'

Cynthia Rose's lip curls. 'You know, B, you can be kinda nosy sometimes.'

Beca is stung by this. 'Wow. Okay. I get the picture.' Beca finally crawls out of her bed, reaching for her laptop so she can at least pretend to work on mixes. Why is everyone snapping at her today? 'I'll leave you to it. Say hi to Lauren from me.'

'Will do,' says Cynthia Rose grumpily. She promptly rolls onto her side, away from Beca.

Beca watches her for a few moments, and then shoots off another text.

_**Please call me soon, Chlo. I really just need this day to end, and for everything to go back to normal. Like it was before.** _

_**Please.** _

* * *

_No diggity..._

Beca groans in displeasure, reaching under her pillow to find the infernal object. It's after a minute of actually trying to  _find_ her pillow that she realises she's not even in her bed, and it then takes another few seconds to see that she fell asleep at her desk and her phone is on the floor. She just about registers Chloe's name and face on the display of her phone before puts it to her ear and says drowsily, 'Hello?'

'Beca?'

'Chlo?' she says, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Her computer display as it's three in the morning. Across the room, Cynthia Rose's bed is empty. When did she leave? 'Jesus, I've been texting all evening and you pick now to call me?'

Chloe's breath on the line is loud and audible, and when she speaks her voice has a rather nasal quality. 'I know, I'm really sorry... I-I've barely slept and I just needed to hear your voice for a bit... I'm sorry, I'll let you go back to sleep -'

'Wait, come back.' Slowly things are starting to become more coherent in Beca's brain. At the very least has the presence of mind to know letting Chloe hang up the phone right now - even if Beca  _really_ wants to go back to sleep - is not a good idea. 'Don't hang up. What's going on?'

There's a pause, and then the unmistakeable sound of Chloe beginning to cry. 'Everything - I don't know what to do, Beca, everything hurts right now...'

'Everything hurts?' Beca echoes, confused. 'What hurts? Did you fall? What?'

'No - I mean my head, and my stomach... I think I'm sick...?'

Finally all the cogs slot into place. Beca swears; she jumps to her feet and nearly falls over when she gets her left foot tangled in the cord of her headphones, but she manages to hop to safety. 'Okay, are you at home?'

Chloe sniffs. 'Yeah.'

'Right, I'll be over in twenty.'

'What? No,' says Chloe, sounding aghast. 'It's the middle of the night.'

'I don't care,' responds Beca firmly. 'Let me get dressed and then I'll call you again when I'm outside your apartment.' She hangs up before Chloe can argue back with her. She starts getting dressed in yesterday's clothes quickly, struggling a little bit given that her coordination still isn't the best from the lack of sleep, and the only light is the thin line breaking through the curtains. Mentally she runs through everything she needs: clothes, her phone, room key... Chloe's key. If Chloe's sick, she needs to be in bed, not jumping up to unlock the door for Beca.

But where the hell  _is_ Chloe's key? She's not used it for a few days. It could be anywhere.

A quick pat down of her jeans and the jacket she wore the other day proves fruitless. Beca growls in frustration and starts looking down the side of her bed, which seems to be where everything else she's lost ends up: she finds a stick of Chapstick, a dollar worth of change, and even a scarf she thought she'd lost a month ago. But no key.

It's just as she's pulling on her coat that the door opens, and Cynthia Rose steps through. She startles when she sees the state of the room, and that Beca is up and rampaging around it; she looks rather worse for the wear as well, but Beca has slightly different priorities right now. 'What's going on?'

'Chloe's sick,' Beca answers, now beginning to dismantle her bed. 'Have you seen my key to Chloe's apartment anywhere? I need to get over there, like right now.'

 _'Chloe's_? Wait - you're not going to walk all the way there in the dark, are you?'

'Well, what else do you suggest?' Beca asks, still pulling her sheets off. 'None of the buses that go to hers are running this time of night.' Shit, shit shit, It's not here either. 'And she sounded really bad on the phone - I don't know what's wrong with her, but I have to get over there  _somehow -_ '

She's losing control, she knows that, and the sudden squeezing tightness in her chest only exacerbates her anxiety. Sensing Beca has crossed some threshold of panic, Cynthia Rose crosses over to her and takes her by the shoulders.

'Hey, hey. Calm down, Beca,' she says firmly. 'B, it's fine. We can get over there - I'll take you.'

When that sentence finally parses itself in her brain, Beca starts, mangled pillow clutched in one fist. 'What? You can drive?'

'Of course? Who doesn't?' Beca just looks at her, and she rolls her eyes. 'Oh, right. You. Anyway, yeah, I can totally drive you there.'

Beca bites her lip, touched. Her heart begins to slow. 'Really? You'd do that for me?'

'Sure,' replies Cynthia Rose. 'You've been upset all day about Chloe, and I figure if she's calling you this early in the morning, then there's gotta be something wrong. And I also figure you're gonna go no matter what... So might as well make sure you don't get murdered on the way, right?'

Maybe it's the fact it's early morning, but for some reason Beca feels tears stinging her eyes, and a need to hug someone other than Chloe for the first time in her life. But she can't quite muster up the nerve, so instead she just gapes unattractively. , 'Dude... Thanks.'

'You can pay me back with a solo sometime.' She snatches up her car keys from her desk, and after a moment, picks up Beca's key from the floor with a smirk. She throws it to Beca, who catches it with clumsy fingers. 'C'mon, let's go see what's up with your girl.'

* * *

Once she's in the car, Beca texts Chloe on the way to tell her that she's getting a ride from Cynthia Rose. However, none of her messages are getting responses now. Cynthia Rose glances at Beca her as she drives, chewing on her lower lip. 'What do you think is going on, then?'

'I don't know,' says Beca with a sigh, leaning her head back against the headrest. 'She said she thought she was sick, but I don't have anything else to go on.'

'You think it has anything to do with how she acted earlier? Also, do I go left here?'

'Yep.' Cynthia Rose swings left violently, causing Beca to have to hold onto her chair for dear life. Once she isn't scared she's going to fly through the windscreen, she says, 'I dunno. Maybe? She's been more tired and stressed out than usual, but I don't know why.'

'Maybe she's burnt herself out,' suggests Cynthia Rose. 'She seems like she's busy all the time.'

'Yeah... She is.'

Beca takes a breath, running her fingers through her hair. She probably looks a state right now, but she would've looked worse if she'd tried to walk. Considering that Beca has see her breath in front of her, even in Cynthia Rose's car, she's pretty grateful she didn't try that. 'Does she talk to you guys much?'

'Nope. Not seen her besides the sleepover. Does she still talk to Aubrey?'

'Yeah, they Skype all the time. Although actually,' says Beca, suddenly realising, 'I haven't seen any calls in the last week or so. That's weird. At one point they were Skyping every day.'

'Maybe they had a fight?'

'No, Chloe would've told me. Especially since she's meant to be coming over this weekend... And, oh fuck, that's tomorrow, isn't it?' says Beca, catching Cynthia Rose's alarmed look and interpreting it correctly. 'And Chloe's sick.  _Shit_.' She puts her head in her hands. 'Chloe's gonna be really upset about that.'

'Are you gonna tell Aubrey to come another time?'

Beca thinks about it, but eventually sighs. 'No. I'm not too good with sick people... I might need all the help I can get.'

'Well, if you need me or the Bellas to help out as well, just say the word, okay?'

Beca smiles. 'Yeah, okay. Thanks.'

'No prob.'

'So... Where did you go tonight?' Beca asks, after a few moments of silence. 'When I woke up, you weren't in your bed.'

There's a pause. And then Cynthia Rose says, her voice sounding strained - 'I went over to Lauren's for a bit.'

'... Oh.'

The conversation dies there, and Beca has no desire to continue it. She does  _not_ have time for that.

* * *

They make it to Chloe's in record time, partly helped by Cynthia Rose's haphazard driving. As she slides neatly (apparently the only thing she can do neatly while driving) into a parking space **,** Beca secretly breathes a sigh of relief that she's still alive. 'Thanks, CR,' says Beca as she pops her seatbelt open. 'I really owe you one.' She hops out of the car, and is somewhat surprised to see Cynthia Rose getting out as well. 'Are you coming as well then?' she asks, confused.

'Not going to lie, B, I'm kind of worried as well. I'd feel better if I knew she was okay.'

In a way, Beca is quite glad to have someone with her. It takes her several tries to get the button in the elevator to work, before Cynthia Rose ends up pushing it for her. They ride in silence, with Beca fiddling with whatever is available to help stave off her nerves. Luckily Cynthia Rose never comments on this, but simply smiles encouragingly which goes some way to making her more relaxed.

There's no answer when Beca knocks at the door, nor when they try calling her cell from both of their phones in case Beca's is suddenly malfunctioning. Beca decides the only course of action is to use her key. She scrambles in her bag for it, already thinking of twenty reasons in her head as to why Chloe might not be answering the door or her phone right now - and none of them are good. She fumbles with the key because of her shaking hands; Cynthia Rose has to help her open her do it.

When they burst indoors, it's to find Chloe passed out on the couch. A bottle of Advil sits on the coffee table. Immediately her mind jumps to the worst possible scenario, already heightened by her worries at the door; the room spins for a dizzying, terrifying moment. 'Oh fuck - no -'

But Cynthia Rose grabs hold of Beca's elbow to steady her, barking into her ear, 'Beca, calm down. She's fine. Look.' She gestures to Chloe, who Beca now notices is starting to wake up from. 'She's just asleep. Poor kid's all tuckered out.' Cynthia Rose pushes her forward, making Beca stumble on her still unstable legs. 'Go talk to her,' she hisses.

Beca approaches her slowly, sitting down on the edge of the couch. She puts one hand on Chloe's forehead. She's very warm and her cheeks look flushed. 'Hey there,' says Beca softly, seeing Chloe's eyelids flickering open slowly. 'You okay?' She looks up at Cynthia Rose. 'Think she might have a fever.'

'Ah, crap.' Cynthia Rose winces. 'That explains a lot, if she's caught the flu or something. Could be worse though, I guess.'

'Yeah, I guess' replies Beca hollowly, looking at Chloe's pained expression.

'You need me to stick around to help?'

'No, I should be good. Thanks though.'

'It's cool. Let me know if you need something.' Cynthia Rose gives her a thumbs up; Beca returns it. The door shutting behind Cynthia Rose seems to stir Chloe back into fuller consciousness, as she mumbles, 'Whowazat?'

'Cynthia Rose, Chlo,' says Beca, gently pushing Chloe back down when she tries to sit up. 'She drove me over here.'

'Oh...' Chloe groans, putting her hands to her head. 'I fell asleep...'

'It's okay. Looks like you're not feeling too good, huh?' She runs her fingers through Chloe's hair. She's sweating slightly around her hairline. 'You been like this all night?

'Yeah,' Chloe croaks. 'Beca, about earlier -'

'Shh. It's okay,' she says. 'We can talk about it later. For now, I think we should get you to bed. Think you can make it?'

Choe nods, and doesn't protest as Beca pulls her gently to her feet. It's a bit of an ordeal to support Chloe all the way to the bedroom, since her legs don't seem to be working properly, but they get there eventually. Chloe makes a beeline for the bed as soon as they reach it, and - still wearing her clothes - immediately wraps herself up in the duvet. When Beca makes for the door, Chloe seizes her wrist. 'Stay here,' Chloe pleads. 'Don't go.'

Beca meets her gaze steadily and squeezes her hand, trying to reassure her. She says slowly, 'I'm just taking my shoes off and putting them in the hall. Then I'll be right back, I promise.' After a moment where it looks like Chloe might not ever let go, Chloe nods and releases her grip. Beca immediately rushes off into the hallway and toes off her shoes. When she gets back, Chloe's pulled back the duvet a bit. The implication is obvious: she wants Beca there too.

Beca crawls into the bed with her with only a moment's hesitation, much to her own silent relief. The thought of getting sick has crossed her mind more than once, but Chloe (and Aubrey probably) would never forgive her if she left her in this state. Even Beca, with her poor knowledge of social norms, is fully aware that running away screaming from your sick girlfriend is  _not_ the done thing.

'You're cold,' Chloe says, a hint of a whine in her voice. But she clutches Beca tightly anyway.

'And you're warm,' Beca replies. 'I guess we match like that.'

'Dork,' Chloe murmurs. She buries her face in Beca's neck. Her skin is red-hot and uncomfortably sticky against Beca's, and her shirt is damp when Beca runs a hand down it. Chloe has fallen quiet, and seems to be thinking hard about something. It only takes a minute or so of silence for her to reveal what it is.

'Beca, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to yell at you earlier.'

'It's okay.' It kind of is, now, to be honest. Considering how ill Chloe seems, Beca would be grouchy too. She can't believe she's wasting her energy trying to apologise to Beca when she's feeling like this.

'No, it isn't,' says Chloe, sounding upset. 'It's not okay, I was stressed and sick and I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have - your face, Beca -'

Beca's not sure what Chloe's going on about now, but she just holds her a little tighter and shushes her; Chloe won't have any of it, though, as she twists slightly so she can look at her properly. 'Your face,' she goes on insistently. 'You looked so upset.'

'My face is happy now,' says Beca, baring her teeth in a facsimile of a smile. 'See?'

'No, seriously,' says Chloe, sounding a little panicked. 'I didn't mean to - I was just angry -'

'Chloe, calm down.' She cups Chloe's cheek, forcing her to make eye contact. 'It's okay. Alright?  _I forgive you_. I'm not mad at you at all for being a little irritable when you're this ill, and I get why you were mad in the first place. I shouldn't have been so nosy and got involved.'

Relief floods Chloe's expression. 'You aren't mad?'

'No, Chloe. I'm not mad.'

Chloe's demons are apparently soothed by that one sentence, ignoring everything else Beca said; she snuggles back into Beca. 'Thank God,' she mumbles... and then promptly falls unconscious, with barely another word said between them. Beca can only look at her incredulously: not a mention of Beca uploading her work to the Internet. But she can't really blame Chloe when she's in this state.

She feels too on edge to go back to sleep - especially in the same bed as Chloe, which she still hasn't done before - so she sits up as carefully as she can without dislodging Chloe. Thinking.

Cynthia Rose is apparently friends with Lauren - enough to go visit her  _in the middle of the night,_ despite the fact she's literally never seen the two of them interact before, even in practice. Chloe is sick, ignored Beca for half a day, and seems to be mood-swinging all over the place to boot. And she can't even ask her why because of the aforementioned illness. Has everyone just gone fucking insane overnight?

It's with a groan - inwardly, of course, she would rather Chloe didn't wake up - that Beca remembers that Aubrey will be here tomorrow.

If Aubrey starts being nice to her and treating her like an actual friend, then she might start wondering if she's somehow travelled into a parallel universe somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you haven't already, please read the A/N at the top. Catch you soon guys.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Not to worry, the story is still going (been working my butt off trying to fix the plot). Although January is exam and essay deadline time for me, I'll do my best to update!
> 
> There's vomit in this chapter, briefly. I feel like that might need a warning. Then again, if you've watched PP...

 

It's far too early in the morning when Aubrey arrives and starts banging on the door of Chloe's apartment, especially since Beca didn't actually fall asleep until quite late in the night. However, it is not the banging which wakes them - which goes on for several minutes, unnoticed by the two girls snoring away in the bed - but the angry call that comes along with it.

Blearily, Beca sits up and tries to locate her phone. She tries to answer it, but ends up just gazing at it in confusion when she realises the screen is blank - until suddenly Chloe's thrusting her own phone in Beca's face. 'Get rid of it,' Chloe moans, nearly hitting Beca in the eye with her eagerness to get rid of it. 'Make it  _stop_.'

'Okay, okay.' It's Aubrey, of course. When Beca picks up, she barely gets out a tired, 'Hello,' before Aubrey snaps, 'I'm  _outside_ '. She then hangs up.

Beca sighs. 'Aubrey's here,' she tells Chloe, but she doesn't respond beyond a grunt. Rolling her eyes, Beca reluctantly leaves the warmth of the bed to go answer the door, which is so loud Beca isn't sure how Chloe could be sleeping through it. Next to Chloe's warmth the room is freezing, so she snatches up one of her sweaters on the way to pull on over... The shirt she was wearing last night. Huh. It finally hits her that she fell asleep in Chloe's bed last night instead of relocating to the sofa at some point like she'd planned originally - but she'll have to process that one later, because apparently Aubrey still doesn't know how to knock on doors like a human being.

'Chloe's sick,' says Beca bluntly, as soon as she's opened the door.

Aubrey doesn't look particularly pleased to see Beca there, but nor does she look surprised; she frowns, pushing past Beca to get into the apartment. 'Sick? But I'm only here for a weekend.' Her tone, while sympathetic, is undoubtedly annoyed - like Chloe should have been able to hold it in until Aubrey had left. 'Where is she? In bed?'

'Yep,' replies Beca, popping the "p". 'She looked pretty terrible when you woke her up - oh, thanks for that, by the way. Should I go see if she's well enough to see you?' She wisely doesn't add the sarcastic 'm'lady' that she's thinking of at the end.

Aubrey's busy making herself at home on the couch. 'Yes, go on then.'

Beca waits for her to say please, or thanks, at least something to indicate that she knows how actual conversation works as well. Nothing comes, so she heads back into the bedroom, disgruntled.

Chloe moans in displeasure when Beca walks back in, rolling over onto her side. Now she's a little more coherent and her vision is less blurry, Beca realises that at some point during the night Chloe seems to have stripped down to her underwear; although she has the comforter pulled all the way up to her chin, the little pile of clothes on the floor is a bit of a giveaway. While her brain is taking this in, Chloe decides to remind Beca that she's sick again, and that this is a really bad time to get worked up about seeing your girlfriend in fewer layers of clothes.

'Too loud. Be quieter.'

'Sorry, sorry,' says Beca, shutting the door as quietly and quickly as she can. She creeps over to Chloe, putting a hand on her bare shoulder, which is just about visible. 'How're you feeling?'

'No,' comes the muffled response, which pretty much sums this whole experience up as far as Beca is concerned. Looking after sick people has never been her forte at the best of times, let alone when she has no other choice. It's why she became a DJ - the less social contact, the better.

'Still ill?'

'Mm. Headache. I'm aching everywhere.'

'What do you think is causing it?'

She hears Chloe make an irritable noise. 'I don't know. I'm just sick.'

'Ah…' She sits down next to Chloe, gently stroking her hair. It helps a little, since Chloe relaxes into her touch. Well, at least Beca can do  _that_. 'Can I get you anything?'

'No...' She pauses. 'Actually, maybe some water.'

'Sure.' Then she remembers . 'Oh, wait. Aubrey's here.'

The muscles underneath Beca's fingers tense for a moment as Chloe stills, and then suddenly she sits up. 'Shit!' Sitting up that fast was evidently a mistake, however, as she has to throw out a hand to grab onto Beca so she can keep her balance - Beca does her best to keep her upright, but she's pretty much a dead weight today. 'Shit, I  _completely_ forgot Bree was coming! Oh my God...'

'It's okay,' Beca says, reaching behind Chloe to pull her pillow upright and push her back onto it to support her back. 'She knows you're ill.'

'No, you don't understand,' says Chloe, upset. She pushes Beca out of the way and jumps out of bed, already visibly imbalanced. 'We've been planning this visit for  _ages_ \- I won't be able to see her for so long after this. Oh my God, I can't believe I'm sick  _today_ , of all days!'

'You can't help being ill, Chlo. She'll understand.' Chloe's not listening however, too busy trying to find her clothes without opening her eyes.'Chloe, just go back to bed. Do you really think you're up for seeing Aubrey right now?'

'No, I have to go talk -' Chloe stops in the middle of putting her shirt on, her sentence fading away as her eyes fall shut.

'Chloe?' asks Beca warily. 'You... okay?'

'No...' she whimpers, a hand coming up to cover her mouth.

'What is it?' Beca stands up - and from this new angle, she can see Chloe has begun to sway slightly, and that her face has gone very, very green. It doesn't take a genius to know what's coming.

'AUBREY!'

* * *

Aubrey rushes in at the sound of Beca's yell - past Beca herself, who is currently running in the opposite direction - and rolls her eyes as soon as she sees what's happening. She goes out into the kitchen and pulls a bucket out from underneath the sink, filling it with some warm water. She also retrieves some rubber gloves, cleaning fluid, and sponges from the same cupboard. 'What kind of girlfriend are you that you can't even deal with her puke?' she snaps, while the water is running.

'One with a weak stomach, apparently.' Beca wipes her forehead. She can still feel her insides churning at the memory of it. 'Ugh. Nope, nope, nope. It was everywhere.'

Aubrey's scoff is derisive, but Beca can't really argue back in case she makes  _her_  clear it up. She carries the bucket off into Chloe's bedroom; meanwhile, Beca sits down on the couch and tries to take deep breaths and not think about it, so as not to add to Aubrey's workload. She can hear Chloe and Aubrey talking in hushed tones from the next room, but can't make out actual words. The reminder that they have some sort of secret thing going on doesn't make her vague nausea any better.

Surprisingly, it doesn't take Aubrey very long to return - by which time Beca has pulled out her phone and found videos of puppies to get her mind off things. She's just watching one of a French bulldog refusing to go to bed when Aubrey walks back in, now carrying some sheets across the top of the bucket. 'You can go back in now, if you want,' says Aubrey, with a severe look at Beca as she pulls off her rubber gloves. 'Really, there was hardly anything there. You're a wimp.'

Considering Aubrey just had to clean up her girlfriend's vomit for her, for once, Beca decides that it's not worth retorting. 'Thanks. I owe you, dude.'

'I'll hold you to that,' Aubrey sniffs. But when Beca doesn't move, her brow knits. 'Well? Aren't you going in?'

'Don't  _you_  want to see her?'

She folds her arms. 'It's not me she asked for.'

Silence falls, where Beca tries to look anywhere but Aubrey. Her statement is delivered in flat tones, but after a year of trying (and sometimes not) to get on Aubrey's last nerve with every practice, Beca knows her tells when she's upset - that jaw twitch is very distinctive. Still, Beca should probably put her girlfriend duties first - unless running out on Chloe has put her in the doghouse now. Damn. Yeah, she'd better go in there and suck it up.

Bad choice of words.

'Oh. Uh... I'll be back in a sec, then.' Beca stands up and awkwardly shuffles out of the room, avoiding eye contact the whole way.

Chloe's bedroom smells pretty heavily of whatever Aubrey used to clean the carpet, and Chloe herself is currently curled up in a ball at the bottom of her bed. Any trace of...  _yeah,_ has been removed, but there is a slight wet stain on the floor which Beca decides not to think too hard about. When she raises her head to look at Beca, her cheeks are tear-stained and she's squinting slightly, looking pained; Beca realises this is because Aubrey left the light on. She flips the switch. 'Feeling any better?'

Chloe groans, unfurling her body from the clenched position she was previously in. 'Physically, I feel a little better, but… Mostly, I'm embarrassed. God, I'm  _so_  sorry, Bec.'

'Hey, you can't help it.' She sits on the bed next to Chloe, legs folded underneath her; Chloe immediately leans her forehead against her thigh. 'I'm just sorry I'm a wuss about it.' Chloe shrugs half-heartedly, pushing her tangled hair out of her eyes. She makes a face at her hand.

'Ugh - I'm a mess. I look so gross.'

'No you don't.'

'Don't lie, Beca.'

'I'm not. I mean, you're a little sweaty, sure, but who isn't now and then?' Beca's not so great at the placating-your-girlfriend act, apparently, and it's blatantly obvious. She looks up at Beca, a half smile on her lips.

'You're really bad at that.'

Beca sighs. 'Yeah, I know. But I'm working on it.'

'Mm. Gonna need a  _lot_  of work.'

'You're awfully snarky for someone who just threw up on the floor.' Beca winces, and so does Chloe. 'Sorry. Foot, meet mouth. Oh wait, you guys are already friends, my bad...'

'It's okay.'

It's obviously not okay. Why is she so bad at this? At just acting like a normal, caring human being instead of the sarcastic shit she always is? It always looks so easy in those damn movies of Jesse's to get the girl swooning - wait. Movies. Ah,  _there's_ something she can do without messing it up. 'Hey, why don't you get back into bed?' she suggests, barely able to keep the triumphant note out of her voice. 'We'll watch a movie on so you can relax a bit and forget about how much of an idiot I am?'

Chloe squints at her. 'But you hate movies,' she says suspiciously, as though it's completely unheard of for Beca to do things she's not a fan of for Chloe - as though their entire relationship wasn't almost entirely based on that concept.

'Yeah. But you like them. And I like you, so I guess I'll just have to manage.' She twitches her thigh, nudging Chloe off it. 'Go on, get in. I'll go find something to put on.' While Chloe crawls back into bed, she goes back out into the living room. Aubrey is still there, sitting on the couch with her hands folded in her lap.

Beca watches her as Aubrey gazes off into the distance. She actually looks... Rather lost? Then again, it can't be easy when you've travelled miles to see your best friend and she's too sick to see you. She's mostly surprised that Aubrey is showing genuine emotion with Beca in the room. Maybe they do have more in common than she thought.

She clears her throat, getting Aubrey's attention. 'Uh, hey. We're going to watch a film together.'

'Good for you,' says Aubrey politely, turning back to the front. 'She'll like that.'

Beca rubs the back of her head, unable to believe she's suggesting this. But Aubrey hasn't looked so forlorn since they didn't place at Regionals, and it's very obvious why that is - she feels somewhat responsible. 'Did you... want to join us? She'd like you to be there.'

Aubrey's head shoots up in surprise, and for a moment she looks tempted. But then she bites her lip and looks back down at her lap. 'No, it's fine. She needs her rest.'

'Well, we're going to do it anyway. One extra person won't hurt.'

'No, I...' She sighs. 'You should be with her.'

'She won't mind, obviously.' Aubrey just takes a long breath in and lets it out, but doesn't respond any more. 'Uh. Is something wrong?'

That twitch is back. Aubrey casts an irritated look at Beca.  _'No_. Nothing is wrong.' She stands up and throws on her coat in one smooth movement, now aggressively doing up the buttons.

Beca inwardly rolls her eyes at Aubrey's dramatics. 'Where are you going now?'

'I'm going see if any of the other Bellas would like to do some catching up. And _maybe_ Chloe will be feeling better later when I come back.'

Beca is beginning to get rather sick of Aubrey's attitude. 'Aubrey, she can't help being ill.'

Aubrey scowls. 'I never said that. Of course I don't blame her for being sick!' She shakes her head, muttering to herself. 'Never mind. You wouldn't understand.'

'Try me. This might surprise you, but sometimesI do have feelings.'

Aubrey snorts. 'I'll believe that when I see it.'

She takes a wild stab in the dark at what's going on here. Although, maybe it's not a wild stab if it's blatantly obvious. 'Do _y_ _ou_ want to go look after her instead?'

When Aubrey freezes as she's doing up her last button, Beca knows she's hit onto something. 'No, that's fine,' says Aubrey, sounding defeated. 'You're her girlfriend, or whatever. You should probably be the one in there.'

'You don't seem very sure about that.'

Aubrey huffs, finally doing up that final button. She reaches for her bag again, turning her back on Beca. 'It's _fine_.'

'You're still her best friend, and stuff. She still needs you.'

'Would you let it go?' she snarls. 'I told you - it's fine.'

Giving up, Beca tries something else. 'Hey, why don't you go see Unicycle? I'm sure he'd like to see you.'

She doesn't even look at Beca. 'We broke up.'

 _Oops_. 'Oh... Sorry,' she says, shifting her weight from foot to foot. She just wants to get the movie and run back into Chloe's room. Even the smell of bleach is better than this. 'What happened?'

'Distance,' says Aubrey flatly. 'He couldn't handle it. Apparently.'

'Oh, that really sucks. But there's... Other fish in the sea?' Beca squints one eye. Relationship advice isn't really her forte, despite being in one herself. Aubrey sniffs.

'Yes, thank you Beca. I'm going to leave now before you start spouting other clichés.'

'Hey!' she exclaims, but the door has already slammed behind Aubrey.

Oh well. She tried... Badly.

Beca retrieves Chloe's laptop, finds the cheesiest looking romcom she can find in her bookcase, then quickly makes her way back into Chloe's room. She smiles weakly when Beca returns, looking like she's half asleep already. That's good - maybe then Beca won't have to sit through an entire film. Is that selfish? No, she decides - just preserving her sanity.

'I think Aubrey might actually be  _jealous_ of me,' says Beca incredulously, sliding into bed next to Chloe and loading up the DVD. 'She was acting really weird when I asked her to join us. And then she just left. What's that about?'

Chloe yawns, snuggling up to Beca's side. 'She always has been,' she says sleepily. 'I think, anyway.'

'She was?'

'Totes. Because you're so awesome, and pretty, and musical... And stuff.' She nuzzles Beca's hip, throwing one arm over it. 'Who wouldn't be jealous?'

'I don't know about that, Chlo.' Although inside, she's rather pleased to hear it. 'I just meant that she seems jealous of our relationship... Should I be worried about you two?' she says, only half joking. It does seem a little odd for Aubrey to act so hostile if they're only friends. And there's that whole thing about their Skype talks...

But Chloe's making a face, looking like she wants to make a repeat performance of earlier. 'Ew, no. Aubrey's hot, but... no.' Hearing Chloe say that she thinks Aubrey is hot is not quite what she wanted to hear. But what she says next is. 'Besides... It's you that I want.'

'Really?' Chloe nods as fervently as she can with her face pressed into Beca's side. 'Cool.'

She giggles, reaching over to link her fingers with Beca's. 'You're an idiot, sometimes. But... You're my idiot, so it's okay.'

Beca smiles. 'Well, as long as I'm only an idiot around you.'

'I hope so.'

Chloe mumbles that last bit so quietly that it's obvious she's beginning to fall asleep again. As Beca loads up the DVD for real now, she gazes down at Chloe out of the corner of her eye. Sometimes she really does have to pinch herself, because to be sitting in bed with  _Chloe Beale_ and have her go to  _Beca_ for comfort when she's sick - well, last year it would've seemed impossible. Back then it always seemed like Beca was the one with the problems. _  
_

It's been difficult to remember it lately because of all her paranoia about what's going on with Chloe, and with her getting sick. Yet it strikes Beca in this moment that she's _really_ lucky. Lucky to have someone who cares for her so much, and is helping her to get to a place where she can be both a functional human being and a halfway decent girlfriend. That takes a lot of patience. And she realises now that she's never properly thanked her for that.

Beca leans down and gently strokes a thumb over Chloe's face, not even caring how much of a dork she looks like doing it for once. Chloe doesn't stir, which might be what gives her the courage to whisper, 'I really hope you're asleep right now, because I kind of want to say something  _really_ mushy and possibly really commitment-y to you right now, and I want to be able to pretend it didn't happen later on.' There's a long pause, and Beca starts to think Chloe is actually asleep. She's really tempted to say it.

But then she has to ruin it.

'I'm asleep,' Chloe mumbles.

Beca sits back, slightly disappointed and not sure why. 'You know, you could have just pretended you were asleep just then.'

'Mm. But I don't want you to pretend it didn't happen,' she says, her eyes flickering open for just a moment, then falling closed again because she's too sleepy to keep them open. 'I want you to  _want_  to say it.'

Fair point. 'Alright. You might have to wait a bit longer, though.'

'That's okay,' she says with a sigh, but there's an upward turn to her lips. 'Do you mind if I sleep while I wait?'

Beca laughs. 'No, go right ahead.' With that permission, Chloe is asleep within seconds. It's kind of amazing, the ease with which she can fall in and out of sleep. She abandons the film, and makes some halfhearted decision to do some work or something, but as usual that is discarded in favour of absentmindedly stroking Chloe's hair and gazing off into space.

Yeah, this isn't so bad, she decides. She's been worried about Chloe, lately, but maybe things are on the way to getting better. Unfortunately it makes a lot of sense that Chloe is ill - the poor girl has obviously been working herself into the ground, so it's clear Beca's going to have to try harder to help her out and make sure she rests more. Maybe she could learn to cook or something so Chloe actually has a decent meal to eat the end of the day? Or she could come over more often to check up on her. Time to actually learn how to be a decent girlfriend, at any rate.

As she's thinking, Chloe's phone buzzes on the counter, and, simultaneously, an iMessage notification comes up on Chloe's laptop screen. She tries not to look to respect her privacy, but the name on the screen still manages to catch her attention - and by the time she's looked at that, it's way too late for the message that she reads (albeit cut off by the screen) not to make Beca's insides twist and go numb.

**Kate**

Hey. I was wondering... Can we meet up soon? I know it's

* * *

She has to remind herself at the last moment not to cry out verbally, or wake Chloe in any way; she forces herself to take a deep breath in, and then a deep breath out. But it does nothing to calm her thoughts, because they're already racing ahead - is this a message from _Kate,_  Kate? Luke's brother? She doesn't know - there's no last name attached. But whoever it is, why are they meeting up?  _Why_  are they in contact?

(No. She needs to calm down, because freaking out is exactly what she shouldn't be doing right now. She needs to wake Chloe and ask her  _calmly_  what's going on.)

But is it even Kate? Chloe's never mentioned another Kate before. What if it's a colleague or someone she used to know from college? Something in Beca's gut keeps telling her that this is definitely  _the_ Kate, and that Chloe's been talking to her. Behind her back.

(Stop freaking out. This is  _dumb._ Just ask her!)

She feels trapped in this bed. When she tries to get up, Chloe whimpers in her sleep and clutches onto her tighter. She can't leave, or Chloe will know something is wrong. And what if she's just overreacting? She  _can't_  say anything, or Chloe will think she's been reading her messages, and then there'll be an argument. She just can't handle that right now. Not after literally just thinking that things were getting better - it's like some kind of cosmic joke. Like she isn't allowed to be happy, for once.

(She  _can_ be happy. It's all in her head, anyway... It's all because she keeps overreacting. If she wasn't so prone to jumping to conclusions, this wouldn't happen.)

Rationality doesn't seem to be gelling with Beca today, though, because a rational person probably would've done something completely different to just sitting in bed with Chloe for a few hours while she thinks. It's easy to zone out and completely ignore Chloe, who falls in and out of consciousness the whole time with barely a stir and a mumble of Beca's name (good, it's  _her_  name). As long as Beca keeps up a mechanical stroking of her hair, she's none the wiser of the feelings swirling about inside Beca, or the panic beginning to build.

In the back of her mind she knows talking to Chloe would be the best option - but immediately dismisses that idea, because oh God, what if it's really happening? What if she asks Chloe about it... and she's right? But then she sways back in the other way, knowing that she should say something about it to Chloe for her own peace of mind - but then she's back to worrying about her worries coming true.

She barely resists the urge to read the other messages to find out, because okay, no, she doesn't want to be right.

It's far easier to just sit here and soothe Chloe back to sleep whenever she stirs. Easier to wait for Aubrey to come back - who, Beca has realised, must have some idea of what's been happening. She suspects this has been what all those Skype chats were about. If she confronts her directly, maybe she'll give Beca a straight answer. And if she doesn't, well. Beca doesn't mind arguing with  _Aubrey._ She's not worried about Aubrey dumping her, laughing in her face, and ruining her life.

Sometime around noon, when Beca's butt has long gone numb from sitting in the same spot for ages, Chloe wakes up a little more fully than usual. She stretches out alongside Beca, arm tightening around Beca briefly. She croaks, 'Hey.'

She seems to sense something is wrong immediately, perhaps because of the way Beca finds herself unable to respond in any manner. Her hand searches unsteadily over Beca's body, trying to find out its partner - finding it reluctant and resistant to being held. Chloe makes a valiant attempt at sitting up, but can't hold it for too long before sagging back into the bed.

'You okay?' she asks.

Beca tries to smile at her. It's not hard, in spite of the way she's feeling inside. Chloe does look rather amusing with her hair so mussed up, and pillow prints on her face. 'Yeah. Are you?'

'A little better,' says Chloe hoarsely, 'probably because you're here.'

That makes the smile disappear again. How can she say that if she's been messaging Kate behind her back, trying to salvage their relationship? 'Yeah.'

Chloe knows for sure something is up now. 'What's wrong?'

'There isn't, I ... Just go back to sleep.'

Chloe gazes up at her - to Beca's disappointment, her eyelids are already drooping. She's in no fit state to provide comfort, or reassure Beca that she's completely misinterpreted this whole situation. She tries to fill in the gaps herself -  _It's just the one text. Chloe loves you, she wouldn't cheat on you_  - but there's still that bit of doubt in her mind that secretly knows she doesn't believe any of the logical, reasoned arguments she has against this. It's frustrating, like those thoughts have been somehow soaped up and won't let her hold onto them firmly for more than a second.

And looking down at Chloe now, seeing her eyes staring back at, Beca doesn't think she could bear hearing if she's right or not from Chloe. The only thing she can agree with her mind on is that she should talk to Aubrey, instead.

'It's okay,' she insists. 'I'm just worried about you.'

Well, it's not a lie.

'Go back to sleep. It's fine.'

 _That's_  a lie.

But Chloe seems to believe it. She nods slowly, still not in this world. 'Okay,' she says, laying her head back down, forehead pressed against Beca's hip. 'Okay.' Showing her talent for falling asleep too quickly again, within moments she's unconscious again.

If nothing else, the fact that Chloe can fall asleep so quickly and deeply makes Beca feel a lot better about the fact that she can't stop herself from crying.

* * *

Not long after this conversation, Beca finally hears the door open and close and knows Aubrey is back.

Immediately (albeit still quietly, so as not to wake Chloe) Beca leaps out of bed and speeds into the living room. Aubrey looks up in alarm, to see Beca pink-cheeked, red-eyed and scowling at her. 'Outside,' she hisses furiously, pointing to the hallway.

It must be surprise that makes Aubrey actually listen to her directions for once, as she obediently walks back into the hallway. Beca is about to slam the front door, but thinks better of it - she doesn't want to wake Chloe and have her come investigating what all the noise is. Still, Aubrey does not look happy to be ordered around; she folds her arms, asking flatly, 'Mitchell,  _what_ are you doing?'

'I need to talk to you,' she says. She's been waiting for this for hours, but now she's got the chance to talk her tongue is tripping up over the words. Aubrey takes advantage of the lull in her brain processing power for more snark.

'Yes, I was rather hoping you had asked me to come out here for a reason, instead of just so you could gape unattractively at me.'

'Chloe got a text,' Beca says, deciding to not respond to Aubrey's sarcasm, and to just get to the point.

'Ah,' replies Aubrey, sounding bored. 'And what does that have to do with me?'

'A text from  _Kate_ ,' Beca goes on. 'You know, her ex-girlfriend?' Aubrey's face drops, all but confirming Beca's fears, but she still has more to say. 'She asked if they could meet up soon. I didn't see if they'd been messaging back and forth before and how long it's been going on for, but  _something_ tells me it's way more than just this time.'

'Kate messaged her?' Aubrey bites her lip absently, looking troubled. 'Are you  _sure_  it was her?'

'Yes.' She isn't.

'How?'

'I just know it is.'

'But how, though? You could be wrong.'

'I'm not wrong.'

'You're just making a baseless assumption based on one text message,' replies Aubrey. 'It could be anyone. You need to calm down and get a grip on yourself.'

Beca slams her fist into the wall, making Aubrey jump. The adrenaline that's been building all morning is beginning to peak, making her fingers tingle and her legs start to shake. 'I don't care, Aubrey, I  _know_  it's her!' Beca shouts; her voice cracks in the middle of the sentence. 'Did  _you_  know about this, anyway? Have you guys just been laughing about it behind my back?'

'No, Beca. Stop yelling, you'll wake her -'

'Is this how she wanted me to find out that she's cheating on me? She couldn't tell me herself?'

' _Beca_  -'

She's starting to cry. 'I can't believe this, and I can't believe you, Aubrey - I thought even if we're not properly friends you wouldn't let her do this to me - I trusted both of you -'

'Beca, be quiet for one minute!' Aubrey screeches; the surprising volume makes Beca falls silent and take a step back. She smiles mirthlessly. That jaw twitch is back. 'Are you going to listen to me now?'

'Depends,' says Beca. The anger is gone as quickly as it came. Humiliated, she wipes away her tears, hating that her righteous anger could translate so easily into crying. In front of  _Aubrey_. 'Are you going to actually say anything worse listening to?'

'Shut up,' Aubrey growls. 'Now. To answer your questions...  _No_ , we have not been talking about Chloe seeing Kate being your back. I am  _not_ done,' she interrupts, when Beca starts to speak. 'I let you rant about nothing, now it's my turn. There are several things wrong with everything you've been saying.' She counts them on her fingers. 'Number one: there is no way Chloe would be cheating. Number two: that's not what we've been discussing, anyway. And finally, number three: I didn't even know she was in contact with Kate, either, so how could  _we_ be talking about it?'

'You... didn't?' Aubrey shakes her head. 'But...' So does that mean there's something  _else_ Chloe has been keeping from her?

'Chloe wouldn't do that to you,' says Aubrey. 'For whatever reason, she does love you. And she doesn't cheat.'

'But then... What is it that she's refusing to tell me about? Which you guys keep talking about when I'm not there?'

'I can't tell you. But it's not about Kate. Or anything along those lines, for that matter.'

'So she doesn't cheat, but she's happy to keep other secrets from me? For "my own good"?' she spits, putting the last part in inverted commas. 'How the fuck is that okay?'

Aubrey hesitates. 'Well, I'm not going to say I agree with Chloe's decision not to tell you what's going on, Beca, because I don't. But as her best friend, I have to support her with it.'

'... Wow.' Beca closes her eyes. 'And does no one care about how I feel? How about how frustrating it is walking around like nothing's wrong, when Chloe is deliberately and obviously keeping shit from me?'

'She wouldn't do it if it wasn't in your best interest.'

'Wouldn't she?' says Beca skeptically.

' _No_.' Aubrey's denial is firm. 'Trust me. Although I think she should tell you about this, I know why she isn't - she doesn't want to worry you.'

'Maybe I  _want_ to be worried. At least I'd be in the loop, then.' Beca growls in frustration, pressing her fingers against her eyes where she can feel a potential migraine building. 'I just don't know what the hell is going on with her. I thought maybe a lot of it was due to exhaustion or illness, but now I feel like she's... slipping away, somehow. Which is dumb, because she's still right there.'

Aubrey chuckles slightly, and when Beca looks at her, she's smiling sadly. 'You too, huh?'

'What does that mean?'

'I feel the same way,' says Aubrey. 'Chloe's been distancing herself from me, too. That's why it was hard to see you guys together, being so coupley and happy - or so I thought. But it seems it's not just me, after all.'

'... Oh.' In a way, that  _is_ somewhat comforting; Beca hadn't realised, but she'd been thinking the same thing, too. That it was  _just_  her. That she was the one that was changing.

'Beca...' Aubrey looks like what she's about to say is paining her. 'Ah - I can't believe I'm saying this...'

'What?'

Aubrey screws her face up. 'Look... I know we've had our differences in the past, and we didn't always get on that well. But since you're now Chloe's girlfriend and it seems like you'll be sticking around...' She glances at Beca here, as though to verify this statement - Beca nods vigorously. Aubrey turns to stare at the wall. 'Since we both have Chloe as common ground but we're both struggling with what's going on with her right now... If you ever want to...' Aubrey trails off, but Beca knows what she means.

'Wait,' says Beca, holding up her hand. 'Is this a parallel universe?'

'Huh?'

'Never mind.' She studies Aubrey, but she seems genuine. 'Do you actually mean that?'

'Yes, I do. At least, I think so,' she says, crossing her arms. 'I don't know exactly what's going on with Chloe, but she's starting to behave more and more erratically ever since she graduated. And... I'm worried about her.'

'Yeah,' says Beca, sighing heavily. 'Same.'

'What are you going to do about Kate?' asks Aubrey, changing the subject.

'You know, for one amazing second, I actually forgot she was a problem.' Beca leans against the wall, wishing she had somewhere to sit down. Her legs don't feel like they can carry her anymore. 'I really don't know - I didn't think she'd actually contact Chloe again.' At Aubrey's confused look, Beca realises she's left an important detail out. 'I've known Kate was arounnd for a while - Luke mentioned that he was having problems with her. I was hoping she wasn't dumb enough to actually try and contact Chloe, but apparently I thought wrong...'

Aubrey arches an eyebrow. 'So you're angry at her for not telling you that Kate contacted her, but you didn't mention she had come back?'

'What would have been the point of that?'

'Maybe she could have used a warning,' Aubrey reminds her. 'Maybe you're wrong and Kate just messaged her out of the blue, today. Getting sudden messages from your ex is  _never_ fun.'

'Well - I didn't think Kate would  _actually_ contact her,' Beca splutters, although Aubrey is right, of course. 'I thought she didn't want anything to do with Chloe.'

'Well, you didn't know that, you just assumed,' Aubrey shoots back. 'Besides, couldn't you have just asked her directly instead of coming out to yell at me about it?'

'No.'

'Why not?'

'... I didn't want to be right.'

Aubrey rolls her eyes. 'God. I forget how young and naive you are, sometimes.'

'Gee, thanks.'

'I just mean that you have nothing to worry about with her and Kate. But you should probably hear that from her - by talking to her,' says Aubrey, with a pointed look at the door. When Beca looks pained, Aubrey rolls her eyes. 'Okay, somewhere along the line you need to learn how to communicate with your  _girlfriend_.'

'I know, I just... I'm worried,' Beca says, hardly able to believe she's admitting such a thing to Aubrey. 'I don't want to rock the boat in case I mess everything up.'

Aubrey gazes at her for a few moments, then sighs. 'Alright. Well, regardless of what happens, you  _have_ to go in there and talk to her yourself, because if you leave it then the boat is just going to sink. I'll stick around, though,' she adds, as an afterthought, when Beca looks put out. 'In case you need help getting Chloe's head on straight again. Figuratively speaking.'

Beca snorts, but she knows Aubrey means well. ''Kay. Thanks.' She reaches out her hand to Aubrey. Aubrey gazes at it like Beca is going to infect her; Beca just rolls her eyes and indicates what she wants her to do. Cautiously, Aubrey meets Beca's fist with hers, flushing slightly as she does so; Beca smirks. 'Did we just have a moment?'

'Oh for God's sake, just get in there!'

* * *

She makes sure to be quiet when she opens the door, but Chloe doesn't stir, even when Beca perches on the end of the bed.

Maybe this is a bad idea. Does she really want to bring this up and potentially ruin everything? She can easily just pretend she hasn't seen. After all, what if it turns out that she's wrong after all, and it's some other Kate? She'll look like an idiot, and probably come across like some jealous, possessive girlfriend going through Chloe's texts as well. But then again, the whole situation with Kate hardly counts as a "normal" seeing-a-message-from-an-ex kind of thing, anyway, so surely Beca is entitled to be a little concerned.

Maybe Beca would leave it if this was the only time she'd felt like Chloe was keeping things back from her. But Aubrey seems sure that this isn't what they've been talking about in hushed tones on Skype, which means there's  _something else_ she's not telling her. Something big, probably, or she would have said already.

Perhaps she's sick - but no, Beca remembers with some relief, she'd promised that no one was in danger. She hopes she can trust Chloe on that, at least... But part of her still wonders. It almost feels like she doesn't even know Chloe anymore. The Chloe she used to know would never have kept stuff back from her. In fact, she was probably open to a fault about her feelings. What's changed since then and now?

They have, Beca realises, beginning to feel a bit sick. They're in a relationship now - it has to be about  _them_. That's the only thing that's different, now.

Or is Beca just being her usual paranoid self? Chloe's in there somewhere. And she  _probably_ wouldn't cuddle up to Beca the way she did this morning or call her in the middle of the night if she was planning on them breaking up.

Overreacting, as usual.

'What's up?' Chloe mumbles, giving Beca enough of a fright that she nearly falls off the bed. How much has she heard? Is it possible to hear the conversations going on in the corridor from this bedroom? Probably. Although Chloe did sleep through Aubrey's banging on the door this morning, so she can't really tell.

When she's righted herself, Beca asks cautiously, 'How long have you been awake?'

'A while,' Chloe replies tiredly, rolling onto her back and stretching her limbs until they pop. 'Woke up and you weren't here... You were gone for ages.'

'Whelp. I'm here now.' The smile she gives Chloe attempts to be something along the lines of optimistic and caring, but as usual, Beca's inability to do more than just bare her teeth comes back to bite her. Chloe only has to look at her to know something's wrong.

'Where'd you go, anyway?'

Beca takes a breath, dropping her head. She chooses her next words delicately. 'I was talking to Aubrey.'

'Really? You guys are being oddly buddy-buddy at the moment.' Chloe is watching her, taking in the nervous bounce of Beca's leg and the way she keeps taking deep breaths, over and over, in a fruitless attempt to stabilise herself. 'Okay, you're still acting weird. What's the matter?'

She stares at Chloe, trying to work out what to do. Does she  _really_ want to do this? It could all horribly, horribly go wrong.

 _Yes_ , says a little voice in her head which sounds disturbingly like Aubrey. Come on. Just say it. It's not as bad as you're imagining.

When Beca still is unable to speak, Chloe struggles up into a seated position. 'Hey... What's up?' She fumbles for Beca's hand, probably finding it cold and clammy. 'You're scaring me.'

'It's nothing.'

'It's obviously not if you're getting like this.' She reaches out to smooth the muscles of Beca's forehead, trying to push away the tension there. 'You can tell me anything, you know that.'

Can she? Beca isn't so sure. 'Look... You got a message earlier, while I was setting up the movie, so it came up on your screen. I didn't  _want_ to read it, but I kinda saw the name, and I thought...' She bites down on her lip, hard. Why is this so difficult? 'You have a message from someone called Kate. And... she wants to meet you.'

'... Oh. When did she send that?'

Chloe's lack of an instant denial that it's not the same Kate that Beca is thinking of pretty much confirms it for her - it is Kate. 'This morning.'

'Aha.' Her expression becomes veiled, and she says nothing more - merely gazing down at the comforter with a slightly faraway look on her face.

'Has she messaged before?' She almost doesn't want to know - and Chloe's nodding, oh God.

'Yes. Yesterday.'

'And... Did you reply?'

Chloe nods silently.

'Chloe,' says Beca. It's a struggle to keep her voice level when she feels like she's the one going to throw up on the carpet next. ' _Why_ are you talking to her?'

'She messaged me... So I replied.'

'And you didn't think about, you know, telling  _me_?'

'Why should I have?'

' _What_?'

Chloe flinches at Beca's tone, which was more out of surprise than anything else. 'Don't yell at me,' she mutters, rubbing at her temples. 'I'm not talking to you about if you're going to get angry.'

'I'm  _not_ angry,' she says - but God, she is, she really is. She can feel it bubbling up under her skin again, her muscles tightening. It feels almost like the beginnings of one of the (rare) panic attacks she's had in the past, but this time seems to center in her gut, not her chest. Something's going to go wrong. She can tell. 'Just tell me what happened.'

'Nothing much, really. She only messaged for the first time yesterday. And then you and I argued yesterday and I've been ill all day, so it's not like I've had time to tell you.'

It slips out before she can check it. 'Oh, how convenient.'

'Don't even, Beca,' Chloe says. She lays back down again, pulling the duvet over her head with a tired groan. 'I don't have the energy for this... There's no need to get jealous.'

'It's not about jealousy!' Beca barks, ripping it back down to expose Chloe again with shaking hands. She can't bear to not see Chloe's face while all this is happening, too scared that she might secretly be grinning or laughing to herself while Beca can't look. In the end it doesn't make much difference; normally, Chloe's such an open book, but right now she's barely showing any emotion at all. 'I'm  _worried,_ for God's sake! You can't honestly be talking to her again. Don't you remember what she did to you?'

'Of course I do,' Chloe retorts. She shuts her eyes, pressing her face halfway into the pillow. 'Much more than you do, in fact. And I know what I'm doing.'

'And what is it it you're doing, exactly?'

She replies shortly, 'Talking. She sent me a message. I replied. That's all.'

'A mesage about what?'

'Just about her life, and what's going on with her. I think she might have changed, at least a little.' Chloe seems oddly calm about all this, while Beca feels like her head is splitting in two. It's like Chloe doesn't even notice, or maybe doesn't even care. Neither prospect is particularly comforting. 'She wants to meet up with me and to talk.'

'And? Are you going to?' she demands.

Chloe shrugs, barely a tiny movement of her shoulders. 'Maybe.'

'What?!' Beca exclaims. ' _Why_? What's the point?'

'You haven't even met her,' says Chloe quietly, 'I don't know why you're so angry.'

'It doesn't matter. I've seen what she did to you and how it affected you, and that's enough for me to know it's a bad idea.' When Chloe shrugs again, Beca wants to claw at her face out of frustration. She wants Chloe to stop being so blasé about it, especially when she herself feels like she's losing control. Her distant attitude just makes things worse. 'Don't let her manipulate you into doing what she wants you to do.'

Chloe's head snaps up, her eyes flashing. Perversely, Beca almost feels something akin to satisfaction, because she's finally  _reacting_ , and Beca feels a tiny bit less like she's the only one who actually gives a shit about their relationship. 'I'm not,' she snaps. 'I'm seeing what she has to say, then making a decision.'

'And what decision do you need to make?' It's obvious what it is from Chloe's face. She wants to meet her. In her rising panic, the barbs fall easily from Beca's lips: ' _Why_ would you even want her back in your life? What, you're bored of me so you want another basket case to fix?'

Chloe's jaw drops, and the spark of anger in her gaze goes out, to be replaced by hurt. So much hurt, which she put there - no, no, no. Stop this. What is Beca  _doing_? Why is she ruining everything even more? It's no wonder Chloe's distancing herself if this is how she behaves.

Beca dreads Chloe's next words and the brutal cutdown she's expecting, but somehow what she actually says is much worse. 'I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that,' she says, her voice wavering, 'because that was a really,  _really_ hurtful thing to say. About all three of us.'

Beca flushes with shame at the disappointment she can hear, hanging her head. She runs her fingers through her hair in frustration, trying to get a grip on herself. She's such a fucking asshole. 'I'm sorry. God, I'm  _sorry_. I didn't mean that. Fuck... I'm sorry.'

She gazes at Beca mournfully for a few moments, but then seems to mentally sigh... And let it go. How the fuck does she do that? Beca would be bouncing off the walls if Chloe had been that rude to her.

She pats the bed next to her to tell Beca to come closer - when she shuffles just a little bit over, Chloe shakes her head. At Beca's confused look, she lifts the covers for her again, much like she did before.

'Really?' Chloe nods. She doesn't have to be told twice - in seconds she's back in bed with Chloe, sinking into her embrace gratefully, feeling suddenly exhausted. 'I'm an idiot,' Beca mumbles into the skin of Chloe's neck. She's still overly warm - Beca feels even worse when she remembers how sick Chloe is, and that she just unloaded all of that on her when she's barely slept or eaten in about a day. At least she seems a little closer to a normal temperature now.

'You aren't an idiot,' Chloe tells her, putting her hand on Beca's back soothingly.

'I am. I'm always doing that, the bitchy, sarcastic thing... I'm sorry,' she says again, turning her head to rest her forehead against Chloe's.

'Well... Yeah, it kind of sucks a lot for me when you do that. But one apology is enough,' says Chloe gently. She cups Beca's face. 'Look... I get that you're not happy about this, but I promise, I  _was_ planning to tell you what was happening, before I got sick. It just went out of my mind, with everything else going on.'

Beca just nods. She's opened her big mouth enough already.

'And I know you don't want me to meet her. But I'll be honest with you... This is something I  _really_ need to do.' She wants to ask, but thankfully Chloe knows what she's thinking. 'For closure, I guess,' she says. 'It's been a while and there's a lot of stuff about what happens that still affects me. I have to see her, if only to punch her in the face.' Beca smiles at that. 'Beca... I have to do this. I  _want_ to do this.'

Well, after that, she can hardly so no, can she?

'Fine,' she says in the end, albeit very reluctantly, and despite the squeezing presence of worry in her belly. 'But I'm coming too.'

'I was going to suggest that, anyway.' Chloe kisses her on the top of the head. 'Are you okay?'

How does she always know? 'I dunno - I guess not.'

'What's the matter?

'Oh, you know, the usual,' Beca says vaguely, because anything more would probably give it away from the shaking of her voice. She doesn't want to be the kind of person that always brings the subject back to themselves - because this is very much  _not_ about Beca, despite how much she keeps trying to make it so.

Chloe pulls back, and her expression softens. 'Must be something more than usual, what with the face you're giving me right now.' Her thumb tracks the path of a tear that's escaped from Beca's left eye without her permission.

Beca rubs vigorously at her face before any more errant tears can rebel against her, annoyed at herself for always being so see-through where Chloe is concerned. Life would be far easier if she could simply get rid of her emotions and exist as some sort of empty shell. But no, turns out she is actually irritatingly human. 'It's nothing, honestly. Just worrying, as per normal.'

She taps the side of Beca's head. 'Any of those you want to hand over to me?'

'Any of  _yours_ that you want to hand over to  _me_?' Beca retorts. 'Your plate seems pretty full of stuff, yet I'm sure I only know about half of it.'

'Well, I don't want to bore you or worry you anything.'

'I wouldn't be bored.'

Chloe smiles. Now that the immediate drama with Beca is over, she seems even more exhausted than she did before. 'No, but you would worry. Let's not get into that now, there's no point.'

'But -'

'Please, Beca,' Chloe interjects, her forehead creasing. 'Lately, when I'm with you, it's the only time I feel vaguely  _normal_. I just want to keep it that way and have somewhere I can go where I don't feel like my head is going to explode.'

Beca falls silent, gazing into Chloe's eyes. She certainly understands the feeling of only feeling normal when Chloe is around - but she just wishes it didn't have to come at the expense of keeping Beca out of the loop entirely. It almost gives her the feeling that she doesn't trust Beca, somehow.

'Maybe I can help you,' Beca says quietly, hating how vulnerable she sounds. 'Maybe I could, if you'd let me.'

'There's nothing you can help me  _with_. I can handle it without you, anyway,' Chloe says tersely - but then they both flinch at her wording, thinking back to the day before. She licks her lips nervously, and starts, 'I didn't -'

'I know.'

'But really, I didn't -'

'I  _know_ , Chloe.' She does. But that doesn't make it any easier to hear that Chloe doesn't even want to consider letting Beca in to help her.

Beca turns her head away, glancing at the bedside clock, seeing that it's coming up to lunchtime. The words come out in a rush, because she just needs to not be in this bed again. '... You know, you've not eaten since you threw up earlier. I'll go get you something - crackers or whatever.'

She hops out of bed without another word to Chloe. But she doesn't call Beca back, either.

Somehow, that seems horribly appropriate.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the next installment of Doormat And EmotionallyCrippled, there will be Kate. Fair warning. She is not a fun character.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, apologies for the massive delay in updating! I've been in exam mode for the last six weeks or so and only just finished, and this chapter proved particularly hard to write. Hopefully it's worth the wait :)
> 
> Also, pushing on that M rating a little in this chapter...

'Would you stop pacing?' Aubrey complains, her eyes following Beca back and forth. 'You're making me dizzy.'

'I can't help it.'

'Then go pace outside instead. Lord knows you could do with the exercise - I'm betting you don't do cardio with the Bellas anymore.'

She decides not to respond to that last part. 'No. It's freezing out there.'

'Then bring a coat, jeez. Just stop marching around like some sort of crazed animal.' She doesn't, and in fact exaggerates her movements to be even more like a "crazed animal"; Aubrey sighs in annoyance. 'Why are  _you_ so worked up, anyway? Surely if anyone should be burning a hole in the carpet, it's Chloe, not you.'

'Seriously? I'm meeting her  _ex_ ,' Beca says, pushing her hands through her hair as she does another lap of the room. Chloe is in her bedroom getting ready, so she and Aubrey are talking in hushed tones so as not to attract her attention. It's getting harder and harder to keep the adrenaline at bay, hence her pacing. 'I know practically nothing about her besides what Chloe has told me, and a few texts she let me see. I have no idea what I'm letting myself in for.'

'She's a bitch, and she hurt Chloe,' replies Aubrey bluntly. 'That's all you need to know.'

'Well, duh, but what is she  _like_? Is she a complete psycho that will jump over the table and throw burning coffee in my eyes as soon as I get there? Or is she a quiet killer kind of person, and she'll just sit there in silence until I get distracted, and then  _BAM!_ Oh no, she's just stabbed me in the face?'

The look Aubrey gives her is the same exasperated expression Chloe often has when Beca's being like this, but it's missing her usual fondness. '"Bam"?'

'Well, I don't know what noise stabbing makes, do I?'

'Oh, give me strength,' says Aubrey, burying her face in one of Chloe's cushions for a moment as though it might actually have some strength-giving powers. 'Beca, you knew this was coming, and you agreed to go with her - you can't back out now.'

'And I'm not trying to!' Beca whisper-yells, glaring at Aubrey. 'But that doesn't stop me being worried about what I'm up against!'

'She's just a girl - granted, one who hurt Chloe a lot, but she's not a murderer. Besides, she's nothing to  _you_.'

'Of course she is. She's Chloe's ex girlfriend.'

 _'You're_ Chloe's girlfriend now,' Aubrey snaps. 'Stop being selfish - Chloe needs you to be there for her today, and she won't have that if all you're doing is worrying about yourself. And for God's sake, sit down already, you're driving me crazy!' Aubrey launches the frilly cushion she was just holding at Beca; it barely misses her, and, narrowly, one of Chloe's favourite photo frames of the Bellas. 'Oops.'

It does its job in distracting Beca, however, as she suddenly can longer find the energy to pace. She sits down heavily on the couch next to Aubrey, legs tingling from all the sudden movement. 'I'm telling Chloe you just did that.'

'She'd never believe you.' Even so, Aubrey gets up and replaces the cushion guiltily. As she's putting it back into place, she throws an appraising look back at Beca. 'You know, you're being especially stupid today. Why is that? I thought you were okay with this.'

' _I_  don't know,' replies Beca, biting down on the nail of her thumb. 'I thought I was, too.'

'Well, I suppose it's natural to be a bit nervous,' says Aubrey. 'Maybe I should go with you guys. I'd love to meet this Kate character, and make her regret the day she ever messed Chloe around.'

'By doing what, vomiting on her?' She's not even bothered by the way Aubrey glares in response to that remark, because her patience for this conversation is wearing thin. It was nice of Aubrey to extend her trip so she could help Beca take care of Chloe while she was sick, and be around for when she met Kate, but she and Aubrey have perhaps spent a bit too much time together recently in their attempts to spend time with Chloe.

'Well, what are  _you_ going to do?' Aubrey shoots back. 'Stab her with your ear spike?'

'Nothing,' says Beca flatly. 'Chloe's going to do most of the talking. I'm just going to sit there and look threatening.'

Aubrey snorts. 'You couldn't look threatening if you tried.'

'Screw you.'

It's a weak response: Aubrey seems almost disappointed. But she goes on, 'Anyway, are you sure it's a good idea to just let Chloe handle it all on her own?'

'Of course,' Beca replies, a tad defensively on Chloe's behalf, and her own for the comment about her ability to look threatening. 'I mean, I'm not happy about her having to do handle it, but she can do it.' She gazes at Aubrey carefully. 'You don't agree, do you?'

'It's not that I don't think she can handle it,' Aubrey says, dropping her voice lower and glancing towards the bedroom. 'It's just... Well, Chloe likes to make everyone think she has it all together and she knows what she's doing, but...' She winces. 'Chloe's fragile, sometimes.'

Beca is silent for a moment, and then states, 'Sorry, Aubrey, that sounds like a load of bullshit to me.'

'What?'

'Chloe's pretty sensitive sometimes, I'll give you that. But she's also really strong at the same time, you know? Even when things are really shitty she can almost always keep her head up and see the silver lining. The only thing is, she spends a lot of her time trying to please other people and make them happy, so she sometimes plays down her own problems, or ... hides...' Beca trails off, sighing as something hits her. 'Shit. I think I know what's going on with Chloe.'

'You do?' says Aubrey, alarmed.

'She's been hiding stuff from me, right? But I don't think she'd be doing that just to be a dick to me. And if she's not doing  _that_ , she must be going through something, but trying to hide it because she's worried it'll upset me or make me worried.' She looks at Aubrey, pleased with her deduction, but she's putting her hand to her forehead.

'Beca... That's  _exactly_ what  _we've_ been telling you all along.'

'... Oh.'

'Remind me why we made you captain again if your observation and listening skills are this bad?' Aubrey rolls her eyes. 'But yes, you're right. And that's why I keep saying you need to be the strong one today, because if she starts thinking she needs to take care of you instead, she'll completely ignore her own needs.' She frowns at Chloe's bedroom door. 'Speaking of Chloe... She's been in there a really long time. Do you think she's okay?'

Beca, still mulling over what Aubrey just said and batting down an ever-growing sinking feeling, takes a moment to realise Aubrey just asked her something. 'Probably not,' Beca admits, 'but I don't really want to go get her, since I'm not that eager to leave, either.' She jumps when Aubrey puts a hand on her shoulder, not expecting the contact. 'What are you doing?'

'Comforting you. God.'

'Well, can you do it  _without_ touching me?'

'And I thought I was high-strung... Look, it's all going to be fine,' Aubrey tells her. 'And I wouldn't say that to you if I didn't think so. But first, you have to pull your head out of your ass and stop worrying so much, because  _Chloe needs you_.' She stresses this last part, looking at Beca like a stern parent. 'I know that you're anxious about what might happen, but think how  _she_ must be feeling.'

She could argue, just for the sake of it, and because it's Aubrey. But Beca knows full well that she has absolutely no legs to stand on, here. She knows Aubrey is right: if she's worried, then Chloe must be feeling it ten times worse. She shouldn't be making it about her: she's just being selfish by thinking about her own feelings over Chloe's. Ironically ,the realisation seems to make her feel even worse.

'I hate when you're right,' growls Beca.

'You mean all the time?'

Thankfully - for Aubrey, anyway - she's saved from a sarcastic retort by Beca's phone ringing. She raises an eyebrow when she sees who it is. 'It's Jesse... Hey loser,' she greets him, rather confused. 'What's up?

'Hey!' comes Jesse's excited voice on the other end. 'Where are you?'

'Uh... At Chloe's. Why?'

'You're still at Chloe's? You're cutting it pretty fine, aren't you? You're going to have to run all the way here.'

'What are you talking ab -' Beca's eyes widen, as she remembers. 'Fuck!'

Jesse seems to understand immediately why she just swore. 'You forgot, didn't you.'

'Jesse, I'm sorry, it went completely out of my mind -'

'Beca, we planned this  _ages_ ago!' Beca does vaguely recollect Jesse going on about some movie or other that he was really excited about and asking her to come with him because it was history in the making and she absolutely  _had_ to see it, but she might have been texting Chloe simultaneously. Shit.  _'How_ could you forget?'

'I know, I know. I'm a massive dick.' She groans, pressing her hand against her forehead. 'I'm seriously really sorry, dude.'

'Ugh - okay, we can talk about how you can make it up to me another time,' he says. 'Look, we've missed the showing I wanted us to see, but if you leave now and really hustle, we could still catch the next one.'

'Ah...' she says, feeling even more guilty as he makes a noise of annoyance. 'About that. I've kind of got something really important to do today...'

She can practically hear his eyes roll.  _'_ Of course. What is it?'

'Well, Chloe's -'

'Oh, of course it's  _Chloe_ you're blowing me off for.'

His tone grates on her already frayed nerves. 'Look, I said I was sorry for missing our thing, but you don't need to get butthurt because the thing I'm doing is with my girlfriend instead of you, Jesse.'

'I think I'm allowed to be a bit "butthurt" if we made plans a month ago and you're now only telling me about this super important thing you have to do today!'

'The details only got finalised a few days ago. We're meeting Kate today.'

That makes him stop huffing. 'You are?'

'Yeah, and Jess, I  _can't_ let Chloe go alone.'

'What, and they just happened to organise a meeting on the day we were meant to meet up?'

'Oh, for the love of...  _No_ , it's just how things happened. I don't have time to argue you with you right now - I'll talk to you later.'

'Wait - give me the phone,' hisses Aubrey suddenly, making a grab for it. She nearly knocks it out of Beca's hands in her haste.

'What? No!'

Jesse says, 'Who's that?'

'Aubrey,' Beca replies, trying to block Aubrey's path to the phone with her body.

'Aubrey Posen? Why is she there?' He sounds suspicious. 'Are you sure it's a Kate thing you're blowing me off for?'

' _Yes_. She was here already visiting Chloe. And she wants me to give her the phone.'

'Why?'

'I don't know, she's weird.' Jesse makes a sound of agreement, and for once he and Beca have a united front. But Aubrey snatches the phone off Beca and presses it to her ear.

'Hello, Jesse. This is Aubrey. Look, I know Beca can be rather pigheaded and scatter-brained sometimes -' Beca glares at her - 'But I can vouch for her. Kate wasn't being very accommodating, and Chloe couldn't get any other time off work. She wanted to see Chloe ASAP.' Aubrey hums. 'I know, I would be disappointed too... The trailers did look rather spectacular.'

'What are you guys  _doing_ in here?' Chloe's voice comes from in the doorway; she's staring at Aubrey. 'Who is Aubrey talking to on the phone?'

'Jesse.'

'What? Why?'

'I have  _no_ idea. At first she was defending me, now I feel like she's putting the moves on my best friend.'

'Yeah, I'm a fan of his work as well - shut up, Beca!' snaps Aubrey, overhearing that last part.

'See?' Chloe doesn't smile. 'You okay?' asks Beca, getting up to join her. Chloe lifts Beca's arms and wraps them around her, pressing her face into Beca's neck. She's trembling a bit, and although she's past that short bout of illness now, Beca is concerned some of its effects are still lingering. 'Are you sure you're well enough for this?'

'I don't know,' she whispers. 'I feel so sick.'

'We can cancel.'

'I can't... I need to see her.'

'Are you sure? Because honestly, it's not too late.'

'Beca please,' she says, voice wavering. 'I already feel unsure about this as it is - don't make it any worse.'

A comment like that stings. But she remembers what Aubrey said about not making it about her, and forces herself to push that down and ttakes a deep breath. 'Right. Sorry. Uh... What can I do to help, then?'

She squeezes Beca, the hands on her back cold even through the material of her shirt. 'Just this.'

'That's all? I guess I can do that.' She pulls Chloe in a little tighter, feeling more like she's holding her  _up_ than just holding her. She feels rather useless, just doing this, but she supposes if that's all Chloe thinks she needs, that's what she should give her.

'God, they're really getting into it,' murmurs Chloe. Beca looks around, and sure enough, Aubrey is chatting away to Jesse. She and Chloe share a glance.

'I swear to God, if something starts up, I'll kill both of them.'

'Maybe it's not like that,' she says. 'Maybe it's the thrill of finally being able to talk to a Treble.'

'Did you forget about Unicycle? I think she's had that thrill already.'

'Oh, yeah.' She and Chloe share another look, and tacitly agree to stay the hell out of this one. Thankfully, Aubrey seems to be finishing up as they watch.

'What the hell was  _that_  about?' says Beca, as Aubrey hands the phone back.

'I'm going to see that movie with Jesse.'

'What?' Beca exclaims. 'Why?'

'Well, what else do you propose I do? Stay here all on my own?' She shrugs. 'The way I see it, Jesse and I are in a similar boat, since you guys are doing other things.'

Beca is irritated by this comment, especially as Aubrey made such a fuss about her bringing things back to herself. However, Chloe looks troubled. 'Bree...' She detaches from Beca, walking over to Aubrey to give her a hug. 'I'm so sorry, I know I've barely been able to spend time with you lately. It's just that everything's such a mess lately -'

Aubrey, thankfully, cuts Chloe off with a gentle little tap on her shoulder. 'It's fine, Chlo. There's no need to apologise - I just don't want to stay here on my own, that's all.' She looks over at Beca. 'You better take care of her, Mitchell,' Aubrey says, mock-threateningly, but Beca can see the worry in her eyes. 'Or you'll have me to answer to.'

She smiles as reassuringly as she can, even though inside her heart is already picking up speed. 'Don't worry. I think I'd be answering to myself, too.'

* * *

Since finding out she existed, Beca has honestly never spared much time to think of what Chloe's ex-girlfriend might look like. She'd been given basic details by Chloe: blonde, blue eyes, and, in Chloe's vague words, "super skinny". When Beca does picture her, her mental image is usually akin to a female Luke (minus the six-pack, stubble and penchant for beanies) - tall and grumpy looking. Descriptions of her personality have in recent times made Beca imagine her with a pair of devil horns creeping out from beneath her hair, or at least some sort of sinister tattoo, because only overtly evil people can  _ever_ hurt Chloe intentionally, as far as Beca is concerned.

But as they're walking up to meet Kate, this question can't help but cross Beca's mind - what  _does_ she look like? What features would Chloe have even been attracted to about her? Blonde is completely different to Beca's hair, of course, but blue eyes and skinny sounds suspiciously like herself now that she thinks about it. Is that what Chloe is into? Blue eyes and skinny girls? She supposes there's nothing particularly suspicious about that, given that they're common features, but it does make her wonder about what sort of things Chloe likes, physically, about a person. They've never talked about types or taste, and Tom isn't exactly much to go by; does Beca fit Chloe's "type", or is she the exception to the rule?

It shouldn't matter, but it does. Ever since Chloe showed her some of her old messages from Kate, and Chloe had made a comment about something she and Chloe's ex-girlfriend actually had in common: in particular, some of Kate's more abrasive behaviour.

Beca had shuddered to read them even before that comment. She could barely go a full sentence without knocking Chloe down. 'Can we meet up today? not seen you in ages,' Chloe would text, and Kate would reply something along the lines of, 'I dunno. Might be meeting up with Louise.' Louise, according to Chloe, was one of the first few girls Kate had cheated with - she listed off a whole load of girls on her fingers. And she knew  _all_ of their names.

'Kidding,' Kate would text back, when enough time had passed that she could be sure Chloe had both read the text and begun to get upset. 'I suppose we can meet up, if you really want, but I can't stay too long. I guess you'll have to make it worth my while? ;)'

'She was always like this?' Beca had asked, disgusted, scrolling through the messages and trying to ignore the more explicit ones without much luck. Chloe had nodded. 'Fucking hell.'

'I know. But she could be sweet, too,' she said, stopping Beca's scrolling to point out one in particular. She read it, and had to turn away to gag.

'That's not sweet,' Beca exclaimed. She pushed the phone away, unable to read anymore. 'That's like a cross between a a Hallmark card and some creepy-ass porn movie.'

'She was so grouchy the rest of the time, I guess it counted as sweet for her.' Chloe had shrugged, and then said offhandedly, 'I suppose you and her are a bit alike in that way.'

Beca had spluttered, Chloe's eyes had widened as she realised how offensive that sounded. She'd spent the next hour or so trying to apologise for the comment; she'd brushed off each of the apologies, but the damage had already been done. Even now, she keeps thinking about it: Beca has always thought herself witty or amusingly pessimistic, but Kate's behaviour in those texts just seems annoying at best, deliberately hurtful at worst. The thought of acting the slightest bit like someone who had the power to make Chloe appear  _this_ pale and sickly brings a little kick of nausea to her own stomach.

She glances over at said girl now, who has been gradually reducing her walking pace to an aching, reluctant crawl over the last five minutes. At this point, she's barely moving her legs anymore. Beca nudges her. Chloe glances over.

'Hey,' says Beca, wanting to say or do  _anything_ to make this situation less tense and unbearable.

'... Hi,' Chloe croaks out eventually.

'You doing okay?'

The question seems to trigger something in Chloe, because she stops in the middle of the path. Someone nearly bumps into her and shoots her an annoyed look, but she ignores it. 'No,' Chloe mumbles.

'What's the matter?'

'... I don't want to do this anymore.'

Beca scratches her head, a little confused by the sudden change of heart. 'You want to go back?'

'Yes,' replies Chloe, but then follows it immediately with, 'No.' She shakes her head, and shuts her eyes. 'Honestly, I'd just like her to go away and leave me alone.'

'You and me both. So...' Beca licks her lips, rocking back and forth a little on her heels: unsure what to do. 'Home?' she asks hopefully.

Chloe seems to be seriously considering it for a few moments. Eventually, however, she says, 'No... I can't. That'd just be giving up. I at least want to hear what bullshit she has to say.'

'Alright.' The atmosphere turns awkward and tense again: Chloe doesn't move, and Beca kicks a stone across into a drain to try and ease some of her own discomfort. Chloe doesn't look at all confident about her decision, and Beca desperately wants to take away that lost look in her eyes. 'You know, I'm...' She clears her throat, feeling her cheeks heat up in anticipation of what hamfisted thing she's going to say. 'Look, I know I've been - well, yeah, about the whole thing with Kate -' (she makes a vague hand gesture, hoping that conveyed words such as "assholey, neurotic and paranoid" sufficiently), '... But I keep thinking about what you said, about me and Kate being similar.'

'You know I didn't mean it like that,' Chloe interrupts, looking upset. 'I didn't mean to make it sound like you were anything like her. You aren't.'

'I know,' says Beca, crossing her arms, as the way Chloe is staring at her makes her feel oddly vulnerable. 'But I keep thinking about it. And I don't want you to have to compare us on any level, ever again.'

'I said I was sorry.'

'I don't want you to apologise - that's not what I meant. God, this is coming out all wrong,' says Beca, rubbing her temples. She needs this to be right. 'Basically, I'm proud of you,' she says on an exhalation, trying her best to make eye-contact. 'That you're doing this.'

Chloe freezes. 'You are?'

'Yes,' she says, with a definitive nod. 'And - and I'm here for you, Chlo. And I'll help, however I can. Just tell me what to do.'

She begins to panic and worry that she said something wrong when Chloe's eyes start going rather glassy. Unsure of anything else she can do to make it better, she holds her arms out helplessly to Chloe and nearly falls over (narrowly missing yet another innocent pedestrian) when Chloe throws herself into them.

'Thank you - you don't know how much I've needed to hear you say that,' Chloe whispers into her ear.

'You shouldn't have to thank me.' She's not sure where all this is coming from, as it's not something she could dream of articulating before. 'I should just be  _there_  without you even needing to think about it. You shouldn't have to keep stuff from me because you're trying to protect me, or stop me worrying - you should be able to trust me. And I'm sorry I haven't been someone that you could trust.'

'I  _can_ trust you, Beca, it's just...'

'It doesn't matter,' says Beca quickly. 'I guess I haven't really shown that I deserve that trust. But I'm going to try and change that - I promise.'

Chloe pulls back, looking at Beca in wonder. 'Who are you, and what have you done with the old Beca?'

'Something Aubrey and I were talking about kind of clicked with me, I guess.'

'Huh. Remind me to thank her.'

'I will.' Beca can still feel her pulse racing with  _something_ akin to panic or adrenaline; it takes a few seconds to realise what it is that's building up in her chest and making her heart do somersaults, and when she does, she's never felt more like a cheesy romcom. But she goes with it anyway, for once in her damn life. 'Chloe... I lo -' Chloe's eyebrows shoot up as the words nearly come out, but trip on her tongue at the last moment, again. Frustrated, the next time she tries she can't even start to form the words, too self-conscious. 'Fuck,' she says, throwing her hands up. 'You know what I'm going to say anyway, right?'

Chloe smiles, smoothing the frown out on Beca's forehead with her thumbs. 'Oh?'

'Yep. You do - it's something like this.' She shows Chloe an ill-formed heart shape with her hands, recalling how the Bellas used to laugh at her inability to do this simple shape during rehearsals. Beca can do it now, but intentionally messes it up to make Chloe laugh, and thankfully she does just that. 'Only it's less like a turnip.'

'You're a dork. You know that?'

'Yeah... But you turnip it.'

* * *

After that little break, Chloe seems calmer and able to move again. It makes walking up a little easier. Unfortunately, all levity or thoughts of turnips or love goes out of Beca's head, when she sees Kate for the first time.

Even from this far away, Kate is distinctive: she's the only blonde scowling down at her phone like it's offended her, occasionally pulling her leather jacket a little tighter around her when the wind picks up. At first, it's a fitting picture for the mental image Beca had built up from what she knows about Kate's aloof behaviour, but seeing it in the flesh almost makes her laugh at how absurdly typical it is. She might as well have "bitch" written on her forehead.

As they get closer and Beca can see her more clearly, however, the image starts to fall apart. For one, Kate is shorter than Beca had been anticipating - not as short as Beca (not many people are) but still closer to herself than Chloe in terms of height. In a way she finds this somewhat more comforting than if she were some six foot giant, but it sort of throws off the tall, willowy model she'd been picturing Chloe dating. In fact, she's pretty ordinary looking - she has a little smattering of  _freckles_ across her nose, for heaven's sake. Hardly a demon. And hardly like Beca at all, she realises with some relief, except for her blue eyes which are even completely devoid of make-up. No black eyeliner in sight.

Although, her features are definitely on par for Beca's in how angular they are - perhaps surpassing her in having a well-defined jaw line, she thinks rather grumpily - but maybe that's a side-effect of Kate being as thin as she is.

And she is. She's  _really_ fucking thin. It's the most striking thing about her to be honest - the words that come to mind are "gaunt", or perhaps "seriously freaking ill". It seems to Beca that this hasn't always been the case, because she hears Chloe stifle a gasp as the two of them finally see Kate properly for the first time. Either way, Kate's appearance makes for a disturbing first impression, especially when her lips curl up in either a horrible attempt at a smile or hiding a grimace when she notices them. And especially when she notices Beca.

'Who's  _this_?' is the first thing Kate says. The look she's giving Beca right now is akin to one a normal person would give to a cockroach crawling over their shoes. Beca glares back, Kate's startling appearance forgotten as she immediately takes a more pronounced dislike to the girl. Not that she didn't dislike her before, but previously it was always on Chloe's behalf; now it's on her own terms.

'This is my girlfriend, Beca,' Chloe explains, squeezing Beca's hand. Her skin is damp with sweat. She holds back tightly nonetheless, defiantly meeting Kate's eyes and daring her to comment. 'I'm sorry for not telling you I was bringing her - it was a bit of a last minute thing.'

Kate raises an eyebrow, scanning up and down Beca. Her eyes settle on Beca's Barden University sticker on her bag **.** She snorts, flips her straggly hair back, and stalks off inside.

Chloe watches her go, and says under her breath, 'God, she looks awful.'

'Never mind that,' says Beca. 'Are  _you_ alright?'

'Yeah, of course.' She raises her eyebrows in disbelief, given that Chloe's face is unusually pale right now and she's still clutching Beca's hand like it's a lifeline. Still she insists, 'Really - I'm fine.'

'Yeah. You are,' she replies, and leans up to kiss Chloe. That seems to put a smile on her face, at least for a bit.

'Took you two long enough,' says Kate brusquely when they finally go in and sit down opposite her. 'You done snogging?' Beca nearly retorts but Chloe pushes down fairly hard on her toes with the heel of her shoe, so she holds back the venomous responses that are just waiting to come out. She just needs Kate to give her a reason. At least them being almost level on height and weight means she could probably take her in a fight, if it came to that.

An uncomfortable minute of silence follows as Kate just sits there staring at a stain on the table and fiddling with her fingers. Chloe seems to be struggling to find words to say, while Beca's gaze flits back and forth between the two of them, wondering what to do.

'Chloe, why don't you get us some drinks?' Beca asks eventually, hoping to both get Chloe out of this awkward situation and also to have a bit of time with Kate on her own. But Chloe steps on her foot again. 'Or, I'll get it?' Another step. 'Or not - Jesus, what do you want from me, woman?' She snorts, getting up. 'Fine, I'll be right back. The usual for you, I know,' she says, before Chloe can tell her what she wants. Her eyes fall on Kate. She should probably at least try to be polite, if only because maybe that'll make it easier for Chloe. 'And you - what do you want? Tea?'

Kate almost looks like she might be offended, if she were actually capable of emotion. 'Wow, stereotypes already? I'll just have a coffee.'

'Coming right up.' She pushes her chair back with just a tad more aggression than she might usually, catching Chloe's eye for a moment as she does - her expression is an odd mix of relief and distress. She can't tell which one is winning right now, and whether she just threw her girlfriend to the metaphorical lions by leaving her on her own. But she doesn't try to stop Beca leaving.

Still, as Beca orders them all drinks, she keeps a careful eye on the two of them and monitors Chloe's body language while the two talk. She does seem worried, if the way she keeps fiddling with the edge of the table cloth is anything to go by. But there's still a surprising strength in the way she's sitting ramrod straight and meeting Kate's gaze directly, while the other girl is slumped in her chair with her arms folded, pulling restlessly at a loose thread on her sweater. For once it seems like Chloe has the upper hand in this interaction.

Turning back to the counter, she doesn't suppress the pride in her smile. That's her girl.

* * *

Except...

It turns out, that she's an idiot, super fucking bad at reading body language, and managed to read the situation  _entirely_ the wrong way. This becomes immediately obvious when she returns to the table with the drinks: what she originally thought was Chloe showing strength is actually her overcompensating. Kate's posture, rather than being indicative of her own fear, is instead a sort of odd, aloof casualness. She can tell she made a mistake in leaving when Chloe looks up at her in desperation when she comes back with the drinks.

Her eyes are just a little too bright and she's biting down really hard on her bottom lip - not to mention, there's a bright red flush making its way up her neck. 'Everything alright here?' Beca asks, glaring daggers at Kate. Chloe nods fervently, taking the drinks off Beca and then tugging her quickly back into her seat. Underneath the table she quickly seizes Beca's hand again.

She's freezing cold.

Kate is gazing at the two of them with something Beca interprets as cool amusement, her head resting on her palm. 'So... You're Chloe's girlfriend,' she says to Beca, pulling the coffee over to her. 'How long have you been together, then?'

When Chloe doesn't answer, Beca steps in. 'A while.' Kate doesn't deserve to know any more than that, as Beca gets the feeling whatever she says would just be fodder for her to scrutinise their relationship.

'Ah.' The amount of disdain she manages to put into that one syllable is impressive. She feels Chloe flinch slightly.

'I hear you've been training to be a teacher,' says Beca bluntly, 'but you keep failing the course.'

Despite Beca's best efforts, Kate's expression doesn't change the slightest bit. 'Oh yeah?' God, that accent. While it's sort of cute on Luke, it's just annoying on this girl. 'Who told you that?'

'Your brother. I work with him down at the station.'

She smiles faintly, gazing back down at her mug. 'Oh, Luke,' she says, with a soft sigh. 'Always supportive. How is he, anyway?

'Don't you know?' Chloe is the one who asks, this time, finally having found her voice. 'I thought you'd have been to see him already.'

 _'_ To be honest, you're the only person I actually came to visit, Chloe.' Her eyes bore into Chloe's now, and although she averts her gaze, Beca can't help but bristle at the way Chloe flushes and fumbles with the lid of her drink for a moment. She can easily see a younger Chloe tripping all over herself because some pretty girl with brooding eyes gave her some attention. The thought is all too real, and all too irritating.

'That's um, that's nice,' Chloe replies once she's got a hold on herself, clearing her throat. 'You should really visit Luke, though. I'm sure he misses you.' Beca is almost certain Luke would rather not see her at all, but she suppresses a laugh at Chloe's bare-faced lie. From the way Kate's eyebrow ticks up, she's fairly sure she's thinking the same thing. 'What are you doing here, anyway? Did you want to get a teaching job in the USA?'

'Um, no, not really.' She snorts. 'As your  _girlfriend_ so helpfully pointed out, the course isn't going so well for me right now, so I'm taking a break over here. What about you?' she shoots back. She hasn't looked at Beca at all during this exchange, even when directly referring to her. 'What are  _you_ doing?'

The question comes across as oddly accusatory, and Beca feels Chloe shrink a little as a result. 'Well, nothing much at the moment,' Chloe admits, taking her napkin and beginning to absent-mindedly shred it in her lap. 'Working.'

'Weren't you doing Lit? Maybe  _you_ should get into teaching too. Not much else you can do, right?'

Beca bristles at this comment, but all Chloe does is reply mildly, 'I don't think teaching is for me.' Underneath the table, however, her shredding picks up in speed; Beca surreptitiously takes it off her before she ends up making a huge mess.

'No... Me neither,' says Kate, with a hollow smile. Beca finds herself unsurprised. Kate seems like she'd sooner eat the kids than impart some useful knowledge onto them.

'What do you want to teach, anyway?' Chloe asks. 'I never really pegged you as a teacher, to be quite honest.'

'Primary. For little ones.' Beca can't help it: she laughs out loud. Chloe seems too surprised by this to tell her off, but Kate finally turns her hard gaze on Beca. 'Sorry, did I say something funny?'

'Yes,' replies Beca, without hesitation. 'The idea of  _you_ teaching small children. What's on the curriculum? Math, English, Science, maybe an hour lesson on how to be a fucking asshole every now and then?'

Not her wittiest comment, she'll be the first to admit, but she was a little under pressure. Nonetheless, Chloe still has to turn her head away and cough to hide her laugh, making Beca grin triumphantly. Kate seems bothered by this display, but all she does is reply smoothly, 'Seems like you had those lessons too.'

She's about to retort back - with what, she has no idea, since her mind has gone completely blank beyond something like 'Yeah? Well, you smell!' - when Chloe quickly steps in to change the subject back.

'So does that mean you don't live here anymore?'

'Nope. I only came here to study for that one year,' Kate says. 'I'm not like Luke. There's nothing herefor me in the States, is there?' The pause that follows, along with the slight raising of her eyebrow seems perfectly designed for Chloe to reply with something like 'Except me!' that for a moment Beca really does expect her to blurt that out. To her relief, Chloe says nothing of the sort but just sits there gnawing on her bottom lip. Kate seems disappointed. '... Anyway, I'm only here for a few weeks. Call it a holiday.'

'And you wanted me to meet you during it?' asks Chloe. Her voice has gone very quiet. '... Why now?'

 _'Well_ ,' says Kate, inspecting her nails, which are chewed right down to the quick. 'That's the question, isn't it?'

'So freaking answer it,' Beca growls.

Kate glances at her, and says patiently, 'Chlo, be a dear: call your chihuahua off.'

'Who are you calling a chihuahua, you little -'

'For God's sake - can you stop acting like children for one moment?' Chloe snaps. Beca is surprised when Chloe is giving  _her_ a pained look as well, clearly asking her to shut up.

'You're taking  _her_ side?'

'No, I'm not - but just let me talk, alright?' She drops her voice so Kate can't hear, putting her hand on Beca's leg. 'I know what you're trying to do, and I appreciate that. But I'm fine. I promise.'

And it seems like she is. Beca had been worried ever since she heard Kate was in the picture again, thinking back to that first night when Chloe had broken down into tears just trying to describe what had transpired between the two of them: worried Chloe wouldn't be able to deal with her returning, worried that she would somehow run all the way back into Kate's arms if she ever came back. She's relieved to see neither seems very likely. And from the determined look in Chloe's eyes, Kate is really in for something special now.

Beca nods, and sits back in her chair to watch the show.

'Listen to your girlfriend, Beca,' says Kate from across the table, with a grim smile. 'She's a smart lady.'

'And you can keep your mouth shut as well,' Chloe barks, rounding on her now. 'I don't want you speaking like we're suddenly friends again -  _or_ girlfriends, for that matter - just because I decided to meet you today. Because we are neither of those things.' Even though Beca knew that part already, she's still glad to hear Chloe say it out loud.

'Well, to be honest, I don't actually remember us being friends,' Kate replies, not missing a beat as usual. ' _Or_ girlfriends, for that matter.'

A comment like that must hurt, but now Chloe just folds her arms. 'If that's what you believe, then why are you here?'

'I told you. A holiday.'

'No. I don't believe that for second.'

'Believe what you want,' mutters Kate coolly, swirling her spoon around in her drink.

'Fine.  _I_ believe you wanted to come back so you could mess with me again.'

'How could I be messing with you? All I'm doing is sitting here,' Kate points out. ' _You're_ the one yelling at me.'

'Because you're being deliberately evasive, and I'm sick of it. What, did you think I wouldn't have changed? That I'd still be around to be your plaything?' She looks over at Beca, then back at Kate, face twisted in what counts as disgust on Chloe's normally gentle features. 'That I wouldn't have found anything better than  _you_?'

Kate is smiling again, unperturbed by the comments still. 'You don't get it, do you?'

'No. No, I don't - I don't get any of this. All I want to know is why the hell you decided,  _now_ of all times, was when you were going to walk back into my life. So please tell me - and excuse my language...' Chloe takes a breath. ' _Why the fuck are you here, Kate_?'

She says it quietly - enough that none of the other patrons look around, but both Beca and Kate look at Chloe in amazement.

 _Fuck yes, Chloe_ , Beca thinks inwardly. It's really hard to keep down a smile right now; she's just trying to keep her face as neutral as she can, but it's seriously hard because she is  _so_ fucking proud of Chloe right now. Deep down, Beca also knows she probably shouldn't be getting turned on by watching Chloe stand up to her ex... But somehow she can't help it. It's amazingly hot seeing Chloe stand up for herself - and Beca, by proxy. Right now she's feeling an odd mix of wanting to hug and squeeze Chloe and never let go, and also rip all her clothes off.

It doesn't hurt that she's gotten a little pink in the face and she's breathing heavily, either.

From the look on Kate's face, this finally seems to have gotten through to her. 'Alright... If we're going to go down this road already. I mean, I wanted to keep things civil a bit longer, but you know, never mind me.' She sits back in her chair, looking troubled. 'I just wanted to see you,' Kate starts, but Chloe is quick to retort to that one.

'Well, that much is obvious. But that doesn't tell me anything about what you want to get out of this meeting.'

She swears Kate's eye twitches. 'I just told you. To  _see_ you,' she says, so quietly they both almost don't hear it. 'To make amends, okay? So  _here I am_!' She spreads her palms out. A flush is rapidly spreading up her neck; she's losing her cool. 'Making bloody amends. I fly all the way out here to see you, only  _you_ bring your stupid girlfriend along and mess everything up.'

'Hey!' Beca protests, but Chloe squeezes her thigh under the table, hard.

'You have a funny way of making amends, if that's really what you're doing.'

'What more do you want?' she mutters, averting her eyes. 'Do you want me to say sorry? Okay, here: "sorry". Happy now?'

'And you said I don't get it...'

'Get  _what_?' Kate pushes her hair back from her face with noticeably shaking hands. 'Jesus. I don't know what else you want from me.'

'I don't know what  _you_ want from me either,' retorts Chloe. 'What is it? Money? Sex? Compassion? Because I don't have anything to give you anymore. You already took all that from me ages ago.'

'Fuck it,' groans Kate, putting her head in her hands, pushing the skin of her face upwards.  _'Fuck_ this. I don't even know why I came here today. I'm an idiot.'

Beca and Chloe glance at each other, knowing they're thinking the same thing. 'You know what?' says Chloe. 'I'm not sure I am either. Maybe I thought you'd changed, but you haven't. You're still the same selfish, manipulative person you always were, only I couldn't see it at the time.' She gets to her feet. 'I don't want to stay here anymore. Beca?' she says, looking at Beca, who hasn't moved an inch. A short, non-verbal conversation initiates between the two of them, where Chloe seems to intuitively understand what she is asking. 'Fine. I'll meet you outside, Beca... Excuse me.'

'What, you're not going after her?' says Kate bitterly, as Chloe walks away. 'I thought you'd be one of those co-dependent couples who just can't be away from each other for more than five minutes.'

Beca's jaw hardens, turning to Kate. She's been waiting for this since she got here. 'You're a piece of fucking work, aren't you? Can't you see what you're doing to her? What you've  _done_ to her?'

'Yeah, well, that's nothing new, is it?' Kate replies wearily. 'You should see what she's done to  _me_.'

'And despite saying you want to make amends, you don't sound all that apologetic.'

'Should I be? She's not interested in hearing it anyway. I'm scum to her.' Kate gives a little shrug; the ease with which she says that sentence is rather disturbing. Then she's moving on easily, a small smile on her lips. 'Anyway. Tell me, because I'm interested: what's your story?'

'My story?'

'Chloe's clearly pretty invested in you.'

'So?'

'Mm. Chloe's a weird girl. Always was,' says Kate. 'Whenever I needed her, she'd come running. All day, all night. Didn't matter what it was. The girl was obsessed with me and spending time with me.'

'Gee, you're right, there  _must_ be something wrong with her,' says Beca sarcastically. 'I can't think why she'd want to spend time with you either.'

But Kate seems lost in her own world, now. 'I was insane towards her,' says Kate, with almost a sense of wonder in her voice. 'But no matter what, she never fucking left... She never complained.' Out of nowhere, she seizes Beca's wrist, making her jump. 'I destroyed her,' Kate states, her nails digging into Beca's wrist. 'And I was happy about it. I wanted her to hurt with me.' She searches Beca's eyes, as though trying to see whether she'll flinch away, but Beca forces herself not to. She repeats, 'I wanted to see how much she could take, to see whether she'd break.'

'And you got your wish, you sicko,' Beca replies as evenly as she can, willing the panic away. 'Also? Let go of me before I fucking punch you.'

Kate lets go immediately. She seems unsettled by her sudden outburst of emotion, because the tremor in her hands has picked up in intensity and makes her cup rattle when she picks it up. 'I always thought she must have enjoyed it in some sort of masochistic way,' she murmurs, 'otherwise, why would she bother?'

'She was in love with you,' says Beca, her teeth clenched. 'That's what you  _do_ for people you love.'

She seems startled by the notion. 'No. There's more to it than that.'

'Maybe in your world people need a reason to help you or spend time with you... But in Chloe's, she doesn't. Because she  _loved_ you,' says Beca. 'I know that's probably hard for you to understand. Heck, I have trouble with it too. But she never had any agenda besides loving you and trying to make sure your sorry ass didn't end up in the hospital.'

'Yes, but  _why_? I don't really know what her deal is, but it just isn't normal to want to help someone like me without getting something in it in return.'

Beca can only sit there in silence for a moment as she absorbs this depressing statement, staring incredulously at Kate. 'You know, Chloe obviously hoped you'd changed or she wouldn't have met with you today,' says Beca. 'And maybe you have. But to me you just seem fucking sad excuse for a person.' She gets up, her chair scraping the floor. 'You  _need_ help. Talk to your damn brother. Then, maybe in a few years you'll actually be fit to even be in the same room as Chloe again - but in the mean time... Just stay the fuck away from Chloe.'

Kate doesn't stop her leaving, or make any kind of comment. She just watches Beca go, blinking softly for a few moments, before sitting back in her chair and shutting her eyes.

When Beca gets outside, she isn't at all surprised to see that Chloe's eyes are red-rimmed, and that she's been watching the whole thing. She cups her hands around Chloe's elbows. 'C'mon, we're going.'

'Should I...' Chloe starts, sounding and looking incredibly guilty. But Beca shakes her head, knowing what's coming next.

'You've done all you can already, Chlo.'

'She looks awful... Maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh -'

She takes a step forward, as though she wants to go back in, but Beca intercepts her. 'No,' she says firmly. 'Look, I know you want to help her despite everything, because that's just what you  _do_. But you can't hurt yourself like that.'

'She looks like she's struggling, I should go back and see if she's okay -'

'It's  _her_ problem to deal with.'

'Did I just add more problems to it, though?' Chloe's eyes are filling with tears. 'I was so mean... Oh, God. What have I done?'

'You got closure,' says Beca, beginning to pull Chloe along and away from the door. 'Now come  _on_ , Chlo, we gotta leave.'

Eventually, Chloe follows. But she stares back into the shop despondently, where Kate is slumped over in her chair, head in her hands.

* * *

'How are you doing?' Beca asks gently, much later. It had been a struggle getting a distraught Chloe home and making sure she wouldn't run all the way back to the shop to see Kate. Now they're on the couch together, Chloe's head pillowed on Beca's chest. They kind of fell automatically into this position upon arriving back at the apartment, flopping as one into some exhausted, snuggly ball underneath a blanket - with Beca for once needing her girlfriend's arms around her just as much as Chloe seems to.

Somewhat luckily, Aubrey isn't home, meaning she can take care of Chloe without having to worry about interruptions. But somewhat  _un_ luckily, Aubrey isn't home, which means she's probably with Jesse somewhere - and that's something she  _really_ doesn't want to have to deal with right now.

Chloe lets out a breath (still shaky from crying), rubbing her cheek against Beca's shoulder. 'Okay... Better.'

'You want me to get you anything?'

'No. Just this is fine.'

'You want to talk about it?'

'Maybe,' says Chloe. 'Are you going to tell me what happened while I was gone yet?'

Beca had refused to say anything on the way back, not wanting to upset Chloe further. It's been a long day, and like Chloe, the whole interaction with Kate has left a bad taste in her mouth. It takes Beca a moment to pick her words. 'She said some messed up stuff, about you, and about us - I told her to shut the fuck up, basically,' she replies shortly, feeling any more detail would probably not be welcomed, despite Chloe's questions. 'I'm sure you can guess the type better than I ever could.'

Chloe nods solemnly, as though having expected an answer like this. 'Yeah... She always knew the best - or worst, I suppose - things to say to get under my skin. She always made me feel like I ought to be grateful for any amount of time she would let me have with her. Like she had somewhere better to be, but was hanging out with me for  _my_ benefit.'

'Fuck that,' Beca growls, drawing Chloe a little closer in her annoyance, and not missing the way Chloe smiles at it. 'I don't understand her at all, to be honest. Why would you even want to date her?'

'I don't know. She was my first girlfriend.'

'Usually they have at least  _some_ redeeming traits. I didn't see many in her.'

'Well, she was different today,' replies Chloe, rather defensively. She must realise how she sounds, because she clears her throat and goes on, 'I mean, normally, being really mean isn't her style. That's way too much effort for her - she prefers dropping really subtle, passive-aggressive comments that you'll stay up half the night trying to work out. But today she was all over the place.' While Beca is wondering whether Chloe ever ended up staying up half the night trying to work out if Kate had insulted her - the thought makes her oddly angry - Chloe goes on, 'I think it's because you were there. She felt threatened by you.'

Her eyes widen. 'Threatened? Really?' Beca: 1, Aubrey: 0.

'She was the only one that had a claim on me back then. I guess having you there, being all possessive and trying to stand up for me, threw her off.' Beca half expects Chloe to start telling her off again about getting involved with things she shouldn't, but then Chloe giggles. 'Watching you two fight over me was kind of funny. I thought you might challenge her to a duel at any moment.'

Beca laughs. 'I could totally take her.'

'Mm. Maybe you could have a sarcasm competition.'

'Are you saying I wouldn't win against her in a fight?'

'I never said that - just that verbal fights are more your thing. Wouldn't want you to break a nail, after all.' She kisses an incredulous Beca's fingers, but then waggles her eyebrows. 'Although then again, you always keep them really short, so maybe I wouldn't have to worry.'

'Christ - it's not like that!' Beca splutters, blushing, but without much vehemence. She's too glad to see Chloe making jokes, instead of spending the evening depressed. She'd worried that would happen when she'd had to practically drag Chloe home. 'I just don't like long nails. It doesn't mean anything.'

'I know. I'm just kidding around, Bec.' To Beca's disappointment, she drops her hand and snuggles into Beca. 'Thank you for coming with me,' says Chloe, making a contented noise she tangles her legs with Beca's. 'I think things could have been much worse if I'd gone alone.'

'You'd have been fine.'

'You think so?'

'Of course,' Beca answers. 'You're way stronger than you think you are, Chlo. You didn't need me there at all. And didn't you see how you stood up to her and told her to get the hell out of your life?  _That_ was fucking badass.'

'I wasn't too mean to her?' asks Chloe doubtfully.

'No, of course not. You were awesome.' She pauses, and smirks. 'And kinda hot.'

The wide smile she gets from Chloe then is well worth the stress of the day. 'Really?'

'Yup.'

Chloe sits up then so she's looking down on Beca, the blanket sliding off her shoulders. She shakes her head in amusement. 'You're such a weirdo. Things like  _that_ get you going?'

'Not in a weird way,' Beca says. 'Just... I like seeing you be all confident. It reminds me of when you barged into my shower all those months ago.'

'I thought you hated that.'

'I did at the time, but...' says Beca. She almost doesn't say what she's thinking, but fuck it, she really likes seeing Chloe grin at her like that. So she goes on sheepishly, 'I dunno, it's the only time I've seen you naked.'

Chloe's mouth drops open, and she laughs in surprise right as the embarrassment over what she just said hits Beca. 'Beca Mitchell! What has gotten into you today?'

'I don't know!' Beca says, flushing and burying her face in the back of the couch. 'I don't know where that came from... Sorry.'

'I didn't say I minded!' Chloe turns her face back. She's chuckling. 'Wow. I have to say, I like  _you_ being confident a hell of a lot more.' She gently runs a thumb over Beca's jawline.

'I wouldn't call it confident. I'd call it "I like to see you smile".'

'Huh. That's... unusually sweet, coming from you.' The expression on her face turns suspicious. 'Where's this all coming from? You've been acting differently all day.'

'What, I can't be nice to you?'

'Beca...' Chloe rolls her eyes. 'Is it Kate?'

'No, it's not. It's nothing, Chlo, honestly.'

'What did Aubrey say to you?'

How does she always know? 'Nothing,' Beca reponds casually, but cowers a little at Chloe's stern look. '... Okay, nothing besides that I needed to take my head out of my ass and that I was being selfish by getting all worked up when you were worried yourself.'

It takes a moment for Chloe to absorb this statement. When she does, she frowns. 'Since when do you listen to Aubrey?'

'Not like she didn't have a point.' Beca shugs. 'Plus, meeting Kate today, and seeing how upset she made you... I realised, I don't ever want to be like that.'

Chloe's face clears, and Beca knows she's made some sort of unknown connection in her head. She bites on her lip, pulling it into her mouth anxiously. 'Baby, you  _know_ I didn't mean anything when I said that,' she says. 'I wasn't trying to say you were at all like her.'

'I know - that's not what I'm getting that. I ...' She's struggling to phrase it properly, but it feels like it's something she has to say. 'I keep thinking about things I've said to you. In the past, and... That "basket case" comments the other day...' She swallows. 'And yet you never really got angry at me, not even then. You've never held any of it against me. Why is that?'

'What are you saying?'

'Why don't you ever get angry at me or tell me to shut the fuck up, when I do the shit I do?'

'And... How, exactly, would that help?' asks Chloe slowly.

'I dunno. Maybe it'd be the kick in the butt that I need to stop being a jackass.'

'We went down the bickering route once before,' Chloe points out. 'It didn't exactly work out, did it? We just ended up attacking each other. So, now I just try and let it go, because I know you don't mean it.'

'But now you're just letting me walk all over you.'

 _'No_ , I'm not. I'm defusing the situation and trying not to make things worse, or hold grudges. I'm not your mom,' says Chloe, a little irritably. 'I'm not going to police your behaviour for you.'

This isn't really turning out how she wanted it to, and perhaps she's stirring up another argument. Tentatively, she reaches an apologetic hand out to Chloe's waistband in order to tug her a bit closer. 'My mom would have told me to grow up and stop being so immature.'

'Exactly,' she replies, with a sad smile. '... I'm not going to do that.' She follows the light tugging until she's laying back down with Beca, on her side now. She places a kiss on Beca's temple. 'We're in this together. That means helping you, not hurting you.'

'But what if  _I'm_ hurting you, and you don't even realise it because you're trying to be so patient with me? What if this is how it was with Kate all over again and you don't even know yet?'

'Is  _that_ what you're worried about? Beca...' She leans over to kiss Beca. 'You're not hurting me. I love you, and I know you love me. This isn't like Kate, not at all.'

'Are you sure?'

'Positive.' Again, she kisses Beca, but this time Beca reciprocates - firmer, this time, a little more sure of herself, and needing to show some sort of gratitude back to Chloe for all of this. Her tongue traces her bottom lip, finding Beca's and flicking over it until she lets out a rather undignified high-pitched noise. Something in Chloe seems to change, then, because she pushes on Beca's shoulder and angles her weight until she tumbles back onto the couch.

Chloe's kisses are getting a little heavy now, her tongue tracing small circles under her jaw - and alright, this is definitely going somewhere fast that's she's not entirely sure about. She leans away from the touch. Chloe, to her relief, doesn't look at all put out. Instead she smiles at Beca soothingly, leaning up to give her one of the gentler kisses that she's more familiar with until her pulse slows again. 'It's okay, just relax,' Chloe murmurs against her lips. 'You're okay.'

She tries to absorb that thought into her consciousness, replaying it over and over.  _I'm okay._

Her fingers circle Beca's stomach and upwards, taking the hem of her shirt with it so she can gently run her fingertips over her belly. 'Can I?' Chloe breathes against her, tracing just below the bottom of her bra. Beca must make some sort of face, because Chloe gives her another kiss and a reassuring smile.  _'_ It's okay,' she repeats. 'It really is.'

Easier said than done, Beca can't help but think a tad sourly. But she's willing to try anyway, because Chloe's been waiting for  _months_  - she kind of owes her this, by now. Beca gulps, but nods.

She reaches behind Beca and unclasps the bra, pushing it upwards, and apparently, they're  _actually_ doing this. Beca kind of feels like an awkward teenager, fumbling around and not quite knowing what to do, but the clear happiness she can see on Chloe's face goes some way to detracting from that. It also makes Beca blush a heck of a lot, knowing Chloe's seeing her for the first time (well, the first time since she came into Beca's shower, but that doesn't count), and just how damn pleased she is just to be touching skin. It's kind of funny, in a way, seeing her grin like that, and a chuckle rises up and out of Beca before she can really hold it back.

Chloe's gazes flicker up to meet hers, an eyebrow arching - although she doesn't keep her eyes on Beca's face for long. 'Something funny?'

'No... Well, a little,' Beca admits, squirming slightly when Chloe lowers her head and her breath washes over Beca's skin. 'I dunno, you just look so damn thrilled. They're just boobs, Chlo.'

'Actually,' Chloe corrects her, 'they're  _your_ boobs. Therefore, they are totally awesome.'

'You can't be serious...'

'Shut up and let me seduce you already, Mitchell,' Chloe says, making Beca laugh - but that quickly dies away when her mouth is suddenly fully  _on_ Beca now as she takes a nipple between her lips. The sensation isn't quite what she'd been expecting. It feels ... sharper, and more sensitive than she'd originally been expecting, and Chloe's mouth is hot and wet all around her; then there's her tongue, and all Beca can think about is how light her head feels right now.

When she lets out an unchecked groan, she hears Chloe echo it, and whisper something about her sounding "so good".

In the back of her mind she can still feel worry coming, much as she's trying her best to avoid it - it's as though they were beckoned by her questioning of where they were. When Chloe's fingers touch her hips she can't help but flinch a little bit, and that pretty much makes her mind up for her: tonight isn't the right time. Beca slowly puts her hands on Chloe's wrists, pushing her away; she resists for a moment, but then sits back to look at Beca questioningly.

'Maybe not right now...'

She hates how Chloe's face drops. 'But -' Chloe starts to say, but then seems to think better of it and clamps her mouth shut. Beca watches her do this, feeling the guilt wash over her yet again.

'I'm sorry.'

'No - please, don't be sorry.' Chloe's face kind of belies her words, given the way she's pressing her lips together in a tight line, and the frustrated way she shuts her eyes. 'You shouldn't apologise.'

'Look, I'm not trying to push you away or anything,' says Beca, sitting up and clasping her bra to her chest. 'I just don't think doing this today is a good idea.'

'It's not your fault.' She reaches over to help Beca put her bra back on. 'I was getting carried away. I'm glad you stopped me if you're not comfortable.'

 _'Are_ you?'

'Yes, of course,' Chloe snaps, pulling Beca's shirt down a little too roughly. 'You should always stop me if you're not into something I'm doing.'

'So why are you angry at me?'

Chloe deflates, then. 'I'm not angry at  _you_ , Beca, I'm angry at  _me_. or pushing you. Again... I'm just frustrated,' says Chloe. 'I just really wanted it, and I thought you did too, but obviously you were uncomfortable and I missed that somehow... I don't know, I'm sorry, I -' She makes a distressed noise. 'For God's sake, I can't even speak properly. What's wrong with me today?'

'Nothing's wrong with you. You're fine,' Beca says, reaching for Chloe's hand. Maybe she isn't as okay tonight as Beca thought she was. 'And you weren't pushing me, honestly. But I figured we should just leave it there for tonight.'

Chloe looks at her then, lip trembling; her eyes are beginning to water. At a loss of what else to do, Beca pulls her into a hug as best she can: as soon as she does, Beca can feel tears leaking down her neck, but Chloe keeps quiet, barely giving away that she's crying besides the shake of her shoulders.

'This seems backwards,' says Beca gently. 'Normally I'm the one having a freak out by now.'

'I'm sorry,' she whispers, sounding miserable. 'I'm sorry I'm being such an idiot. I just really wanted -' She presses her face into Beca's neck.

'It's okay. I get it,' Beca replies, leaning back just enough to place a kiss on Chloe's brow. 'I thought the same thing - that it'd be okay this time. But it wasn't, so we stopped. You'd normally say that was a good thing.'

'And it  _is,_ I'm so glad you stopped before it got to that point, I really am.' She smiles grimly. 'I just wish the rest of me felt the same... Maybe I should just take a cold shower and be done with it.'

'Or...' says Beca hesitantly, 'you could go...' She makes a face and shimmies her shoulders, hoping Chloe understands what she means. 'I mean, I wouldn't mind.'

Chloe's eyes widen. 'You mean - with you there?'

She hadn't actually thought of that part, only that she felt bad about Chloe being so worked up and not being able to do anything about it. Yet Chloe really looks like she's strongly considering taking Beca up on that offer, and her heart suddenly squeezes with nerves - it's not like she's never thought about that before (how could she not, Chloe has literally told her what song she masturbates to), and yeah it's fucking hot, but faced with the reality it seems like a rather overwhelming thing. And she's not sure Chloe would be able to take it if she suddenly said, 'Oh, sorry, I can't do that after all.'

To her relief, however, Chloe shakes her head. 'Maybe not now,' she murmurs, but she looks a little more cheerful now. 'That sounds pretty good though... Raincheck?'

'Uh... Sure,' replies Beca weakly. Maybe by the time Chloe calls in that raincheck she'll be ready. After all, it's not like she'd actually have to  _do_ anything. Probably.

'No pressure, though,' Chloe adds, breaking Beca's train of thought. 'I mean, if you decide you don't want to in the end.'

How does she do that? She smiles.

'Thanks.'

'No... Thank  _you_.'


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you're tired of apologies; I am too and I'm touched by how understanding you've all been when I've explained why I've not been able to update. Given how difficult this fic became to write (especially as we're into deeper plot territory now) I can only really write/post when I'm in a good head space. So I'm a little rusty at writing in this 'verse' - regardless, thanks guys, you're the best cheerleaders :)
> 
> In any case, FINALLY chapter 10. Enjoy.
> 
> Also, the dig at using 'Run the World' was written way before the second movie even came out (i.e. last year) so don't take that one to heart :P

 

Beca blinks once when she wakes, not recognising the ceiling above her, and then again when things start coming into more focus. Eventually she begins taking in her surroundings despite her tired state: the photos of Chloe and Aubrey (and Beca herself, hidden away towards the back so she won't complain about them) on the bedside cabinet; the unusual warmth underneath the covers compared to her freezing dorm bedroom. And the sound of Chloe breathing softly in and out, the toes of one foot just gently resting against Beca's leg. Like she just needs the smallest touch to remind herself that Beca's there.

It's quiet. And calm, compared to what has felt like a frantic and stressful few months of running around trying to fix everything. It's - dare she say it? - rather nice to just slow down for a bit at the weekend, without hours of work on arrangements, or essay deadlines to ignores which might drag her mood down. She has work today, but not for a few hours. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. For now she's content to just lie here with her girlfriend (and wow, that still doesn't seem entirely real sometimes) and soak in the morning.

'I'm here again,' Beca observes aloud, half to herself, half to Chloe, who she's not sure is awake yet. There's a stupid smile on her face right now, but she decides not to try and restrain it for once: today just feels  _good_. 'Cool.'

Chloe, apparently, is awake after all. She shifts, more of the top of her foot pressing against Beca's calf. Distantly Beca wonders when the last time she shaved was, and whether Chloe would mind that it's probably been at least a week or two. Screw it, it's winter. 'I know. I thought so too.'

'Why is it that I never remember falling asleep in your bed? We were on the couch, and I'm sure I was going to go home after that.' She squints at Chloe suspiciously, but she unfortunately misses this expression as she still has her eyes shut. 'Did you kidnap me and drag me in here?'

Chloe chuckles. 'No. I didn't need to, you practically fell into my bed last night.'

'I suppose it is pretty damn comfy.' Beca sighs, stretching her arms out and accidentally-on-purpose playfully knocking Chloe on the top of the head. The little grumble of discontent she lets out is adorable. 'Way better than dorm rooms.'

'I should hope so. This mattress was expensive.' She opens her eyes now, smiling widely with one delicately plucked eyebrow raised when she sees Beca is watching her. Chloe makes looking good so effortless; Beca kind of feels like a disheveled chimp next to her. 'Hi.'

'Hello.'

'Come here often?'

'No,' replies Beca. 'But I'm guessing you do.' Chloe's light smile turns into a smirk, in that seamlessly filthy way only she can achieve. 'What - oh,  _no_ , dude,' Beca groans, after she's replayed what she just said back in her head and realised what Chloe is hinting at. 'It's way too early in the morning for that.'

'No such thing.' She leans in to kiss Beca good morning, then, but Beca blocks her with an arm.

'Morning breath,' she explains, sheepishly.

'I don't care.' And just to demonstrate how little she cares, Chloe kisses Beca - but then makes a disgusted face. 'Ew.'

'Oh my God, you suck.'

Chloe giggles and half launches herself at Beca, entwining as many limbs as she possibly can into they're a Bechloe-shaped pretzel. 'This is nice,' sighs Chloe contentedly, rubbing her nose over Beca's and sneaking in another quick kiss. Evidently she doesn't mind morning breath that much after all. 'I've missed this.'

'We were basically doing this all of last night.'

'I mean just being close to you, and joking around with you. I guess there's not been a lot of that, lately, for... one reason, or another.'

'It's not your fault.'

'It kind of is,' says Chloe, averting her eyes guiltily to a looping pattern on her bedsheet. 'What with Kate, and me having to work all the time.' She sighs, and glances over her shoulder at the clock. 'Speaking of. Ugh.'

'Work today, right?' Chloe nods: Beca knew this already, as it was to replace the shift she was down to do while meeting Kate. 'But you don't have to go for a while, right?' she asks, trying not to sound too hopeful.

'Nope. Why?'

'I don't really feel like getting up yet,' Beca explains. 'And your bed is warm, so I'm in no rush to leave it.'

'Oh really?' Again with that smirk, which Beca kind of thinks might have never left her face. 'What did you have in mind? Because I can think of a few other things you can do in beds.'

'God, seriously? You have a one-track mind,' Beca mutters. The roll of her eyes belies the smile on her face.

'Well, you can hardly blame me, can you? Have you looked in the mirror lately? No, really,' says Chloe, laughing at the exaggerated grotesque expression Beca pulls. 'You don't even know, Beca - I mean, seriously. The amount of underwear you've ruined, I should probably start charging you for replacements.'

That sentence, completely out of the blue and unexpected, sears right through Beca and makes her face flush. She tries her best to rein back in such a painfully virgin response, but even then she can't help stuttering, 'Uh. Okay. That's... a thing.'

Chloe laughs heartily, nose nudging against her chin in affection. 'Oh my  _God_ , I can't believe how easy you are sometimes,' she says gleefully. 'I love seeing the look on your face when I say things like that. Especially when I take you by surprise; it's so funny.'

'I'm starting to think you enjoy doing that too much.' Beca shifts and takes a breath, thinking of the conversation they had last night which never got finished. Trying to imitate Chloe's easy-going attitude to talking about sex, Beca takes a breath and asks as casually as she can, 'Do you... Do that a lot?' It's hard to keep her voice level when Chloe brushes her lips over where her pulse is jumping beneath her skin, though. Especially as it's done in a way that is a lot more deliberate and sexual than that one simple action would be normally.

'Do what?' Chloe's voice is low, and buzzes against her skin. 'Touch myself?'

She squirms, both at the words and because Chloe catches a slightly ticklish area with her lips. 'Y-yeah. Well,' she says, trying to sound braver and more light-hearted than she feels right now, 'You must do it a fair amount, considering Titanium is your lady jam and all.'

'Hey, I don't  _just_ do it to Titanium,' Chloe says, sounding offended by the very idea. 'Sometimes I do it to your mixes, too. I have very discerning tastes.' For a moment, Beca feels almost winded; Chloe pulls back after feeling her tense, looking apologetic. 'Too far?'

'No, I...' She clears her throat. 'How the hell do you do that?'

'Do what?'

'It's so easy for you to say things like that. I feel like I'm the only one getting worked up all the time, when you can just sit there cool as anything, not remotely bothered.'

'"Not remotely bothered"? Did you not hear me just now about all the underwear ruining?' Chloe rubs her thumb over Beca's bottom lip in a gentle gesture, then leans in and kisses it - taking it between her teeth briefly. She feels Chloe smile against her mouth when she makes a needy sound. 'Trust me, you have nothing to worry about where me getting worked up is concerned. I think last night proved that.'

'Well, last night  _was_  interesting. I might even say it was nice.'

'I agree,' says Chloe, grinning. 'We should try that again.'

'You mean now, don't you.'

'Shut up. I had an "interesting" dream and now I'm all worked up.' Chloe rolls her over in one smooth movement so Beca is on top, and then kisses her. She returns it easily, inwardly marveling at the fact that it feels so much easier now, compared than the first time she did it. She never thought she'd get this far in the first place. Maybe she should count herself lucky.

Minutes later Beca draws back to gasp for breath, but finds herself winded enough that just one small pause won't do it - she has to sit back a bit on Chloe to fully refill her lungs with much needed oxygen. But once there, she finds herself distracted just  _looking_ at Chloe. She likes seeing Chloe like this - she always seems to be the one in charge, the more confident one of the two of them, but right now her chest is rising and falling rapidly and her eyes are dark. A column of red is creeping over her neck, spreading outwards from where Chloe's shirt just about hides her collarbones.

She finds herself curious as to how far it goes down her chest, and whether Chloe would let her. By the look on her face, she certainly would.

 _I want to touch you until you fall apart underneath me_ , comes the sudden, violent thought in Beca's head, shocking her. She's never thought something like that before. The very idea seems odd and alien in her mind, but at the same time, weirdly familiar - it's like she's never dared think it previously because she never thought she  _could_ \- but now...

Chloe seems to sense something is on her mind, because she licks her lips and croaks, 'What?'

'Nothing,' murmurs Beca. 'Just not sure how you can look this attractive first thing in the morning, that's all.' She takes a breath, and pulls lightly at the hem of Chloe's t-shirt, which is just riding up over her stomach. 'I want to...'

She feels the muscles just underneath her fingertips contract slightly, and then release. 'Go on. Please,' adds Chloe, after Beca hesitates.

It's approval even she can't talk herself out of. Before she can tell herself otherwise, and with shaking hands, Beca pulls her shirt all the way up and over Chloe's head. The movement doesn't have a lot of finesse, but it gets the job done without ripping it or accidentally punching Chloe in the face, which is an achievement in her eyes.

'Uh... Whoa.'

It's not very eloquent (and she vaguely remembers making fun of Chloe about having a similar response only last night) but that about sums up her thought patterns right now. She's seen Chloe naked before - she'll probably never forget that first time if she tries - but never like this. She runs a hand up her sides, feeling goosebumps rise underneath her palms on Chloe's skin, how she arches up into Beca's hands when she hesitantly traces down from Chloe's collarbone. She kisses Chloe so she can get a handle on her feelings, trying to keep anxiety at bay. This is further than they've ever gone and she doesn't know exactly how far Chloe intends them to go - only that she probably won't be able to get them there today.

'Don't be scared,' Chloe whispers.

Beca's gaze flickers up to Chloe's, finding her wanting and flushed, but still smiling reassuringly. On a whim she cups her right breast and flicks her thumb over the nipple. It creates an immediate reaction of Chloe gasping and squirming a little underneath her in a way that's immensely distracting, especially when her hips rise up to press into hers. 'You're...' She can't really think of an appropriate word. Vocabulary has never been her strong suit. 'Fuck.'

'I'm fuck?' says Chloe with a smile, that rapidly becomes a hiss when Beca squeezes the nipple between her thumb and forefinger.  _'Beca_...'

She applies a little more pressure, rather enjoying the play of emotions on Chloe's face. Beca's gaze falls to Chloe's pyjama pants briefly - more thinking about the concept more than anything, but Chloe notices and shakes her head.

'Probably not a good idea.'

'Really?'

Chloe chuckles, shifting underneath Beca in an impatient manner and groaning a little at Beca's words. 'Even though I hate myself for saying it, yes. This is good for now. Are you okay?'

'Yeah. This is way more okay than I was expecting, actually.' It's true - touching Chloe is somehow easier than the reverse. Not completely, but her mind is certainly clearer.

Her hand comes up to cover Beca's on her breast, pressing down harder than she ever would on her own for fear of hurting Chloe. Apparently that's something she likes though, if the noise that escapes her is anything to go by. 'Shit. You're beautiful,' says Beca, almost awed.

'Kiss me,' says Chloe breathlessly, so Beca does, fingers still massaging and pinching without much input from her brain since her mind is focused on the kissing. She tries her best to keep the momentum up, but to Beca's reluctance, with nowhere else to go the touching simply peters out naturally on its own. This happens even though Chloe's cheeks may never return to their original colour and she's very unsubtly squeezing her thighs together. Luckily, neither of them seem too upset by it; Beca just comes to a stop, hovering over Chloe while propped up on her elbow.

They just stare at each other for one long moment, processing what just happened between the two of them. ' _Well._ That happened.'

'Yup,' says Chloe, chuckling. 'You just touched your first boob. How do you feel?'

'Fine. It was kinda like touching my own, but better. What about you?'

'Pretty damn horny,' Chloe replies, with a shrug. She says this without an ounce of shame.

'Sorry. You're probably getting sick of me stopping all the time.'

'No, of course not. We both stopped - it's a mutual thing.'

Beca bites her lip. 'But last night...'

'Last night was different,' Chloe interrupts. 'I was upset and being a jerk. But we don't have to worry about that right now. Everything's fine.' She kisses Beca, and then winks. 'I do, however, need a shower. Want to come with?'

As Beca is about to answer, they hear the door in the living room slam. 'Is that Aubrey? She's finally back!' exclaims Chloe, shooting up from her position on the bed and immediately jumping out of bed. She makes a run for the bedroom door, but just as she's about to exit, Beca calls her name. When Chloe turns back around, Beca throws her shirt directly at her face.

'I don't mind you being half-naked, but Aubrey might want you to put some clothes back on.'

Chloe looks down, as though only just noticing the breeze on her chest. 'Oh, yeah!' She quickly throws the shirt back on and with that, high-tails it back into the living room.

* * *

When Beca emerges, Chloe and Aubrey are in full blown catch up mode in the kitchen - or at least, Chloe is. Aubrey has her back to Chloe and is dutifully nodding away. Occasionally she lets out a flat, 'Nope,' to Chloe's very unsubtle questions about where she was the night before, which she drops in between anecdotes about work and turning her eggs over in the frying pan. Her expression reads like she'd quite like to chuck Chloe in the pan as well.

'Nothing happened, I  _told_ you,' Aubrey replies in exasperation, poking at the egg aggressively with her spatula, as it's not currently living up to her frying standards. 'How many times, Chloe?'

'She'll probably need telling a few more times,' says Beca, stealing one of the slices of toast sitting on a plate at the side and taking a hefty bite. 'Are those my eggs you're using, by the way?'

'No,' Aubrey snaps, 'but that's definitely  _my_ toast you're eating right now. Why do you have eggs here, anyway?'

Beca shrugs. 'I like eggs. Makes sense to keep some here too.' She has all sorts of things strewn over Chloe's apartment as it is due to laziness or forgetfulness; no point overthinking it. Stuffing the rest of the toast in her mouth she asks, 'How was the movie then?'

Aubrey wrinkles her nose at this display. 'It was decent - well acted, but a few plot inconsistencies here and there.'

'What did you do afterwards?'

She meant it to be subtle - more subtle than Chloe, anyway, which isn't hard - but Aubrey is unfortunately not at all fooled. 'Not you as well.'

Beca promptly gives up all pretence and pretending that she's remotely interested in the details of her night with Jesse - she just wants the answer to one question. 'Aubrey, I swear to God, if you and Jesse are banging -'

'We are not "banging",' says Aubrey, sighing. 'I saw one movie with him. God, if that's all it takes to be dating someone, then surely  _you'd_ be practically married to him by now.' She nods at Beca, who wrinkles her nose.

'Gross.'

'Exactly.'

'It's not about you just seeing one movie with him,' Chloe persists. 'It's whether you want to see more with him.'

'Oh - just  _stop_ , would you?' Aubrey barks. 'Seriously, you've been at this all morning, and it's getting old.'

Seeing that Aubrey is rather wound up, Chloe gives her a tentative smile and takes her hand. 'Okay, Bree. I'm sorry for pushing it,' she says bracingly. 'Let's change the subject. What are you doing today?'

'Nothing with Jesse, if that's what you're asking,' she responds drily.

'Then how about we go out somewhere together, before I have work this afternoon?'

Aubrey snorts, pulling her hand out of Chloe's grip. 'You just want me to get me on my own and tell you more about yesterday. I see through your shoddy game, Beale.'

'No! Not at all.'

'Well… That's probably a part of it.'

Chloe shoots Beca a glare. 'Not helping. Aubrey, I just want to make sure you were alright - I mean, where were you all last night if all you did was just watch one movie?'

Aubrey throws her fried egg onto the plate with one violent movement - it might have been an attempt at being dramatic, but it mostly just slides wimpily out of the frying pan and flops onto the bread. 'Didn't I just ask you to drop this? Nothing happened,' she replies. 'Look - after the movie was done, he invited me to go back to the Trebles house.'

'Aha!'

'I'm not done, Chlo,' says Aubrey tiredly. 'He said he'd invite some of the Bellas over too -' Beca frowns at this, since she and Chloe were not invited; then again, she supposes they were busy anyway. '- and so I went, but... That was a mistake.'

'What? Why?'

'Because  _Jeff_ was there.'

'Jeff?'

'Unicycle,' Chloe explains to Beca. She puts her arms around Aubrey, whose face has gone stony. 'Oh, Bree… I'm sorry.'

'His name is  _Jeff_?'

'Not helping,' snap both Chloe and Aubrey. She puts her hands up, effectively exiting the conversation.

'I'm sorry,' Chloe says soothingly to Aubrey, rubbing a hand over her shoulders and upper back. 'I didn't know you felt that strongly about him.'

'I don't even know if I do,' Aubrey murmurs, finally giving in and letting Chloe hold her. 'It just sucked seeing him, and I felt so awkward, in the end I left soon after getting there... And no, Jesse didn't come after me. In fact, no one did.'

'Oh, Bree,' Chloe says again, and Beca finds she's somehow said the same thing out loud. She nips that in the bud, pretending she was just clearing her throat. 'Where did you stay all night, then, if you left?' asks Chloe in concern.

'In the library.'

'You stayed all night in the  _library_?'

'I didn't know where else to go, and everyone else was so busy...' Aubrey smiles bitterly, and shakes her head. 'I'd love to say I had some big fancy night yesterday but the truth is, I didn't feel like I had anywhere to go.'

'Bree, you could have called,' says Chloe gently, 'you could have come here - it would have been fine.'

'Would it? I'm not so sure.' Her voice goes thick, and for a moment she wonders why until, to the horror of both her and Aubrey, she realises Aubrey's blinking away tears. 'Oh, God - can you get her  _out_ of the kitchen?' she cries, flapping one hand in Beca's direction and trying to shield her face from view with the other. Chloe grabs her hands, trying to stop her flailing.

'Bree, it's okay - Beca won't judge you.  _Will you,_  Bec?' There's a clear warning tone behind those words, to which Beca can only mumble in the affirmative. She's not  _that_ evil; Aubrey's clearly upset. Chloe turns back, satisfied that she won't cause any more trouble. 'You know I would have been here for you, if you'd said.'

'You say that,' says Aubrey. 'But I'm not so sure.'

'Huh? Aubrey, I'm your best friend...'

'I know you are. And you're mine. But lately...' She bites her lip, gaze just briefly stopping on Beca for a moment, but long enough for the message to be received loud and clear. It's obvious she thinks Beca is the problem. Chloe must think so too, because she frowns. 'I don't know why, but things have been different lately,' is Aubrey's diplomatic version of that brief look. 'Things just haven't been the same while I've been here. And I know I've probably overstayed my welcome, but it's just so  _hard_ , Chloe. My father is already angry at me for staying down here longer than I said I would. Especially since we didn't exactly leave on good terms, either. He didn't want me to come down in the first place,' she adds, at Chloe's questioning expression.

'And you didn't tell him you were going to stay this long?' asks Chloe, surprised. Aubrey nods. 'Oh. Shit.'

'Precisely,' says Aubrey grimly. 'I'm not looking forward to going back. But even so... I can handle that. I've gotten used to him being angry at me for one thing or another over the years... But only because I had  _you_ there as well, Chlo. Now, though...' She lifts her hands and lets them fall helplessly. 'I guess everything is changing, and I'm struggling with that for some unknown reason.'

'Things don't have to change,' says Chloe, her brow furrowing. 'I'm sorry if you think I've not been spending enough time with you lately. But I'm sorry - Beca is here to stay,' she adds, firmly.

Aubrey sighs. 'Yes, I know. I'm still getting used to that fact.' But she smiles.

Beca, feeling somewhat useless, knows she needs to do  _something_ to help. She offers the only thing she feels like she can. 'Hey, Aubrey,' she says, drawing their attention back to her. It's as though they'd forgotten she was ever there in the first place. 'Why don't you come with me to practice today? And you too, Chlo, if you want.'

'You have that today?' says Chloe, surprised. 'It's the weekend - you never practise at the weekend.'

'We do now,' Beca replies firmly. 'I'm sure I can round up the Bellas. They won't like it, but oh well - it's about time I put in some Posen-esque dictatorship behaviour.'

Chloe smiles, but Aubrey doesn't look quite so sure. 'You'd really want me there?' she says doubtfully.

'Sure. I think I could do with some extra help, anyway.'

'Well...' Aubrey looks at Chloe, who is nodding fervently to her. 'Alright.'

Chloe's delighted grin, and her slight squeal into Beca's neck as she hugs her makes up for the fact that Aubrey didn't even say thank you.

But only just.

* * *

To Beca's relief, the Bellas seem to do a pretty good job of cheering Aubrey up when they arrive, fussing over her excitedly as though they hadn't only seen her the night before and like she hadn't been in Barden far too long for a quick social visit as it is. It's all going well, until Amy - and of course it's Amy, because everyone else seems to be tactfully avoiding the subject - puts her foot in it.

'Hey, where'd you go last night anyway?' she asks Aubrey, her persistently loud voice attracting the attention of everyone in the room. 'One moment you were there, the next you weren't - no one knew where you went.'

There's a short silence as those in the know exchange glances, including Aubrey with Beca. 'I went home,' Aubrey replies awkwardly, after a moment. 'I wasn't feeling well.'

'Oh, good,' says Amy. 'I mean, not good that you were ill, that's bad - but we thought it might have been because Unicycle was there and he was pashing some other girl. Sorry, probably should have thought that through, '

'Dude!' Beca interrupts in a hissing whisper. 'Social cues!'

'What?' Her eyes swivel around the room, taking in Beca's expression, which is exasperated; Chloe's, which is full of worry; and Aubrey, who looks vaguely murderous. ' _Oh_. Oops.' She shrugs sheepishly. 'Uh... Don't blame me, I'm Australian?'

'It's fine,' says Aubrey coldly, although there is a spot of red in both her cheeks. 'He can "pash" whoever he likes; it's none of  _my_ business anymore.'

'That's the spirit!' replies Amy brightly, who mostly just looks relieved that Aubrey isn't tearing her head off. 'There's lots of other sausages in the hallway, or however that saying goes.'

'... Right. Moving on - Beca,' she barks suddenly, surprising said girl, 'come on, I thought you were going to show me the set you guys have been working on?'

'You sure you don't want to catch up a bit more?'

'No. I want to see what you guys have got.'

To Beca's secret pleasure, the other Bellas don't immediately jump into formation on Aubrey's command, but look to Beca for direction. She nods. 'We might as well, we could use an audience. Just remember this is my team now, not yours,' says Beca, as she takes her place among the group.

'I can't  _stop_ remembering...' Aubrey scans the girls, her brow crinkling when she notices something. 'Where's Cynthia Rose?'

For the first time, Beca realises she's not there. Oh no. 'Anyone know where she is?'

'You mean you don't know? She's  _your_ roommate,' says Aubrey rudely. Beca ignores this; the rest of the Bellas shrug.

'Lauren isn't here either,' pipes up Mollie worriedly, looking at the gap in their formation where Lauren usually stands.

'No idea where she is either?' More shaking of heads and shrugging, while Beca starts to get a bad feeling. It's obvious the two are together somewhere, but the least Cynthia Rose could have done was give her a head's up before she went running off somewhere with a new girl. Especially someone else on the team. 'I guess we'll have to do without them.'

Aubrey grabs Chloe's wrist. 'Come on Chlo, let's see how well your midget girlfriend is doing carrying on the Bellas torch. Although looking at them right now, I don't have high hopes.'

* * *

'There's something missing.'

Beca, still out of breath from the last slightly complicated bit of choreography -  _thanks,_ Stacie, she really needed more twirling when she can barely stand on two feet most of the time - looks over at Aubrey, sure she's misheard. 'What?'

'I'm not sure what it is,' says Aubrey. 'But there's definitely something not quite right about it yet.'

'Wow. Really? I'm starting to think your ear for music has gone away since you left Barden.' She looks at Chloe, expecting to see her nodding along in support or rolling her eyes in knowing exasperation about Aubrey's anal-retentiveness - but instead she's averting her eyes. It's not a good sign. '... Chlo? What did you think?'

'Uh - I kind of think Aubrey is right,' pipes up Chloe timidly. 'I think it's nearly there! But um, maybe not quite.'

'And someone's going flat,' Aubrey throws an accusing look at the group. 'I think it was one of the altos.'

'The altos? You mean me, right?'

'All I said was one of the altos, I couldn't tell which...'

'There's only two here,' Beca snaps. 'Lilly was fine, so you obviously meant me. And if you did, why didn't you just say so?'

'Anyway!' says Chloe loudly, stepping in diplomatically as always. 'I don't think much needs to change. Maybe in the "Run the World" bit -'

'Which should probably go altogether,' Aubrey states. 'It doesn't flow with the rest of the set, if you ask me. It kind of feels a bit like you shoved it in there just because it's Beyoncé. As cool as she is, she's not right for this set.'

There's silence, as the rest of the Bellas seem to hold their breath, glancing between them. They obviously think one of them is going to blow, and honestly, Beca is way too tired for this shit. 'Sectionals is coming up really soon. We don't have time to change that section.'

'I don't think you can afford not to.'

Beca rubs her temples. 'Aubrey, I've had this fight with you before -  _I'm_  captain now.'

'Aubrey, just chill out for a second,' interrupts Chloe, looking uncharacteristically cross. 'Beca, come over here.' Grudgingly, Beca makes her way over to where Aubrey and Chloe have been sitting in the seats of the auditorium.

When Beca is standing out of ear-shot of everyone else, Chloe folds her arms over her chest. 'Can you guys not fight for  _once_? You've barely been at practice an hour and you're already at each other's throats,' she snaps.

'I'm not having it, Chloe. I put up with this bullshit last year, but I'm captain now, not Aubrey.'

'I know,' Chloe says. Beca's not sure who she's trying to comfort here - Beca or Aubrey. 'Look, Bree's stressed out, okay?' You are,' she adds, when Aubrey looks like she might interrupt. 'She doesn't mean to step on your toes - she just wants to help and she's worried about the Bellas still. And Bree, Beca was really trying to help cheer you up by bringing you here. She wasn't trying to upset you more. For God's sake, just see it as the nice thing it is.'

Beca and Aubrey both make eye contact briefly, but break after a moment.

Seeing this exchange, Chloe rolls her eyes. 'I thought you guys were over all this fighting, anyway.'

'We  _were_ , but then she had to come in and start changing everything. Aubrey, why can't you trust that I know what I'm doing? I don't need your help. We've worked long enough on this set already, I don't want to change anything else.'

'Wow,' muses Chloe. 'That almost sounds like how Aubrey felt last year...' Chloe raises her eyebrows.

'It's not the same.  _I_ won,' grumbles Beca.

'Beca.' Chloe glances at Aubrey meaningfully, who is staring at her lap, with an unreadable expression on her face. 'This is silly- you're not even on the same  _team_ anymore. You're friends now; you shouldn't fight over this.'

The stalemate continues for several more seconds, until she feels Chloe tread on her foot. Beca gives in when her toes start going numb. 'Okay, fine,' says Beca. 'Fine. Sorry, Aubrey.'

Aubrey sighs, looking up at Beca briefly. 'Me too, I suppose.'

'This is good,' says Chloe, sounding pleased. 'Really good. I'm glad you guys are making up. Now... Make out.'

A beat, as both of them consider what Chloe just said - then -

'Chloe!' cry Aubrey and Beca simultaneously.

'I'm just kidding,' Chloe cackles, in such a way that says she may well not have been.

 _'Gross._ I'm going to go back over there before you start revealing any other disgusting fantasies.'

Aubrey gets up, and Beca starts to follow; however before she can leave, Chloe tugs on her sleeve to make her turn back. 'Thank you,' whispers Chloe, kissing Beca while no-one else is looking.

Although, when she breaks away, she swears she sees Aubrey watching them with what might pass for a half-smile.

* * *

When she arrives a few hours later at the station, Luke is tucked away in the booth, already on air. Oddly enough, there's no sign of Jesse, even though Beca is sure he was meant to be working today. For a moment she thinks it'll just be her stacking CDs and records alone for a few hours (and wondering whether she could get away with a sneaky bit of mixing while Luke is distracted), when she hears a hastily stifled cough and the tell-tale click of cases being pushed into place nearby.

'Oh, hey,' says Beca, approaching the stack that Jesse is hidden behind and poking her head around the side. 'Didn't see you there. You hiding?'

He seems somewhat taken aback by her presence as well, blinking at her in a rather shifty way. 'N-no.'

Beca snorts; it's not very convincing, but then, Jesse rarely is when he's lying. 'Okay, whatever. What've you got there?' He looks at her blankly for a moment, before she points at the case he's clutching. He shows it to her. 'Ah, cool, The Beach Boys... You know, I think they're a group that would really benefit from a dubstep remix. What do you think?' The joke seems to fall flat, because Jesse's smile doesn't quite meet his eyes. 'Something the matter?' she asks, even though she's fairly sure she knows what's going on.

'Nothing.'

'Let me guess - you're still mad at me for not going with you to the movie?' When he frowns a little, she knows she hit upon the right mark. He's so easy to read. 'Thought so.'

'I'm not,' he says. 'Mad, I mean.'

'Uh, that big ol' scowl on your forehead says otherwise. Careful, your face will stay that way if you frown too much.' But Beca goes on to say genuinely, 'For what it's worth, I  _am_ sorry I forgot, Jess. It was an honest mistake.'

Jesse sighs, turning his back on her. 'Yeah, I know. Never mind, let's just forget about it.'

'You sure about that?'

'Yes. How did it go, anyway? With Kate.'

She reaches over his shoulder and grabs some of the CDs from his hands, starting to help Jesse stack them. It's pretty obvious that he's still at least a little mad at her, so she should probably start making it up to him now. 'Not great - turns out she's worse than I thought. And not just in a "crazy ex-girlfriend" kind of way - like she has  _actual_ issues and stuff. So you see,' she adds apologetically, 'I couldn't exactly let Chloe go alone.'

'No, I guess not. Like I said - let's just forget about it.'

He's so quiet that it's beginning to become unnerving, and causing a prickle of uneasiness to gnaw away at her insides in case he really  _is_ mad at her. They don't fight often - Jesse's generally too good-natured for that - but he's been a lot moodier with her lately. Anything might set him off. 'So, anyway, enough about me,' says Beca in a conversational tone. 'What did  _you_ get up to last night?'

Chloe's lack of subtlety must be rubbing off on her, however, because Jesse immediately works out what she's asking about. There's a brief pause, but then Jesse raises his head, looking at Beca over the top of the bookcase he's behind, looking unamused. 'Seriously?'

'What?'

'I went to one movie with Aubrey, which I was originally going to go to with  _you_ ,' he says. 'It doesn't mean anything.'

'I never said it did,' retorts Beca. 'And anyway, pot calling the kettle black much? I endured practically  _hours_ of you teasing me about Chloe even when we'd only just watched a few Youtube videos together.'

'There was actually something going on between you two,' he points out. 'And now you're together, so...'

'So you're saying there  _isn't_ something going on between the two of you?'

'Yeah, Beca. That's exactly what I'm saying.' He crosses over to the other side of the room to put something away; Beca waits patiently, but it takes him a few minutes to return - far longer than it should just for one CD.

'Well, that's a relief, I guess,' she replies when he returns, as though there had not been any pause in the conversation. 'It'd be super weird if you guys got together, anyway. You'd have gross aca-babies.'

'Ha ha,' he says, in a monotone. 'Aubrey was kind of cool, actually - we had fun. She was way nicer than you ever made her out to be, anyway. I was just confused why she initiated it in the first place.'

'I guess maybe she's lonely.'

'Ah, I know the feeling. I mean, both our friends keep deserting us.'

It takes a moment for that comment to sink in, but it hurts when it does. 'Wow - low blow, dude.' He barely shrugs, and finally, Beca has had enough of this. 'Jesse, seriously,  _what_ is going on with you? I said I was sorry already, but you've gotta stop being like this. I missed one meet up, and I'm really sorry, but I'm getting kinda fed up with the attitude you keep giving me.'

'Oh, so I'm just giving you "attitude"? That's great.' He's beginning to throw CD cases rather aggressively into the bookcases now. If Luke comes out now he'd probably fire Jesse on the spot; she glances back uneasily towards the booth, but he's still busy on air. Jesse sees where she's looking and snorts. 'I couldn't care less if Luke came out right now, so don't worry.'

'Jesse, what's actually going on here? This isn't you.'

'Really? You don't know? Think back,  _Bec-aw_ ,' he says, and that weird old nickname just sounds wrong with that much sarcasm and anger behind it. He props one arm up on the shelf to lean on, gazing over at her with a tight jaw and more coldness than she's ever Jesse look at anyone. 'When was the last time we hung out, just me and you? Can you even remember?' She can't, and he knows it just by looking at her face. 'Exactly. We used to hang out all the time. And now it's like you don't even care about me - all you think about is Chloe.'

Not this again. 'She's my  _girlfriend_ , Jesse.' She feels exhausted just having this conversation, because it feels like she's had it a thousand times already.

'You keep saying that, but does it really make much difference? Normal people know how to date someone and have friends at the same time, too.'

'"Normal people"?' repeats Beca slowly, hu. 'Well, maybe not. But no one else seems to care that much.  _You're_  the only one acting like you have some sort of claim over me.'

'That's not what Aubrey thinks,' says Jesse. 'She thinks you guys are way too wrapped up in each other, and it's probably all going to end in tears.'

'She said that?' This distracts her for a moment, remembering how Aubrey had given her advice on being with Chloe, and it had almost seen like she approved. But Jesse's upset, so who knows what Aubrey actually said. 'You're listening to Aubreynow? You barely know her.'

'Well, she had a point. She feels like she's barely spent time with Chloe either since you two got together as well.'

'She and Chloe have talked about that already and they're working on it. That's their problem, not ours,' snaps Beca. 'Stop mixing the two.'

'I can't. Because they're the same.' He folds his arms, looking at her with something akin to pity; whatever it is only infuriates her more.

'Look,' says Beca a tad desperately, trying to get this conversation away from what feels like dangerous ground. 'We've had a lot of stuff going on. You wouldn't understand -'

'Yeah, and you know  _why_ I don't understand? Because you don't tell me anything. I don't know what's happening in your life.'

'And how is that anything to do with you anyway?'

'Beca, I'm your friend! I'm  _supposed_ to know these things!' He throws his hands up. 'You barely let me in on anything - you never let anyone in, except Chloe. It's like no one else  _exists_ to you. It's just weird how much time you spend with her, and how you ignore everyone else now - it's like you barely even realise you have other people outside her - other friends -''

'Oh yeah. Because being my friend is  _all_ you want, right?' The words are tumbling out before she can check them, but right now she doesn't want to, even when Jesse's face becomes stony and cold.

'I don't know what you're talking about.'

'It's  _not_ my problem if you have feelings for me, Jesse.'

'I don't have feelings for you. Not anymore, anyway.'

' _Yes_ , you do. And I don't care, Jesse - but you're always try to make it my problem! I don't know how the hell we're going to carry on being friends if this is how you're going to treat me.'

'This isn't about that!' he explodes suddenly, his face going red and blotchy with anger. Beca takes a step back. 'This is about you, and you cutting me out! I've tried to get us to hang out but every time I do you shoot me down, because of  _Chloe_ , and I've had it! Aubrey's right, I never realised before but you really are a basket case -'

The door of the booth clatters open; they've attracted Luke's attention. 'What the hell is going on here?' he barks, looking back and forth between the two of them. 'For God's sake, I can hear you guys bickering over the music - if you get any louder the mic'll pick you up.'

He looks between them, but neither of them can say anything; Jesse, who is shaking with anger and emotion, and Beca who is staring down at the floor. 'What's going on?' asks Luke, gazing suspiciously at the two of them. 'Have you had a tiff?' Neither of them answer; he rolls his eyes. 'Alright then. I'm not dealing with this shit. Beca, go into the booth. Get me a hamburger, Jesse.'

Jesse stiffens. Beca tries to signal with her eyebrows that this is  _not_ a good thing to say to Jesse right now, but Luke doesn't notice. 'What?'

'I don't want you here if you're going to be acting like this. Leave, come back, and then do your job, alright?'

Jesse stares at Luke for a moment, and then his eyes narrow into slits. 'You know what? Screw this. I'm out of here.'

'You what?'

'I seriously don't need this. I'm not getting paid enough for all the crap you give me, Luke. I quit.'

'You can't quit.'

'Watch me.'

He storms out; Beca makes to go after him, but Luke stops her. 'Let him go, Becky. He's too angry to reason with right now, and you still have a shift to do.'

'My name isn't Becky!' she shouts, almost spitting in his face. 'Why did you fucking ask him to get you a  _burger_? You could see he was already upset.'

'Well, between me and you, Becky, he was kind of a rubbish employee anyway,' says Luke, shrugging.

'No he wasn't! And now he's gone and left and it's  _your fault_!' When she's done yelling, Luke is gazing at her with wide eyes, and it begins to sink in that Beca's just yelled at her boss and probably lost her job all in one fell swoop. She feels like she can't breathe; like her ribs are squeezing her heart and lungs, and her head swims so much Luke starts to go blurry in front of her eyes. 'I -'

She sways, once, on shaking legs and braces herself against hitting the floor - but Luke catches her by the elbow just in time. ' _O-_ kay,' he says, pulling her upright. 'I think you and I need to have a chat. C'mon, let's have a little sit down, shall we?' She's barely aware of moving through the station, but she realises when he's guiding her into a chair in the booth and shutting off the mic.

'The show,' she manages to blurt out weakly, hardly aware of what she's saying.

'Ah, it's alright. It's two o'clock on a Sunday, they're probably all still nursing their hangovers. Sit down and drink this,' he adds, and thrusts some water into her hands. 'Do it,' he says impatiently, when she can only look at the cup with some confusion. She tries to sip obediently, but the water thunders loudly in her throat when she tries to swallow so she stops.

Luke's still gazing at her, a frown on his face. He seems somewhat lost about what he should do. Beca finds herself wishing Jesse hadn't left, because then she could at least share a roll of the eyes with him about how much Luke seems to be struggling when faced with a panicking girl. Then again, if Jesse didn't leave she wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place.

'Want me to call Chloe?' he suggests eventually, at a loss of anything else to say.

It seems to take an age just for her to shake her head. 'No... She's at work. I don't want to bother her,' she manages to say hoarsely.

'I think she'd probably want to know you're feeling like this.'

She still shakes her head violently. For one thing, Chloe probably wouldn't want her to interrupt at work just to tell her she had a falling out with Jesse (what else is new?) and for another, it's high time she stopped relying on Chloe so much for drawing her out of these moods, anyway.

Luke still seems uncomfortable at her emotion, and keeps glancing back at her with a worried expression. 'You alright now?' he asks, sounding unsure- but his voice is still kind. She nods. 'So what happened just now? Panic attack or something?'

'Guess so.'

'Are you upset about Swanson walking out on us, or is it something else going on?' He wrinkles his nose as he says Jesse's name.

'I don't know,' replies Beca tiredly. She really doesn't want to discuss this. 'It's been a stressful few weeks. Or month. Or... year, really.'

'I can imagine.' He leans against the table, scuffing the bottom of his foot against the carpet. 'Hm,' he says, after a moment, looking over at Beca with his brow knitted. 'I suppose you and Chloe must be a bit shaken up from seeing Kate, too.'

Beca's head shoots up in surprise - now she knows why he's been acting so weird. 'How did you know?'

'She told me.'

'Kate?' Beca is stunned; she didn't think they were on speaking terms. 'You've spoken to her?'

'Yeah, I was surprised too,' he says wryly. 'She called me the other night. I mean, I knew she was planning on coming back here - have known that for a while in fact, but... I didn't think she'd try and get in contact with Chloe. I guess I was wrong.'

Beca shakes her head. 'Yeah, me neither.'

'Sorry, I probably should've warned you guys anyway,' he says, wincing. 'I know Kate's not exactly easy to deal with.'

'That's putting it lightly.'

Luke chuckles. 'I know. What did she want with you guys, anyway? She didn't go into a lot of detail about it, but I got the feeling something went down.'

'I think she wanted to meet Chloe alone, but she didn't realise she'd have another girlfriend. She seemed pretty unsettled by me being there, to be honest - I think she didn't expect Chloe to have moved on.'

'Yeah... Kate was never great with other people taking her "stuff",' says Luke with a snort. 'What did she do, though? She didn't try any funny stuff, did she?'

'No... I thought she'd be much worse than she was, to be honest. Mostly, she just seemed sad.' Beca sighs, running a hand through her hair. 'Chloe was really worried about her. Do you think she needs help?

'I've tried, mate,' he says sadly. 'I really have. So did her friends, and my family, and Chloe, and everything just went to shit when she came to the States. She's been on a downward path ever since and there's nothing we can do about it anymore.'

'You don't think she'd... Do anything, do you?' she asks hesitantly. Somehow Luke doesn't seem majorly surprised that she's even asking; his shoulders slump.

'I don't know,' he says uneasily. 'I don't really want to think about it.'

She changes the subject, albeit not to one that's much happier. 'I don't know what to do about Jesse.'

'What do you need to do? He's the one that walked out, not you.'

'We were fighting before that. He thinks I'm spending too much time with Chloe.'

Luke starts gnawing on the edge of his thumbnail, frowning at her. 'Yeah, well, s'pose that might be a worry. Chloe's the type to cling on if you let her, so it's better for both of you if you try and keep a little distance.'

'How well do you know Chloe, exactly?' asks Beca, feeling a small pang of jealousy at the way he comments on her so easily.

'Nowhere near as well as you, don't worry,' he says in amusement, as though reading her mind. 'We used to talk a lot when she and Kate were together.'

'Do  _you_ think Chloe and I spend too much time together?'

'Are you really taking relationship advice from  _him_?' he laughs. 'Jesse's just being Jesse, i.e. a total prick. Give him some time... He'll probably come around and you guys will be best friends again or whatever.' He dusts off his hands on his legs, standing up. 'Anyway, if you're feeling better. I should probably to get the show back on. And you should probably go home,' he adds.

'But my shift -'

'Go home and call Chloe. Don't make me kick you out as well, I need at least one half decent employee around.'

The words are firm, but Beca can tell he means them nicely - as much as Luke can manage such an act. 'Thanks, Luke.'

'Don't mention it,' he says, already putting on his headphones and blocking out the rest of the world.


End file.
